4 yr old son addicted to computer games

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Re: 4 yr old son addicted to computer games

Fraggle Rock was one of my absolute favorite shows when I was growing up :)

IMHO, a 4 yr. old is too young to spend hours playing video games.... when raising a child, balance is everything. Lego and Mecano sets are great, but they don't fall inot the category of video games..... its sort of a physical activity (involving logic) and very good for children.

To the OP, let him play the educational video games but limit the time..., also make sure he goes back to reading the bedtime stories again. He will be fine as long as you set boundaries and limits, like I said earlier... create a balance. Good luck!

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What are you on about? I already said I’m a serious gamer so unless you are also, I know more about the subject and effect that gaming can on people and children.

I grew up with lego and fraggle rock. The difference is, there was one episode of fraggle rock a week and you couldn’t change that no matter how much you liked the show. You could play with lego for a few hours but then the fun would wear off when you had built a bunch of things.

Back to back games or tv is inherently addictive in nature and that’s where the problem lies.

I take it you’re not a parent. I would like to see you start your 4 year old child gaming and if you won’t force it to have eat food or go outside when it refuses to stop playing.

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That's the experiment actually - I am trying to test if I really can be a responsible parent some day or not (because to tell you the truth, I actually am a man who hates children a lot, and the younger they are, the more I detest them)... But more then that, what I really am trying to see over here is how hard will it be to fight off notions of other people. Because if I ever became a parent, then chances are that I will probably end up raising a true Machiavellian (as that may be the only kind of child I will ever tolerate)... So while arguing with you all in a lighthearted mood, I am actually building a profile of the different mindsets I probably will encounter in the future (if I ever decide to become a parent).

:D :D :D :D :D

Tomorrow (if I have the time) I will post something very interesting. Because I really am interested in learning...

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Re: 4 yr old son addicted to computer games

Why would you need to fight off notions? If you believe you are doing the right thing for the development of your child, you would not care.

But it sounds to me like you don't actually care how your child would turn out. Maybe you would even be proud if it grows up to stab you in the back for its own gain. [If it spent all it's younger years playing videogames, I doubt it would have the intelligence or level of interaction with other humans to do this though.]

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Re: 4 yr old son addicted to computer games

Who is the parent - you or the four year old? Just say NO!

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Well, to tell you the truth - I really hate kids so much that you wouldn't believe... Just put an infant right next to me at this time, and I and 100% sure that I will end up vomiting (even when traveling, I make sure that I am never seated next to a noisy brat). Anyway, it took some time for me to realize why I hated kids so much - It turned out that I detested them because of what most of our desi mothers make them into.

I remember a younger cousin of mine (girl), who was 6 years old at the time. Anyway, while shopping she very politely and respectfully asked her own mother (my maternal aunt) if she would let her buy some shoes. My aunt very angrily told her no! And she said it in such an ugly way that even my mother was slightly shocked (as well as embarrassed in front of the shopkeeper whom we knew very well)... The little girl then looked at my mother but said nothing - Which prompted my mother to ask her sister why? What's wrong with those shoes she asked? They are not even costly, so why not let her have them?

Since my aunt had come for a visit with my cousins (and so was living with us), my mother did her best to see to it that everyone had a fun time. Which is why my mother took the side of my little cousin - Which only angered my aunt to an even greater extent!

Anyhow those shoes were not bought, and we moved onto other stuff - But later at my home, I overheard my aunt arguing with my mother. My mother said to her sister that you are being too hard on your little daughter, and that too for no reason. However my aunt said: You still do not get the point do you? I have to exercise my authority over my child! Because if I don't, then what if one day (when she is all grown up) she bring a man and says that I want to marry him? Which is why I have to show her every step of the way who is boss around here!

To this my mother simply said: You are an idiot for thinking on these lines, as your daughter would have looked very cute in those shoes. But then my aunt told my mother that she right now has a young boy to watch out for (me), while she is the mother of a young girl - So different rules apply...

So you see, we can call it whatever word we like (moderation, disciplining, teaching respect and etcetera) - But what it all actually boils down to are only 2 words: Control Freak.

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Re: 4 yr old son addicted to computer games

Well I didn't have a typical desi upbringing so I can't relate.

