Re: 2 divorces
whst the prob going thru iddat?
is that the only issue the girl has?
i thut another divorce was the issue.
the guys a jerk. have u tried telling him and his family that as her husband islamically its his duty to look after her.
If hes financially unable atleast physcially and emotionally.
Tomorow he could get such a disease wud he not expect his wifes and in-laws support?
A real sad case indeed.
Re: 2 divorces
I think the problem is picking out the husbands.
I think the problem is picking out the husbands.
LOL
WHAT goes around comes around…
for the first there is more into story as why would he refused to treat…
for the second marriage, she is sick herself. something fishy goin on.
soooooooo in other words u guys think she should leave her second husband,.....for her to go through another iddat is really much,she knows shes not pregnant, do u think she has to go through the whole 3 months & i think wht 10 days or somthing?
thanx all for ur replies.
She has to go through iddat no matter what. That is the requirement. During this time she can work or go to school if there is no one to support her. If she is living with her parents who are financially taking care of her then she cannot leave her home during this time.
Sounds tough eh? But that is the ruling.
Re: 2 divorces
He seems like a jerk, but not unexpected in our culture, especially w/ MIL. Tell her to talk to a medical counselor with her husband to help her figure out what to do. Also, can involve local imam to talk to husband. Make sure MIL doesn't interfere with counseling session, or don't tell her at all about it. If it still doesn't work out and she wants a divorce, she will still need to do the 3 months thing, it's as much about pregnancy as it is about a chance to reconcile. But it will be even more difficult for her to remarry b/c she'll be twice divorced and have a medical condition. Maybe she could go back to husband #1?
I've heard enough stories and seen sufficient Pakistani dramas and Indian movies where the husband is impotent and doesn't want to undergo treatment because it's a pride issue. The "impotency" is seen as a sign of being "less manly." Some husbands who hold such a view will go as far as denying their impotency and blaming the wife for having fertility problems....and ironically the women are more open to seeing a doctor about the issue. (not saying ALL desi guys back home are like this).
S_A_Khan786,
I sympathize with you about your health problems and hope that InshaAllah you will be cured soon. It's hard to comment on the first husband as we don't know all the details of that divorce. But that is in the past and right now it's important to concentrate on the second marriage and it's condition.
You are seriously ill..........and it's common knowledge that STRESS can have a further-crippling effect on a pre-existing illness. Stress can further aggravate a medical condition and therefore is is VERY IMPORTANT that you stay in an environment that is peaceful and where you have loved ones who will emotionally support and take care of you.
Here is my advice. I think that someone from your family such as your parents (maybe even an imam, who knows?) should talk to your husband and his parents and explain to them the role of husband in Islam. Maybe, such a discussion will help them open their eyes and realize their mistakes. And IF this discussion has NO positive impact on them at all (you'll find out very soon).....please leave this husband and go live with your parents, so that you can heal.
And when you're living with your parents.......please concentrate ONLY on healing. Don't think about your husband or his family or divorce. No negative thoughts. Just heal. And inshaAllah, when you have RECOVERED, you can then decide how you should handle your current husband and his family. I don't think that you should be dealing with the stress of divorce when you're sick. Have your parents talk to his parents and if they persist in behaving like animals.........just move in your parents and get better before making any decisions.
Re: 2 divorces
LOVE or DUTY, either one of those would make the husband treat his wife better, in this case it looks like there is neither.
Cant really comment on the first one, there could be quite many factors involved. Perhaps he realized his condition and that there was no cure and let his wife free. Second one seems like a pathetc a-hole who deserved to have his 'manhood' chopped off.
the fact that the girl was 32 & the guy 45 he must hav known he was impotent, should hav said somthin
I am not sure if the reason is good enough to have a divorce
A lot of couples dont have kids but they dont ask for divorces .
But failing to have erection is another problem
I would like to ask....
Is it low sperm count or is it failure to get erection?
I've heard enough stories and seen sufficient Pakistani dramas and Indian movies where the husband is impotent and doesn't want to undergo treatment because it's a pride issue. The "impotency" is seen as a sign of being "less manly." Some husbands who hold such a view will go as far as denying their impotency and blaming the wife for having fertility problems....and ironically the women are more open to seeing a doctor about the issue. (not saying ALL desi guys back home are like this).
In stories the story teller or story writer does not give options to the character. In drama and Indian movies the producer does not give choices to their actors.
But in real life husband and wife have a choice to keep all this personal and do not have to announce that husband is being treated for impotence. If he and she do not tell anybody about that treatment then there nobody will know.
Re: 2 divorces
i know someone who had the same health issues. her parents get her married with some guy in Pakistan. her MIL was like these things could be happen to anyone. kher she gets marry to that guy. But A-hole leaves her when he gets his migration done.
i honestly dont understand why ppl dont fear ALLAH SWT.
sorry mate, but the gal needs to be less dependent on her husbands and more on ALLAH SWT.
In stories the story teller or story writer does not give options to the character. In drama and Indian movies the producer does not give choices to their actors. But in real life husband and wife have a choice to keep all this personal and do not have to announce that husband is being treated for impotence. If he and she do not tell anybody about that treatment then there nobody will know.
