Re: What exactly is flirting?
flirting is wat girls in indian movies do.they laugh with a guy,dance, with him,play hide n seek with him n even hug him every now n then. but when the guy wanna propose to them hey say innocently"oh i never thought abt u like that.i've always thought u as my bhai":)
flirting is wat girls in indian movies do.they laugh with a guy,dance, with him,play hide n seek with him n even hug him every now n then. but when the guy wanna propose to them hey say innocently"oh i never thought abt u like that.i've always thought u as my bhai":)
Ha ha ha ha. Zabardast.
Flirting jo bhi ho per ghair mard say baat karna mana hai aur yahan sub mushwara day rahay hain kay logon ki parwa na karo aur baat kartay raho. Masha Allah.
Waisay aap main say kitnay musalman hain jo ghalat mashwaray day rahay hain.
Sirf neeat hi naheen amal bhi karni hoti hai.
Woh mard jin say aap baat, hansi maazaaq karain gi wohi aap ko chichori aur awara kahain gay.
i agree with Gr8heera
Re: What exactly is flirting?
Thank you for achchi baat main agree karnay ka.
hmm yeh flirting kia hotee hei!!..
heyllooo TD…long time no seee…where have u been??
It seems there are many different opinions of what flirting really is. No matter where you try to find more information about it. And there also seem to be many different opinions about when you can know a person really is flirting or not.
I think the safest people to be with, without being accused of flirting or any other kind of indecent behaviour with them, would be the homosexual people. Nobody could accuse a female of flirting and indecent behaviour with a homosexual male. So she can safely communicate with that homosexual male without anyone accusing her of something she never intended to do with him.
Oh, I know, as a Muslimah I'm supposed to hate people who do something haraam with their homosexual feelings. I know, being friends with someone like that would be indecent behaviour too, but then in a different way.
For me the best solution is now very clear, first I was doubting. Now I just know. I should remain completely alone, no work, no friends, no relatives, no one. Only my kids and me. Then no one can ever lie that I said or did something that I actually didn't say or do and then no one can misinterpreet anything I do or say. I should just have as less contact as possible with people. Then my intentions also won't be misunderstood, on purpose or by accident.
Misinterpretations are a part of life, Notorious. There are times when I misinterpret what my parents say to me. They are times when my parents misinterpret what I say to them.
And in the future......when your kids become older and naturally more independent in their thinking.......they're going to misinterpret your messages.....and you're going to misinterpret theirs.
Dealing with misunderstandings....and correcting them when they arise is normal in every relationship. BUT it becomes a serious ISSUE **when the other person is **CONSTANTLY harassing you with "misunderstandings" in the form of accusations........because in a situation like this, such a person has an AGENDA on their mind.....and is **NOT **a sincere person. You need to stay away from such people.
BUT not everyone is like that. You will know who your real friends are. True friends will have misunderstandings about you sometimes (that's normal)......but they won't** ALWAYS harass u with misunderstandings. And **true friends will know to back off and stop bugging/accusing you after you've cleared up their misunderstandings.
AVOIDING ALL PEOPLE AND REMAINING COMPLETELY ALONE......is NOT a mature decision or outlook. And it's not healthy for your children if they see that mommy avoids all social interaction. Rather, they need to see how mom handles problems in social settings.
The best thing to do is hang out with people who you are compatible **with and who **respect you........(not those who harass u with accusations). It takes time to find compatible and sincere friends.....but it's not impossible. And you have to be careful with your tongue/words/actions in ALL relationships. Even when interacting with your own children, u have to be careful with your words and actions. That's something every person has to consider in **ALL **relationships. It's even strongly urged in Islam to mind your tongue when dealing with others.
But, seriously Notorious, following ANY extreme (such as remaining completely alone) is NOT wise, N*OT **healthy, **NOT* encouraged in Islam........and just shows that you're running away from life. The key is to be careful......NOT to isolate yourself from others!
A brave woman like u who was strong enough to separate from a toxic husband and family in order to start a new life for her children and herself........did NOT come this far to have such a negative outlook. That only defeats the purpose of all the efforts for independence that you have made.