We will always rebel against our own bad experiences. If we believe we are happy and well rounded human beings, we will want to replicate what our parents did. I can now see wisdom on their part for things that I did not understand at the time.

You exert control over your own actions, do you not? For the best possible outcome? Having children is about doing the same but obviously there are limits. If you spent a lot of time around mothers and children as an adult (which I doubt you have) you will see that they pick up everything, from the way they see adults talk to mannerisms. It's very risky to have a blase attitude.

Sounds to me like your aunt was just a (1) just ignorant in general (2) the other common thing in desi mother's - they don't have anything to control in their lives except their children so they make it their life's work to do that.

Do you not think your own mother was a controlling some extent? Think carefully now. Perhaps go and ask her if she did subtly control your upbringing and exposure. That's what being a parent is about. If you are not bothered, no point bringing children into this world.

But anyway, it seems like you do not know or understand children nor are you really interested as you don't intend to have any. No point to this debate.

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Re: 4 yr old son addicted to computer games

Being a control freak and asserting authority to break the spirit and will of a child isnt good parenting just as much as letting young children play video games or watch tv for hours on end.

If you do indeed one day become a parent Shabhaz, it will be a real eye-opening experience for you. Its easy for me to say that "its different when its your own child" but quite another when you experience it for youself.

You'll want to always do the very best for your child from the day of birth. And if you do have a boy who happens to love race cars, if you let a relative indulge with the gift of a wii with a race car game...you'll see the pure, unadulterated joy that it brings him and his brothers. You'll see them learn how to "drive a real race car!" and talk about almost nothing else. Then, you'll deal with the boy faking illness to stay home school thinking that he can play wii. You'll see him get defiant at mealtime, rather play than eat dinner. Refuse to greet or say goodbye to friends who come over to play because it would interrupt the game. Start to become inattentive in school. Get so very zoned out in the game that he "forgets" to go to the bathroom and wets his pants.

Kids will also eat nothing but candy and pizza if given a choice. Would you indulge that when your 1st grader is 20 pounds overweight?

Little girls tend to be more into fashion. When your little girl demands Ugg boots at $150 dollars, boots that she'll outgrow before winter is over, do you indulge that too?

Sorry but setting limits is a very essential part of good parenting and sure we can make mistakes but when we do, the negative effects quickly become very obvious . And correcting it by setting limits is very necessary. That doesnt make a parent a control freak - thats an extreme and one which most parents I know dont go to.

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Re: 4 yr old son addicted to computer games

Mama has summed up nicely what I was thinking of posting.

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Re: 4 yr old son addicted to computer games

Another thought on this. I think its a universal thing, no matter what culture or country you come from that kids say "When I have kids, I will never do things the way my parents did."

Then, when you have your own children, you'll find yourself thinking "wow, my parents were right to do this and I'm doing the same thing with my kids because its necessary!" You start to understand, you start to experience the same things that your parents experienced.

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That is a very good idea! However there are some obstacles in my way that prevent me from asking her (because she has been dead for almost 24 years now). Still, as far as I know - She never did anything to me that I resent (her sisters and mother I of course now cannot even bear to look at, as they are very revolting to me) - I myself threw them out of our house 22 years ago!

But as far as my mother goes, well, she even encouraged me to use firearms at an early age (being a Pathan woman, this was to be expected of her). But she also told me never to shoot at any living creature. Which is why I NEVER go hunting, well, maybe for a little fishing in the ocean - But that's where it ends...

Anyway, the thing which I am most proud of (that my own mother had taught me at a very early age), was to never take any s**t from anyone. It of course so happened that after her own death, her family one day crossed the line - Long story short, I simply recorded the trash that was flowing out of their mouths. After which I only humiliated them in front of my father.

They till this day hate and fear me for that! And I was only 12 at the time (2 years after my mother's death)! So in a way, I ended up applying what my own mother taught me - Onto her own family!!!

Joke of the century I'd call it, (and am damn proud of it too)! So if there is anything that I would like to pass on to the future generations - It will be this unconquerable attitude!

:D

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Re: 4 yr old son addicted to computer games

I agree with mamaof 3 and muzna......

if you see your child with a knife in his hand you'll take it away no matter how badly he wants to play with it...You wouldn't give in despite the tantrums and all...Just because you yourself are convinced that it is harmful for your child. So in the same manner you have to understand yourself first, how harmful these TV /games and stuff can be. One YOU know it, you can be consistent with setting limits IMHO.