Mirch,
I know that in real life, a couple has options that often times the script-writer of a drama does not provide his characters with. Somebody was wondering why a guy would not want to undergo treatment. And I was mainly addressing that question. And my guess to the reason why a guy doesn't want treatment is because it's a pride issue where he thinks that his inability to reproduce makes him less of a man. Another possible reason could be that he simply doesn't want kids.
And a few times (not all the times) the dramas leave the possible solutions to the viewer's imagination.....but they proceed to show the audience that the character has chosen to neglect those implied solutions and would rather prefer to go for a drastic solution instead.
whst the prob going thru iddat?
is that the only issue the girl has?
i thut another divorce was the issue.
the guys a jerk. have u tried telling him and his family that as her husband islamically its his duty to look after her. If hes financially unable atleast physcially and emotionally. Tomorow he could get such a disease wud he not expect his wifes and in-laws support?
A real sad case indeed.
Yes, a second divorce is an issue which is stressin her out alot.
In stories the story teller or story writer does not give options to the character. In drama and Indian movies the producer does not give choices to their actors. But in real life husband and wife have a choice to keep all this personal and do not have to announce that husband is being treated for impotence. If he and she do not tell anybody about that treatment then there nobody will know.
Yes ! it does sound like one of those tele dramas and movies.
Re: 2 divorces
For right now, just concentrate on getting better. The stress can interfere with your healing. Have your parents/imam talk to your husband and his parents. If this does not do any good....stay with your parents and get better. And then after you get better, decide what you want to do about your second husband.
I've heard enough stories and seen sufficient Pakistani dramas and Indian movies where the husband is impotent and doesn't want to undergo treatment because it's a pride issue. The "impotency" is seen as a sign of being "less manly." Some husbands who hold such a view will go as far as denying their impotency and blaming the wife for having fertility problems....and ironically the women are more open to seeing a doctor about the issue. (not saying ALL desi guys back home are like this).
S_A_Khan786,
I sympathize with you about your health problems and hope that InshaAllah you will be cured soon. It's hard to comment on the first husband as we don't know all the details of that divorce. But that is in the past and right now it's important to concentrate on the second marriage and it's condition.
You are seriously ill..........and it's common knowledge that STRESS can have a further-crippling effect on a pre-existing illness. Stress can further aggravate a medical condition and therefore is is VERY IMPORTANT that you stay in an environment that is peaceful and where you have loved ones who will emotionally support and take care of you.
Here is my advice. I think that someone from your family such as your parents (maybe even an imam, who knows?) should talk to your husband and his parents and explain to them the role of husband in Islam. Maybe, such a discussion will help them open their eyes and realize their mistakes. And IF this discussion has NO positive impact on them at all (you'll find out very soon).....please leave this husband and go live with your parents, so that you can heal.
And when you're living with your parents.......please concentrate ONLY on healing. Don't think about your husband or his family or divorce. No negative thoughts. Just heal. And inshaAllah, when you have RECOVERED, you can then decide how you should handle your current husband and his family. I don't think that you should be dealing with the stress of divorce when you're sick. Have your parents talk to his parents and if they persist in behaving like animals.........just move in your parents and get better before making any decisions.
Well the fact tht in his 600 yard home he made a small room so that kids com to learn the quran for free....he knows all that should be known by an islamic husband but seems theres no rights for wife, just the mum & sis.
thank u soooo much for the advise u honestly dont know how much this means to her.
Re: 2 divorces
^ I understand that few people would want 2 divorces in their relationship record. But what's worse? Living a life of misery with a man who has no interest in taking care of you when you're sick......or being free? Life is too short to surround yourself with people who have no regard for your suffering. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh....but a guy who doesn't care if his wife is severely ill........is not gonna give a rat's ass if she dies.
I know that Divorce is a last resort in Islam. But at least our religion gives us permission to separate as opposed to tolerating zulm....which is a sin in itself.
Well the fact tht in his 600 yard home he made a small room so that kids com to learn the quran for free....he knows all that should be known by an islamic husband but seems theres no rights for wife, just the mum & sis.
thank u soooo much for the advise u honestly dont know how much this means to her.
The Prophet SAWS said to the men among his followers that "The BEST among you is the one who is kindest to his wife."
Someone once came to the Prophet SAWS and told him about two women. The first woman prayed five times a day on time, fasted, etc. But she was not kind to the people and had a rough disposition. The second woman struggled with her performing her prayers......but she was kind to everyone. When asked who was the better person........the Prophet SAWS said the second woman.
These points need to be brought up by an imam to this woman's husband so he realizes the hypocrisy of his actions. Divorce is supposed to be a last resort. That's why you should have a meeting involving the girls parents (an imam perhaps) and the husband and his parents........before deciding on divorce.
^ I understand that few people would want 2 divorces in their relationship record. But what's worse? Living a life of misery with a man who has no interest in taking care of you when you're sick......or being free? Life is too short to surround yourself with people who have no regard for your suffering. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh....but a guy who doesn't care if his wife is severely ill........is not gonna give a rat's ass if she dies.
I know that Divorce is a last resort in Islam. But at least our religion gives us permission to separate as opposed to tolerating zulm....which is a sin in itself.
I agree, there is always hope in life , i think its not necessary to remain married to a selfish person and wait for something more worse to happen just to show society and people that you are married , instead I suggest all girls to get good education ,be strong, thinks about positives in life and move on. There is always sunshine waiting for you if you seek it.