I’ve found myself in the relationships forum after years. Anyway, so needed input about a situation. It is regarding my bae’s sister.
A guy’s mum has approached the girl’s mum and asked her indirectly for the girl’s hand in marriage. (Guy’s mum and girl’s mum are cousins) She has expressed high interest and indirectly said that no matter what, they want the girl to be a part of their family. Only issue is, one year ago, the girl, her mum, and the whole family went to the guy’s wedding. Few facts from the wedding, it was a love marriage. The guy danced intimately and romantically with the bride at their wedding. It was a wedding on the grander scale. A lot of the community was invited and involved. The girl who the mum is interested for her son now, also attended the guy’s previous marriage.
On paper the guy sounds okay, but tbh it doesn’t sound right. Sounds dodgy.
Marriage only lasted 6 months. If it was a love marriage why did it end so soon and why weren’t there efforts made for reconciliation or something?
Mum of the son told girl’s mum that divorced happened cos girl is modernised, has a job, doesn’t know how to cook. The girl they are interested in also is educated, liberal, wears modern clothing more in preference to Asian suiting, and has a job. She also does not know how to cook anything. So what makes this girl different?
Before the guy’s marriage, the mother texted the new girl many times on Whatsapp saying you are looking pretty etc and always used to compliment her etc.
Mum of guy said that the girl swore etc at her. The girl in question was known to be soft spoken, polite, educated, and decent.
If he was in love with someone, how did he readily divorce her, and agreed to marry someone else?
There’s bits and bobs of other things too, but I think this is the main gist of the situation. What do you guys think? Should the new girl go for the rishta, or she should pass it?
I say trust your gut. If your intuition is telling you that something’s off, then pass on this rishta. I, too, would be wary of a rishta where the previous marriage ended quickly. Unless it was some extreme situation that resulted in a divorce so quickly, it reads as a red flag to me…and one where you should proceed with caution. Not knowing how to cook is not an extreme situation. Cooking can be learned and it’s a skill that develops over time. As for being modern…well…they must have known that former girl was “modern” before the marriage. As for the cursing…generally speaking…Desi kids are brought up to respect their elders…even the most modern among them. I don’t condone cursing at the MIL or any elder person; it turns me off even when done among peers, etc. But, it DOES take 2 hands to clap. It makes me wonder that how “far” were one’s buttons pushed by the other person for them to have to lose control of their anger and resort to cursing. That’s another thing to consider.
Had the aunti said that her son and former DIL would frequently argue and there was a lack of compromise…even that I could understand. But to throw in the towel after just 6 months? I dunno…
Sounds strange. The girl can talk to aunti’s son to get a feel for things. She can ask him all the questions you’ve asked right now. OR…the girl’s mother can ask the aunti…“Well, my daughter is also a modern working woman that does not know how to cook…so if it didn’t work out with the former one…then I don’t think my own daughter would be a good match.” Let’s see what guy’s mom has to say about that.
My aunty told the other woman that my youngest daughter (the girl this woman is interested in for her son) doesn’t know how to cook etc at all. She said it is fine, cooking can be learnt, I can teach her. It sounds hypocritical to me, that for the other girl, it was a big enough issue for divorce - but for this girl, it isn’t, cooking can be learnt?
LOL. Well, it’s good that this girl and her mother are noticing these contradictions…and are not blinded by the rishta. It’s possible that this guy has truly changed or learned from any mistakes that he made in the marriage. But proceed with caution and do your investigation as well as istikhara.
I don’t think this rishta should be entertained at all. This girl does not know how to cook and it’s ok. The other girl could not cook and it was bye bye. Ye no, these people dont sound like the kind of people you want to live with.
This sounds like a super bad rishta. It doesn’t matter how eligible the guy sounds I think it’s playing with fire to go ahead with it. They never talk about what they could have done better to save the marriage. They don’t own up to their own mistakes or what truly happened because nothing in their account screams divorce.