My kids are 11, 8, 6 and 2.5 years respectively....They get the computer time only for assignments etc. during the week. On weekends they get a maximum of 1.5 hrs of gaming etc. We are more into reading than watching TV. I have never expressed my dislike for TV in front of my kids but I don't encourage/discourage....If they want to watch some cartoons they are allowed in a limit. Alhamdulillah all four of them value our story time together at night before hitting the sack. We are reading a book 'Allah and me' these days and we all are loving it. My kids have Wii and PSP etc. thanks to their father and aunt....but that is enjoyed only during vacations or once in a while on weekends. I don't usually say NO to these things right out as this only tends to make the 'forbidden tree' more attractive...i try to bring forward some interesting alternatives.

And I'm soooo thankful to Almighty that my eldest is still resisting the peer pressure to create an FB account ...he knows it's not for under 13s....n while most of his classmates are there by entering wrong years of birth he still doesn't agree. And no I haven't forced him to stay away...just voiced my opinion once when he wanted to know what do I think about it.

I don't want to be a control freak....but I absolutely abhor the idea of giving a free hand to young kids. Children are just like water...they tend to take the shape of their mould. And this mould is there just to set boundaries...it doesn't affect or change the properties of water. Their individuality is not compromised by merely setting some limits.

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May Allah guide you.

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Re: 4 yr old son addicted to computer games

Another thing that I forgot to mention in my last post over here was that I (aside from learning to respect animals and birds) also picked up the habit of horticulture from my late mother. Therefore till this day, it is a very fun activity for me - So this I would recommend to you all for your kids.

Now let me tell you how I learned to respect small animals. One day (after I had mastered the use of firearms) an uncle who I till this day respect very much told me something that I will never forget. He said:

*When you ask Allah for something big, He will not always answer your request. Reason for that some say, is that Allah is too great an entity to. Therefore even though it is within his full capability to give you all that you ask (and then some more) - He still will not do it, as that is not the actual point of life on Earth. However, He always takes notice of our every actions.

And so once in a while, if you really get his attention - Then before giving you what you had asked for. He often tests you. Sometimes, he will send an angel (or the sprite of a passed away saint) to you - Only you will see it in the shape of a small animal (or perhaps even an insect). So if you treat it with disrespect (thinking it to be of no real value to you) then you fail the test.

But if you respect it, like rescuing an injured bird, then Allah is most pleased with you. Because He always wants to give you His aid. But according to His own rules, He cannot give it to you without any justification. So by rescuing or simply by respecting an insignificant creature, Allah get the justification that He needs, (because when compared to Him and His might, we too are all also totally worthless creatures). But the moment you take the time to go just a little out of your way to help an animals in distress - Allah too will now go a little out of his way to help you...*

Point of this was to always respect those who are smaller then you in stature. Give some respect to get some back. Otherwise don't complain or stand bewildered like an idiot would when things go horribly out of control.

So those of you over here who have understood this, I no longer need to explain anything anymore. But those who still haven't, Well, I can only feel sorry for them...

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Re: 4 yr old son addicted to computer games

Dude, you are going completely off-topic ("My kid is young and addicted to videogames").
Mama already made a very good post about this. I'm sure if you became addicted to something to the point where you would forget to eat or go to the toilet, when you were young, your mother would have taken steps to rectify this. But you seem to be ignoring those posts.

Not only that but you are affirming the opinion of others saying that parental attitudes shape the ideas and thoughts of their children.

"Point of this was to always respect those who are smaller then you in stature. Give some respect to get some back. Otherwise don't complain or stand bewildered like an idiot would when things go horribly out of control."

Yes. You should respect children. Respect their ideas and opinions and let them voice them (as my own parents did; they also never patronised us) but as a parent you also need to guide. Parents are the first, foremost and should be the most important guides to us. Look to the way Afia (as well as the other mother's here) approach this.

I can see you had some bad experiences and still probably see mothers who are heavy handed, say 'No' at every turn and enjoy the misery of their children, as long as they are obeyed.

I don't think any of the posters here are anything like what you are thinking. If anything, they have much more in common with your mother. You just don't want to see it.

