Well, for my husband, his parents come first and according to him he cant leave them alone.
And for my mil, she thinks it is bahu’s responsibility to look after whole house and cook and serve mil and fil.
She says she raised and looked after her sons with this thinking that once they grow up, they will get her bahus who will do her khidmat and she will have some rest :D.
Parents coming first doesn’t mean the wife should come second. And bahu’s responsibility is only for her husband and vice versa. Not her in-laws. If your in-laws DEMAND this from you then they are crazy.
My In-laws are amazing people. Never ever they asked me to cook and clean. My MIL says, " beti tumhare ana seh pahle bhee tu kamm hu rahaii thai yahan". BUT i help her out cook and clean out of my OWN choice. And I chose to live with my in-laws instead of living separately.
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That’s nice, MashaAllah!
The root-cause of all the issues is my mil, with all the rona dhona she does with my husband. And for my husband, he has seen his mom serving her in-laws, so the same he wants his wife to do as well. It is very complicated, and impossible to put some sense into these guys. Basically they follow culture instead of religion in regards to this!!!
Terrible circumstances.
I have a sister in law in US in pretty much the same shitty situation as your’s. The only slight difference is, she’s with the same guy serving the same MIL for 23 years now.
Yes! Believe it or not but yeah, its been decades and despite being pretty much self-sufficient and confident in her guts, had to endure all of this… the catch was, kids.
Just like you, she has access to good jobs and livelihood. Just like you she is mature and intelligent and knows what’s and not’s of a family system. Just like you she has been obedient to her Husband’s wishes and had to adapt to his lifestyle. And just like you; she has no support whatsoever from her own family. Coincidentally they are also in US but, you know how the dice rolls in our culture.
So what I can suggest to you is … try talking to your husband and be as clear as daylight. If talking is not going to resolve anything, then…
FIGHT.
I mean take it to the court if you have to… and that’s your only option. The only thing my SIL avoided was a direct confrontation with her husband on her freedom of choice, because like you she was afraid for her children, but then after 23 years and someone asks her about her priorities and she would still wanna escape with her children to a far off land. Now her eldest son is in Uni, but because of this eco system he is quite spineless, though he fully knows what her mother has to go through every day. It’s just not into him. And for the most part, no one can blame him. Would you like your children to be like him?
If your MIL and others are just as you have portrayed them here, then for the love of God don’t’ hesitate in retaliation. Up there Cashmere has suggested moving back to Dubai and securing yourself a Job and e.t.c. That shd be your priority now. You need to get firm asap.
Hope the best. GOOD LUCK.
Has your situation improved? Best wishes.