Re: Would You Marry Outside Your Culture?
i certainly won't unless i'm crazy n blind in luv becoz its the girl who has to do tons of adjustments its really not easy to fit in with ur inlaws.yes some ladies r really gud n learn others language n cultural traditions really fast but just not my cup of tea.
i'd do cross cultural for sure, not someone of a different religion. but then it also depends how they practie the religon. a lot of people don't care so much about religion so i don't think it would matter to them. my cousin got married to an irish guy who pretty much converted for her famly but then he doesn't ever fast or pray or anything really and my cousin doesn't really care. so effectively he might as well not be muslim.
cross cultural marriages can be dificult for sure, just depends how different the cultures are and how accomodating the person is. if you can learn to accept, respect and participate in a persns culture it sholdn't matter much.
Re: Would You Marry Outside Your Culture?
The love of my life is from peshawar and i’m from lahore. He lives in brooklyn and i’m in queens. we’re doomed :hinna:
Re: Would You Marry Outside Your Culture?
Marriage in a different culture is a perfect recipe for ultimate divorce or life long sacrifices by a non-dominant partner (mostly a woman) in most cases.
By different culture, I mean, say a Pakistani girl and African Muslim guy.
For Muslims, marrying a Muslim is the 1st criteria of course but people who think this is the only criteria are living in the fools' paradise.
bt stil u hav to compromise to som extent 
Re: Would You Marry Outside Your Culture?
I dont think I could ever have ne thing in common with someone that was outside of my culture... i mean i wanna be able to make desi jokes, watch indian movies, etc and for my other half to understand you know...
Re: Would You Marry Outside Your Culture?
Depends on flexible bone in your brain and back.
na.. i wouldnt marry outside of my culture.. our culture is very rich. Why try looking else where?
sighs those chooriyan, the dupatta, those cute nakrays, hand made rotis.. etc.. u cant find such beautiful culture anywhere in the world.
,
ofcourse one has to compromise in any marriage.even in same culture differences in opinions,lifestyle etc does cause lots of adjustment probs but in cross cultural probs multiply.i clearly remember an egyptian n another malaysian girl married in pak family n feeling totally isolated n igonered in a pakistani gathering where nobody knows their language n they hardly spoke urdu.our ppl in such gatherings(esp in pak )won’t bother even to speak eng for long. so these girls find it lot harder to live in joint families.yes if they live aboard with no inlaws involvement n ocassional visits it might b diff.
Re: Would You Marry Outside Your Culture?
Marriage is tough as it is so I don't think I would consider marrying someone outside my culture. It's just............different! I also would like to be able to relate to my husband as a Pakistani as well as an American! It just makes it so much easier!
Having said that, I think couples who do have the guts to marry outside their culture are really brave!! It takes a lot of courage to take such a huge step! And I have seen tons of successful marriages amongst these couples. But then again, I have also seen marriages collapse coz of cultural differences. Honestly, it all comes down to how well you understand your significant other and how compromising you both are. There are definitely many non-pakistani men (muslims ofcourse) out there who are much much better husbands than many pakistani men!
But I have noticed in most cases that when a pakistani man marries a white girl, it's very hard for her to adjust with his family coz they usually aren't very accomodating and are too busy holding a grudge against her!!
Re: Would You Marry Outside Your Culture?
Let us be very clear on what a multicultural marriage entails. Most people are in love with the idea of it being different, exotic, a new experience and something that is challenging at times, but has a happy ending. Multicultural marriages require a lot of sacrifices and compromises from both parties, and any half-baked solution without much thinking involved, is doomed for failure.
Re: Would You Marry Outside Your Culture?
lol...that sounds positively cryptic
What I was wondering was if someone would be willing to actually take that step-not just dream about it- but seriously consider walking into their living room and telling their parents they're in love with a...a new zealander (totally random)...
...And deal with the ensuing storms. Most wouldn't, I know; having witnessed several situations in which the girls left the guy from another culture because they were unwilling to bring that 'disgrace' on their family.
So this is about whether you would truly, honestly be willing to weather that storm.
Perhaps this is just me vicariously living through my thoughts; sometimes it's nice to think about other options!
