Re: Women's psychology!
make her feel more secure? she seems insecure and suspicious. tats not gud
Re: Women's psychology!
another one when i am speaking to my mum or sisters, she just assume that it has to be against her or they are bad mouthing when I sincerely tel her its not the case. its annoying to find her in utter anger even thinking to leave me by the time I am finished the converstaion. how hard i try to explain that even you think they are not well wishers for her, they havnet said anything against her. and i never lied to her.
it can be frustrating try to clear things that doesnt exist in reality but only in her mind.
let me know women, how to handle this?? or to alteast minimize it.
if she thinks ur not feeling well cuz of her.....just tell her uve been missing her thats why dont feel well and now that ur talking to her and with her you'll feel better....just hug her at that time it should sort it out. and may be u should tell her the real reason ur worried etc
doesnt she get on with ur sisters and mom? to be honest she should trust you enough to know that ur not talking bad about her to ur mom and sisters. ask her that doesnt she trust you? it will make her think. and maybe if she had a good relationship with ur mom and sisters she wouldnt feel like this.....try to work on that :)
ive personally never experienced the above 2 situations.....but having thought about it .....the above advice is all i can give. let me know if it works....or if u need more advice etc.
ps. if this only happens SOMETIMES....they it may be during her time of the month. just try to understand her more at that time and be a little patient :)
but be open with her and do tell her that it disturbs you or makes u upset when she behaves this way. tell her life is too short to be angry and upset and we should always be happy and her happiness is really important to you.....so say to her you always want to see her smiling.
Re: Women's psychology!
^^^ more or less have been doing this, assuring her that have trust in me. she knows as well that I dont lie, but its speculation in her mind, she even herself admit is not her control, when later found out its not the case. and i have explained it does disturb me.
i beleive my mom and sisters are on different wavelength, though they live 1000's miles away in Pakistan and Canada. She seriously think they all trying to make me leave her. which is very very un true. this marriage was arranged by mum and sister, and they really want to make it success.
when such thoughts are not on her mind she is a beloved person to be with, everything is rosy and fine until any though come to her mind cause my mentioning of my family member, a missed call or call or anything else relating to them.
Re: Women's psychology!
^I think you should get her to become closer to your family.....that will solve everything. maybe she trusts you but not them.....make her talk on the phone with them.....when you call or they call you.....just give the phone to her.....she'll have no choice but to talk and im sure it will make her more comfortable about ur family :)
ps. dont worry about it.....i think all girls are like this......you know even before girls get married....they are told sooo much about the mother-in-law etc (films/dramas etc)....that they tihnk its normal for them not to get on with her (i mean majority of saas and bahus dont get on unfortunately).....it shouldnt be like that esp if both of them are really nice people :)
maybe shes being like this cuz she loves you alot and doesnt want to lose you in anyway or even take the risk.....whatever is the case, she'll get over it soon insha-allah -just make her trust you :)
Re: Women's psychology!
Women start their relationship with mistrust and then move toward trust.
Men start their relationship with trust and then move on.
Re: Women's psychology!
Men start their relationship with trust and then move on.
witchdr -not all men are like you.
Shak kills -is that true what witchdr said?
i believe there are some decent men that start relationship with trust and keep the trust.....and same for women
Re: Women's psychology!
Rude awakening. Desi women are like this. She will not get over it but, unfortunately, you will. It is one of another holes which women dig for themselves. At the end of the day, whatever you do, it will be still your fault.
You are at the first stage of marriage where she is atleast admitting that she was wrong in her assumptions. The second stage is that she will claim to be right all the time.
And don't blame it on your arranged marriage; I have seen desi women with exactly the same attitude who got married in deep-love marriages.
Sorry to bust your bubble.
Re: Women's psychology!
nushuz - is the best remedy, when trust in intimate relations, is broken. What is the ultimate that we share with someone – our total being – physical, emotional and spiritual. When trust is lost, all is lost.
talking - is the best when it is to be recon ciliated and reaffirmed.
love or arranged or part both , all kinds of marriages go thru ups and downs of love and hate.
what one can do, is that get ur minds off of the obvious and try to get to the real causes of dis-ease and un comfortable ness.
just be good friends. talk over the problems. women, research shows are tending and befriending... but not at the expense of their own self respect.
men on the other hand, are instinctual - fight or flight.
ever wonder, what the birds are doing chirping at nite, in summer?
they're either calling their mates or talking over with them, what ever they want to talk about.
they do not care if they disrupt my sleep. in fact it is so neat to listen to them talk.
try it one day and then try it with ur loved one or spouse.
u will see how good u feel.
we are evolutionarily built as social animals - women demand commitment where as men, run away from it.
& that is the beauty of the circle of life for the human kind and its genders' role-type battles.
Re: Women's psychology!
Shak kills -is that true what witchdr said?
i believe there are some decent men that start relationship with trust and keep the trust.....and same for women
My move-on comment was misleading. I did not mean to say that they move on to another relationship.
Re: Women's psychology!
Witch Dr. aren't you just generalizing....???
Psychology is different at individual levels....n not on desi, non-desi level, i think. :)
Shak, I think there's some communcation gap. I'm not a sane person to advise anyone, but I think k If (Allah forbid) I'm thinking the way your wife thinks about you n your family, I'll need assurance.
I don't know if we made a concious effort for that but me n him both always try to convey the compliments etc. from either sides to eachother....like I'll always tell him k how much my folks/uncle etc. appreciated certain things he did....n sometimes he tells me how much someone on his side appreciated me for something in my absence etc. It just make things somewhat colourful n pleasent.
Plus, sometimes being alone in a foreign land gets to some of us. Trust me it gets really difficult sometimes when you are living without any social network. I don't know, if your wife has any friends around, but if no...it could be the reason.
Another thing, for me its true k when I miss my prayers i tend to pick a bone with my hubby more often......As soon as i take care of that Allah takes care of all else.I'm not preaching or anything but leaving your prayers DOES have a serious effect on one's life, IMHO.
Hope it helps.
Re: Women’s psychology!
Did you have an arranged marriage/love?
Is your wife from the same cultural background as you? ie, born and brought up in the same country/west/east?
Re: Women's psychology!
Psychology is different at individual levels....n not on desi, non-desi level, i think. :)
Unfortunately, I am and actually you are right. It is not a matter of desi or non-desi, and I think, too a large extent all women think alike. So those men who live in a fairyland and think their wives are fairies and they won't have any worries, apprehensions, and insecurities are just being unrealistic. Also those men who think the one over there is better than their partner are not right as well.
Re: Women’s psychology!
It was completely arranged. but i did make efforts to comfort her and make my mind up and i never have any doubts that it cant work. if you ask me I am still trying to make it an ideal one. it has been improved may be due to understanding nature of each other.
we are from same background both born in same city of Lahore brought up in same city. howevery one thing I have noticed her family environment is different to ours with very less interaction with outside of sisters and parents. they have lived with company of eachother mostly sisters and mum.
while we have quite large social circle of relatives and family friends in Pak.
After Marriage I think I have become unsocial as well, i dont go or friends come over less as compared to before marriage scenario.
I am fine with everything, its just worrying about things that are not happened, thinking about things can get only worst.
AFia, she have couple friends who are already here, she talks to them once or twice a week and it has positive effect.
Impulse, after a long communication gap, now i have started to make her talk to my parents, which wasnt possible before cause she wouldnt talk to them in case they may say something bad to her, and on the other hand my parents get worried that the only “Bahu” doesnt talk to them. she has been trying to make an effort after admitting it was wrong. so when I call i pass over to her when I am home. She has tendency to brand some people who can only bad wish for her always no matter what.