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Re: 4 yr old son addicted to computer games

I'm curious, for those parents who have cut it out, how do you respond to the pressure (or teach kids to respond to the pressure) when everyone else is talking about the latest game they play, etc.

Also what do you do if your husband is a big kid and plays all the time (I used to play too, but not as often and nowhere as often as my hubby)? I imagine kids learn from what you do, not what you say. I can already see my little madam being very indignant if we stopped her gaming!

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Re: 4 yr old son addicted to computer games

good questoin sahar.....I was actually going to start another thread on just the subject of peer pressure and teaching kids how to address it......

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Re: 4 yr old son addicted to computer games

Its actually working really nicely with my 3 boys. They DO get to play their race car game and rock band game, its just limited to those 30 minutes on the weekends. They know that this is a time limit and are intent on getting as much enjoyment from that time as possible - no more arguing over who had a longer turn etc. So it has become a better experience for them.

They have stopped asking for it during the week. They dont even play at their friends houses. They've been outside riding bikes, bouncing on the trampoline, just enjoying being outside. There is much less fuss and argument at homework time. On rainy days, they've been playing legos, drawing pictures for me and playing with their hot-wheels type cars. Not one potty accident since the limits were set.

I do regret a bit that I said OK to my sis about gifting this wii to them. But I think now that its under control, it isnt such a bad thing. Once the limits were put in place, things really turned around.

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I know, most - OK let's say all of the ladies who have posted here in this thread are well educated and understanding towards their children. But I am here for a different reason. Another poster wrote here something about peer pressure, so that is my actual concern.

Because you people (because you are mostly ladies) probably see peer pressure only in the form of a group of kids pushing each other into doing stuff you would normally frown upon. Where as I (who too was once a child), see peer pressure in the shape of a group of women, pushing each other into how to get an even tighter control over their kids...

Now please allow me to present my mindset. I am a person who likes to be prepared for every eventuality (just like a survivalist trained my the military). So if another man ever tried to "educate" me on how to best shape a child, I'll simply tell him to kindly mind his own business. If he persists, then I'll just knock his teeth out and the matter will end...

However, if a woman (or a group of women) ever approaches me on the same issue. Then I will be at a horrible disadvantage. As they only have to say: "You are a man, so you do not know. But we are all mothers, so we know exactly what we are talking about"... So regardless of whatever superior qualifications I may have in the academic fields - My position (just because I am a man) can easily be wiped out, even by an illiterate woman who just happens to be a mother. So what can I do in such a situation? It is against my own rules to knock a woman's teeth out. Therefore what option will I really have?

Such was the case with my own father (after my mother's death). Many women (borderline illiterate as well as sadistic) approached him regarding my upbringing. To which he always had to take a very hard stand to protect me. So I am today very thankful to him for doing that. But, there is always a very heavy price to pay for standing your own ground. He did that, and so as I grew a little older, he and I stuck to one simple understanding - Which believe it or not, was so solid that it even defeated peer pressure (which is why I am happy to report that I am not a smoker, not a drinker, nor have I even tried any drugs of any kind).

Anyway the understanding which I had (and still do have) with my father is that as long as I don't to anything that will bring lasting shame upon my household (like robbing a bank, or worse, becoming gay). Then everything else goes (be it good, or even slightly bad)...

So I hope everyone now understands me and my point of view. I am only here to brainstorm, and secondly, to get to know mothers of today (so I can make an accurate psycho profile, and so plan according to it should the need ever come). I of course am only able to think in military terms, so I first really need to identify who is a friend and who is a foe.

:)

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Re: 4 yr old son addicted to computer games

First and foremost Shahbaz, marry a woman who shares your views. Marry a partner, not a wife. Even if you disagree with a partner, a mutual decision is usually arrived at.

Second, remember that a wife will one day become a mother. Share your views about children with her before marriage and ask about her views.

You will need to remind yourself that its usually the mother who knows her child the best, who spends the most time with the children. You didnt have the love of a mother for your entire childhood so it may take reminding yourself about the importance of the mom. I do understand your views and where you're coming from...but I have never met even one woman who mothers her children the way you describe. Maybe thats cause I'm a westerner, I dont know...but that type of overbearing, controlling mothering isnt the norm.

Just be careful about who you marry. The rest will follow.

Wishing you peace and happiness.