sweetpie, I'm just curious, how do you meet guys?
^ Sarah, it's pretty much half and half...I meet them via family and via friends.
I have some cousins in the same place as you, they are very accomplished women in their late 20s to mid 30s, coming from very well off families. they have so much going for them, they're very religious and very very nice. but yet guys go for gossipping young bimbos and a lot of the times it makes me whether it's the men who are so weak willed that they cant deal with a woman who is educated or whether its their mothers who don't like the threat, since mother in laws tend to play a big part in deciding their son's lives.
anyway, inshallah you'll find someone who is what you're looking for and he'll appreciate you. someone i knew here in canada was an engineer and she wasnt getting many rishtas because of her education, how absurd is that! but she found someone and is mashallah very happily married and i think has a child.
age shouldnt be a big factor but it is for many people, i dont know why, but there is so much stigma attached to age.
^ :) sweet.
sweetpie, who needs marriage, who needs a guy. Concentrate on bigger things in life. God has a plan my little man (i used "man" cause it ryhmed with "plan" and made me sound cool. on second thought dont take my advice. i am corny and a loser ) :(
Sarah, thanks 
I’m confident that I’ll find Mr. Sweetpie soon insh’allah…hehehe. It’s just a matter of time and patience I suppose. You see, finding just “someone” is never the issue; it’s finding someone that one is compatible with on many levels and that is the issue I’m having. I feel that perhaps time is not on my side as I will be 30 next month. I’ve also learned something about myself though…I need to relax/tone down some of my requirements/criteria which are not “musts” in the greater scheme of things as viewed from the outside (hehehe…I tend to be super picky sometimes).
Iffy, don’t put yourself down or call yourself things like corny and loser. That isn’t very nice. 
Thirty is more than a number. It hits you really hard no matter how ready you are for it. You better write down your “must haves” cuz they might change when you actually hit thirty next month. Reading your posts, I would hate to see you settle/compromise with someone ‘less’ or ‘different’ cuz I know you can’t…so don’t even go there...u'll regret it...my two cents.
just read a dua... and inshallah things will be fine :)
Kaleem's point is quite valid. Not in everyone's case but one gotta realize that when looking at issues like these, we are not dealing with straight logic but perceptions. Perceptions of individuals, families, and society in general. If men in general like to have certain number of kids by a certain age then obviously you end up with a smaller pool of men for whom it's not a strict criteria.
I think the important question to ask here is that why a 30+ years old man/woman is not married yet? By this I don't mean to say that one should get married before that age but I'm asking a fundamental question that crosses a prospect's and his/her family's mind. Obviously, the answer to the question varies from individual to individual but since they don't know the individual to begin with, they make assumptions. Those assumptions are usually not too favorable for our 30+ years old candidate and hence there are more people looking for younger prospects.
There is nothing wrong with a woman's persuing education, career, or mobility in society, etc. That's actually a "necessity". Most of us are living in a society, a time, a culture where progressive individualism and openness is very important. But then why any such virtues of our times should come on the expense on other virtues or necessities like marriage? That is the question. Why do you have to be unmarried to persue your individualism, cherish indepedence, and have a life of your own? The answer to that is compatibility. Men and women facing such issues look for partners that could allow them the freedom to have their own lives and space and at the same time be bound by love. They want to compliment their individualism by the companionship of the other, not negate it. They don't want to compensate one thing over the other. We're all humans. Let's face it: At the end of the day, all this indepedence, individualism, freedom means nothing without companionship. But women fear that the man will be too controlling and men fear that woman will put too many restrictions on him.
But how do you find compatibility? Compatibility has more to do with personality than anything else. Behaviour, manners, lifestyle, conversation, outlook towards life, care, love, all that good stuff that tones in well with your own. I think people who are 30+ and still unmarried and looking for financial security, mobility, stability provided by their partner ALONE are either failures themselves or shallow. If you have not been able to find that degree of "life contentment" by the time you've reached 30, and still have hung-ups a brat may have then your age got nothing to do with your suitability. There is a notion called "success" and then there is a notion called "personal success". If you've no clue what's the difference by the age of 30 then chances are you won't have it for the rest of your life. And most of the assumptions others made about you are probably correct.
roman, that was extremely well said :k:
thats the point i was trying to raise in one of these other “im not married yet” syndrome
why cant one be an individual and still be married? a lot of my friends are my age or younger, they are married, working, getting an education, becomnig lawyers, techies, accountants and on top of that have kids
compatiability is not about how much u have in common with one another, be it class, status, financial level (which are very crude things to begin with)
compatiablity should be about how well u get along with each others faults and still be in love at the end of the day
the more u try to find somenoe like u, the harder its gonna be to actually settle down
Well Sadzzz it may work for some but others need to accomplish their goals at their own pace on their own time without being distracted by marital responsibilities and such. There isn’t a right/wrong answer here, just that each girl makes an individual choice to pursue either avenue…get married and continue school/career or concentrate on school/career and then get married or some combo of the two. Which is the best course of action to take?..in my view it depends on the girl herself who can best answer this question for herself.