Lemocker,
If you have met someone from a different culture who is a GOOD and PRACTICING MUSLIM, then go for it. I've seen couples of mixed backgrounds who have successful marriages. And in a way, it is exciting for them to learn about each other's culture, so it's more of an adventure. Such a marriage might be a little tougher (due to cultural differences).....but ALL marriages require mutual respect, communication, and efforts to make the relationship work.
Islam doesn't place any restrictions on marrying a good Muslim from a different culture. It boils down to personal preference as well. Some people are more comfortable with a spouse of similar background whereas others don't mind the difference. I personally would prefer similar backgrounds. But more power to those who have the courage to marry outside their culture.
Re: Would You Marry Outside Your Culture?
Hey RV;
I actually haven't. I know a lot of good, practicing reverts, but I haven't thought about them in that manner. Perhaps it's because I refused to let myself even think about that. What I cannot see, and will not stand for; is myself in a situation where I am made to feel lesser as a person because of my condition. And it's happened before; where I felt I was heading towards the most ideal of situations- but before anything could really happen he had to get an OK from a doctor. And this was in the very beginning when this rishta had just come.
I don't mean to say that all pakistani men will be like that; but every pakistani guy i've met has been like that. My issue is, everyone has an ideal that they want in their life. I, in no way, want to force myself onto someone else. We all have a right to pursue the kind of person we believe would make us happy. If it does come down to him being from another culture, I know I'd be willing to master that divide.
I like your posts, you write so clearly :-)
Re: Would You Marry Outside Your Culture?
Lemocker, i know a few pakistani girls who have married someone other than a pakistani.. and so far it has worked very well. But like all marriages, the first few years can be tough.. and i do recall one talking to me about them... but i assured her (as i got married only a year before her) that its very normal... :)
Also, my mums cousin married a jordanian women.. and this was a very new thing in our family... but his family and the rest of the extended family totally adore her.. they praise her everytime i go back to pakistan.. she's even got a lot of the women wearing hijabs..
its a scary thought.. but if one is sincere, then it can definately work. No marriage is without its own issues..
Re: Would You Marry Outside Your Culture?
Don't know how some people can still be 'anti' mixed marriages in this day and age. Living in a city like London it's become really really common, the majority of weddings we go to now where the girl is desi are cross-cultural marriages (the other way round tho with boys is a lot less common). The very next wedding we're going to in 3 weeks time the girl is marrying an English lad. People shouldn't bat an eyelid at it nowadays and the idea that they're more likely to divorce is just rubbish, out of the dozens of mixed marriages I know of only one couple has gotten divorced and that was due to major interference from the inlaws rather than issues within the marriage itself. It takes compromise at the beginning (like all marriages) but it really isn't the big issue some people like to make out it is.
Every since I came to the UK , I realized that all british born Pakistani origin families are no longer Pakistani.. they call themselves british , they walk and talk british ... their traditions are western ... even their religion has western influences... Therefore , they are actually living a british culture .. hence its much easier for them to accept mixed marriages ....
however , when i was living in dubai , I remember we were taught a very clear distinction between our pakistani culture/indian culture/arabic culture etc ...
When i went to Paksitan there was further classification.. cultural distinctions between punjabi's/peshawarites/karachi'its etc...
My parents being deep rooted in Pakistan , wanted a punjabi guy for me...
I being deep rooted in Dubai , thought doesnt matter as long as the guy is a pakistani and in the middle east.
and then when i came to the UK , i realized , to people over here nothing matters , I cant stand a british born desi guy for more then 5 minutes ! on the other hand my british born cousin got married recently to a swiss muslim guy ...
I realized they are from the same culture... they may not even have to make the sacrifices .. they both are clueless of their origins, they are both hardly praticising ... they both converse in english ...
so i guess its very much down to where we live , that allow us to take the leap into a different culture ...
Re: Would You Marry Outside Your Culture?
my cousin has married a nigerian. we've only recently found out as it was kept very well hidden. shes got 2 kids as well who are both black. i dont know if he's muslim but i dont think he is. my cousin is more westernised then religious if u knw what i mean.
^ A lot of Nigerians are Muslims. Kinda sad she had to keep all that a secret from u tho.
Re: Would You Marry Outside Your Culture?
^but many r christian as well.i didn't know b4 but even in Lebanon there r lebanese christians..a lot of them n many hav common muslim names