May be a few guppies know me and a lot of u dont but i used to be regular guppy and a flooder too a long time ago then came the sweetest thing in my life my jaan in 2002 march, i luved her a lot to the extent that i could do n e thing for her but for some weird reason she dint feel the same way she was kinda confused so she always called our relationship but even she knew it was somin more n e ways so more than 2 years passed and we kept on playing the hide n seek and for her happiness even sometimes i would agree with her cuz i dint wanna hurt her till dec 27th 2004 when i was leaving for washington and she told me that one of her friends had hooked her up wid this guy and she was gonna meet up wid him and that day somin inside me shattered but i waited around just to see who dat guy was and she saw me waiting and the look that i saw in her eyes said a 1000 things, n e ways when i came back she dint wanna have n ething to do with me khair hotay hotay as i told u it wasnt easy i used to give her blank calls and never said n e thing but somehow she knew it was me so one day she called me and we were “friends” again but then on valentines day 2005 i felt the worst feeling she had already apparently broken up wid dat guy and she was wid me as she dint wanna b alone on valentines day so she took me as a friend while walking she said "that i dunno y but i miss him" and that flipped somin inside ma brain and i was like wateva it is by hook or by crook she is mine i love her and she is no one elses and from that day i dunno due to my obsession for her or wat my trail of lies started till she finally gave in and said that she loved me , i was happy may be the happiest person in the world i couldnt care less about the world or worse even my own family i had fights with them did all sorts of things a son shouldnt, n eways april 2006 my mom is like u got to go to pakistan and that its been 6 years u havent visited pakistan or dubai as i used to live there before moving to toronto, so i left there again i kept on lying to her as i told her that i would be back in 20 days but my parents for some reason kept on extending and 20 days turned into 3 and a half months, when i came back it was like i was back in heaven then i did the unthinkable ek din pyar mein as over board i go i proposed her and i went up to her parents when i dint have a job or any sorta financial security other then a couple of thousand bucks kept on lying to her key ab ho jaayega aur tab ho jaayega till finally the day of the wedding was just 3 days away when i finally realised that i was too deep in the **** hole of my own lies at that time i thought to myself is it worth continue lying and get married to her or should i stop now and she would be hurt but b4 time and so as i justify myself that i luved her i ran away a day later she and her family found me and cussed me out but it was over, then 3 days later she came back in ma life against the will of her family cuz she really luved me but the guilt of leading her on and that i lied to her all along and that i left her on the alter for my selfish reasons i could not forgive myself so in december i asked her to fget me and i left for dubai with the intentions of never coming back and even then i lied to her cuz she kept on crying and pleading to not go but i heard some where that " if you really luv someone and u think u r dangerous for them its better to push them away" so i did and went away making maself the bad guy in her eyes and so time passed on and she is now with someone else and 8 months later i came back. Now what i dont understand is that when everything is bcuz of me and finally when she is happy wat i always wanted and couldnt give to her why is it that i feel that i luv her more then ever , why is it that every nite b4 i go to sleep i ask ALLAH to give me one more chance, Why is it when i should wish for her happiness i wish that she breaks up wid da guy. WHY? i am a selfish lying ******* i know dat but i luv her a lot and i wish i could change a lotta things but …
I just wanted to bring this out in the open as no one knew the truth and probably part of me wanted to say the truth i just hope she gets this message and forgives me. Guys i really need help. I dont know wat i should do. But an advise to all of u who are in love or are about to dont lie to ur partners being honest hurts but in the long run makes ur relationship stronger. Bas itna hee kehna tha shaayad aaj raat 1 saal key baad shayad neend aa jaaye.
I LUV U 4EVER 9824. LUV U 4EVER.