:k: Agreed and as they say, opposites attract, so I think a certain amount of difference between a husband is wife is not only to be expected but is healthy in a relationship.
sweeptie, i dont think there is a right or wrong answer either but i think those people tho think marital problems are distractions are maybe somehow a lil in the wrong..
why call marriage a distraction, when ur gonna talk abuot not finding the right guy at 28+? or when ur gonna question why guys go for youner girls
priorities need to be balanced
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sweetpie: *
.. opposites attract..
[/QUOTE]
not necessarily talking about opposites.. u can be totally the same but have faults...
noones perfect.. not even us, thats why maybe we're still sitting her wondering why we aint married :)
Sadzzz, I disagree. No, I am not "sitting here wondering why I am not married yet." Heck, I have requirements and if a guy doesn't meet most of them then I refuse to "settle" for just anyone. I also realize that I myself am not perfect but there are some awesome qualities I have and elements of my character/personality that I can offer someone; all I expect are certain elements back in a guy as well. "Not finding the right guy at 28+", as you put it, isn't so much the issue as much as frustration over when the marriage will happen. Getting "ants in the pants" is a tough syndrome to beat sometimes when you see other girls being married, etc. but I think this is a natural feeling as friends who are in the same boat as me share such emotions. Insh'allah regardless of what is said, I know I will be married and my Mr. Right is out there searching for me as I search for him, rest assured.
:)
just a question.. why did you delay getting married so long?
But personally 30 means nothing. Rest assured that your peers and potential honies are more educated and cultured then to think that 30 is the limit.
What I dont understand is why there is a wide presumption that one can't finish school or build a career while being married!
If people are being ignorrant and thinking of 30 as old then arent the other half being ignorant and imaging married women as barefoot pregnant and incapable of having a life outside the marriage?
Unless your marrying at "matric fail" every guy wants his wife's dreams and ambitions to be fulfilled and trust me they sacrifice as much as we do in a marriage.
Muniya…fantastic. I agree totally. I personally married at a young age but my reason for marrying was that I didn’t want to live in sin anymore. The con is that I had kids only a year after marriage, so technically, I can be a grandpa when I am in my late 40s. I didn’t get to enjoy alone time with my wife before the brats came into this world.
Kaleem…. If you think that teenagers needs their nappies changed by their 50 something parents, I don’t know where you live. In New York we stop changing their nappies when they are 12. If a woman can give birth well into her 40's, it means that she (along with he) is capable of raising them too.
Madhanee.. they arent Brats.. I’ll take them if you want :love: and you and bhabhi can go be freaky..
but I agree.. Ive been with Salman 3 years now and no kids yet but Im thinakful for the time alone. We both finished our degrees and now both ammis are ready to murder unless we reproduce soon.. and inshahallah now we can afford for me to stay home and not have a lapse in ourlifestyle so I can raise the baby and go to school for my CPA.
Lesson girls: Allah mian works everything out for your best. Dont be anti anything.
^ Good for you that you’re married and things have worked out for you. Know though that there is absolutely nothing wrong at all with me having waited a bit to get married. So what if societal norm seems to dictate that a girl should get married as soon as she can. Screw these norms because at the end of the day, I am living life for me, not for my community, family friends, or even family. I have a lot going in my favor right now. I have it made on a silver platter. All I am saying is that now at this moment I feel ready to take the step of marriage with open arms but this is just me and what suits ME. I will not dictate to anyone else how they choose to lead their lives because that to me would reek of insecurity. Again, I applaud that you’re married and doing your schooling/goals etc. since I have friends who are enjoying similar lives as well but to me, my life is awesome too since I am living out my goals without the hassle of marriage (in my opinion).
Grass is always, always, always greener on the other side so although I may envy marriage at the moment (and believe me, want holy matrimony and children pretty badly these days) I also have known numerous girls who yearn to be in my spot, being single, carefree, enjoying life, and living out their goals.
I totally agree with you darling.but if you notice society had nothing to do with my marriage.
Im sure your living your life for you.. but on the same hand your worried about turning 30 (which really is no big deal), my whole point was not to marry young or old.. but when you feel its the right time.
I just dont agree with girls who Shun marriage because of thier education or career. That doesnt sit well with me. I mean to be a success you have to have everything in life.. love and money. Whats the point of working sooooo hard for the money and not worrying about love until you start to feel like its to late.
And in no way did everything just fall into place for me.. it was a bumpy ride but you know inshahallah both our destinations will me the same the path is just a bit different. :)
PS your last time..minus the single part, married women enjoy the same things... :) except they have the security that only a husband can provide. Personally I'd give up being single a million times to wake up next to Salman once, but I've been lucky to find him when I did.