What would be appropriate response to my 7 year old question of **“Mom, can boys and girls be BFFs?” **
(context: my 7 year daughter S and 8 year old Eygption boy A are in the same class elementary school. They are also in the same Sunday School class. They also are in same Y classes together. They get to see each other at the masjid social events as well.
They totally get each other and are very good play buddies. He’s a very nice kid.
So yesterday, some lady at masjid, seprated both of them and told them to play separately to which they replied “but we are friends”. She (evil lady) told them, “You can’t be friends”.
I am in predicament in what to say to her. How can explain a young mind that someone that is friends with at school and she is not allowed to interact with at the masjid.
Its a tough one. Our kids already know that boys and girls cannot be friends, but that does not mean that they cannot play with each other. I know it seems contradictory but they have a very clear idea about who can be friends and who can be just play mates. With friends, they can exchange notes, supervised emails, small gifts - with boys, they know that they cant.
I have answered that question long time ago in these forums. Yes they can be friends but not boy friends and girl friends. Desi kids understand these concepts , at least the ones I know and have raised. I have overheard my sons and daughter telling their non desi friends the same thing that in our religion there is no concept of boy friends and girl friends. As to that lady tell her that she needs to mind her own business , you are there to help your kids learn the right from wrong. What is wrong for her might not be wrong for you.
it is a tough one for sure: But here's what you can do. You can tell your kid that in a masjid men and women don't pray together in the same room ..they have separate rooms thus the reason for boys and girls to be playing separately as told by that aunty.
You can also instill the concept of colleagues/playmates/school mates and friends too later on as TLK bhai has said.
you are there to help your kids learn the right from wrong. What is wrong for her might not be wrong for you.
not to derail the thread from the original question......but this is precisely what I find so difficult about religious schools.......there is no two ways about right and wrong there.....you are not allowed to have an opinion about right and wrong......
njgal, lemme answer that for you as I've gone through that very recently...remember the thread about this boy wanted to be very "close" with my daughter at the masjid. They are also close family friends so it was a little issue as my daughter was very sensitive, he and his parents weren't.
So this is what I did. I spoke to that little boy when his mom wasn't around and told him that at the masjid, we have some rules just like you have in school. Muslim boys and girls don't sit next to each other and hold hands or play so close. Allah ta'ala doesn't like it a whole lot. So the kid understood and from that point onwards kept a distance.
In your case, both kids enjoy time with each other, so you talk to your kid, and when you get a chance, talk to him too because you never know what your kido will go say to him and he may get a different message.
Really? I dont see that as an issue, why? I dont have kids but I hae 3 nieces I love dearly, and at the age of 7 I dont think theres anythign wrong with it. EVEN AT THE MASJID. If you tell them they can't, then their curiousity will rise hence to questioning why they cannot be friends. Also, I think its a good thing to have male and female friends at this age, or else usually what I've seen is, atleast in girls cases, they start thinking of the person of the other gender as someone always hitting on them and stuff(obv when theyre in their teens). They should know tha a girl and a guy can be friends, doesnt always have to be the wrong kind of a relationship. When they start entering the ag of puberty, then you can set some rules on them of how things are going to be. Right now, let her have fun, theyre innocent lil kids. And people in the masjid who say stuff like that need to get their mind out of the gutter.
I thought the same way too until I had my own kids ^^.
Also, masjid etiquettes come into play...I know it seems silly...
And actually, talking kids is much easier than we think. Don't make it a big deal and it will not become one. a casual chat usually is enough. This is the age where kids ave the most submission where they accept what a parent teaches them... Teach kids young otherwise it gets harder later.
I thought the same way too until I had my own kids ^^.
Also, masjid etiquettes come into play...I know it seems silly...
And actually, talking kids is much easier than we think. Don't make it a big deal and it will not become one. a casual chat usually is enough. This is the age where kids ave the most submission where they accept what a parent teaches them... Teach kids young otherwise it gets harder later.
i understand where you're coming from. but playing in masjid at that age just doesnt seem like an issue to me, other then yet I guess masjid rules should be followed. lol but funny thing is my my nieces 5,4,2 have total dif set of mind on boys when we never taught them anything(guess learned in school) 5 year old thinks boys are fun, 4 year old thinks boys are yuck(shes the diva in the house) 2 year old loves boy toys lol
First of all, who is that lady to interfere? One thing I'm really grateful for is that my parents esp my mom never tolerated outside involvement in our upbringing. Not even of really close relatives. They just told them politely that they need not worry about me (or my sister).
Second, I personally see nothing wrong with having a girl/boyfriend but that's up to you. Allah SWT also doesn't like lots of things, among them hypocrisy which some of you here have in ample supply. Anyways, how you bring up your kids is YOUR business and ONLY YOURS.
BTW, I find that my female friends are rather more trustworthy and dependable than the male one...
I will not make such a sweeping remark about others , may be about myself.
Even Holy Prophet did not reveal the names of hypocrite to other let alone calling someone on their face a hypocrite.
And you making a judgement is perfectly in order I see .The OPs kid is a little kid indeed and so is the boy in question. Surely there is no harm in them playing together and yes that lady shouldn’t have said it…you know masjid aunties are notorious for that :D. However, as a parent you do want set a good example and teach things that are valuable, hopefully. I think the OP wanted to know how to tell her kid and hence the advise. No hypocrisy here…we all have kids and learn from each other.
did not reveal the names of hypocrite to other let alone calling someone on their face a hypocrite. 