Of Course everyone face sadness in their life but I feel it weakens your roots and not strengthen it. I have seen many people who faced a lot of tragedies and they don’t seem stronger than the people who have not. I know myself since birth and haven’t really been really sad, my parents passed away, some of my friends had tragic deaths etc and you have to just accept life and move on. My friends Kendalls are the strongest and happiest people I know, three kids, all gold medalist, amazing relationship, parents being high school sweethearts, grandparents are still living a vibrant life etc, they have great jobs also and seemingly no tragedy, not a lot of sadness in their lives yet they have strong roots and they have towering heights. My guiding principle in life is Socrates quotation that the purpose of life is to be happy. But this is just my POV, I am okay if someone does not agree. I also made sure that kids don’t get over emotionally dependent on us as I dont want them to overly grieve on us and just remember us with fondness and a smile on their face and not tears.
I think, from a psychological standpoint, feelings shouldn’t be avoided. They should be felt and dealt with. And if we are perpetually chasing happiness in a desperate attempt to avoid the more negative feelings in life then we become emotionally stunted individuals. Again, your example of your children uses the phrase “overly grieve”… problematic because *your *gauge will be different than everyone elses. The important thing here is that they allow the grief to take place in the first place. Attempting to avoid it and “think only happy memories” will prolong it… avoidance doesn’t work when it comes to emotions. And yes of course we can completely agree to disagree here :k:.
Thank you, I will for sure watch Ted talk, I deal with a lot of people and people get very intimate with me as building a home is a monumental occasion and I have been involved in senior housing, aging in place housing, dying spouses, widows, widowers etc and I was very careful in choosing my life philosophies. My ex was a palliative nurse also so she dealt with death also. I have seen people who could not recover from the death of a parent and spouse and I have seen people who bounce right back. Over grief in my opinion is when you are not able to function properly and are unable to enjoy life anymore for a prolonged period of life. I have also seen people totally shattered after death of a pet. Here is a Ted talk which I wanted to post on my thread about what you say is what you create. I also feel that as a parent I need to create healthy emotional attachment with my kids so they are not debilitated after I move on.
Thank you I watched the video, I still feel that trauma may not make people stronger. The ideal situation is to not have and to create a society where we reduce the amount of trauma, people live longer, healthier, there is no hunger and no sexual discrimination. I still feel that if Andrew might not have been victimized he might be happier and stronger and could even have had deeper roots. Blacks were victimized for centuries and really that did not make them stronger and their sufferings continue. I have been the person who chases happiness and has worked for me, I change my internal conversation to make my experiences happy. Again you are a very well read and intelligent person and you have valid reasons for your beliefs. 20 years of amazing and happy family life tells me that my approach has worked for me, it might not work for someone else. I tell myself every morning that It is my responsibility to be happy today.