Find compatible friends, be careful with your words/actions in all relationships, and understand that a reasonable amount of misunderstandings are a normal part of LIFE and takes place in all relationships....even the strongest.
I think the kind of friends I"m looking for don't exist, because I want people like me.
Even though many people have one or a few things similar to me, for the rest they are completely different. No one in the world is like me exactly.
I would have wanted people around me, who like me really genuinely care for the other. I have cared a lot about certain friends, but for them I was either nothing or they just didn't care that much about me. So from my side there was a lot of friendship for those ladies, but for me, they didn't care that much, some of them, not at all.
I can't be a little bit friends with people, when I'm their friend, I start to worry about them if they have problems, I begin to care about them a lot. Also I don't like to tell lies against any one, especially not against any friend. And when they need my help, I try to help where I can. I'm even a friend for them when they have problems. I just can't be a fake friend. That means I will never have people around me, because I can only accept genuine friendship and I've never met anyone who was that kind of friend for me.
I don't accept awful relationships, I didn't accept that in my marriage, but same goes for friends, a few ladies I cared so much about have hurt me and shown me that friendship nowadays doesn't exist, at least not the genuine kind of friendship I would have wanted. I don't want fake hypocrite friends. Instead of that, I want people like me with my own kind of character as my friends.
Yes, misunderstandings are everywhere. But I don't think I could explain what happened to me, the way I was misunderstood probably no one has ever been misunderstood...
I've told my children everything, we've talked about everything and they don't misunderstand me. With my children, I don't have to be careful at all. We discuss everything and everything remains fine.
I've accepted that I will never find people like me. I'm better off alone in my life. Sure I go places, I'm even going to follow a course. I do fun stuff with my children once in a while. That's enough.
Re: What exactly is flirting?
^ I understand that it takes time to find sincere friends. As I grow older, I realize that my circle of friends has grown smaller because people are not sincere. So I have a few cherished true friends. Being hurt by people has made me develop somewhat of a tougher skin. I've learned not to expect to much from others. Because people are not machines. They will not act according to your expectations and you can't make them. So since you can't change that, it's best not to get too worked up over it. Instead, it's best to change the way you react to the situation. I try to help people with sincerity.....and it's okay if they dont' help me back. I'm not going to let their actions prevent me from being a good strong and happy person. I'll help and support them from the goodness of my own heart. And if they have shown that they can't reciprocate.......then I try to help and solve problems by myself. And when I find they're getting irritating, I just take a break from them. Just keep things casual. Be the best friend u no how to be.....dont' expect from others. Rather, teach them.......be a good example for them without expecting return. I've seen people understand friendship by seeing positive examples set by others.
One of my friend's older sister who has been disappointed by the way people act has developed a casual attitude. She says that invite people into your home without expecting returns. Give people gifts without expecting returns. And love without expecting return. You can't control others.......but you can strengthen and develop ur own soul!
Unless you have an identical twin, you are not going to find one in friends. My mother says, “when you are having difficulty finding friends, then there is something wrong with you. What needs to be evaluated is yourself- why is it hard for you to find friends? "
My mother has a best friend- and you know what, they have their issues from time to time, when one or the other fails to be somewhere at a certain point, or fails show tact about something. But you know what is unique about their friendship? They both have the immense power to forgive and look over another’s mistake. Yes, they’ll be mad at each for a day or two, and then they’ll forget about it move on. In fact they don’t even really talk about what went wrong. They just directly go on to the “move on” stage.
They don’t hold grudges or keep track of who gave what when- because they know that it is just trivial compared to the time they can spend laughing with each other! My mom’s best friend is always making me yummy food for me because I room with her daughter. My mom, whose always thankful, just can’t keep up with returning that favor. But my mom’s best friend does not care, she knows that my mother gives back in other ways and they might not always equal out, and it really doesn’t matter- and she continues to make me delicious meals whenever she’s making her daughter's!
Over the years, they’ve given each other silent treatments when they’ve had disagreements, but they’ve always come back together, with out really even talking about it. *That is true friendship, when, like siblings, you can be angry with each other, but at the end of the day forgive and forget. When you can be flexible enough go forgive and tolerate each other’s imperfections, and not be oversensitive to each word that is accidently said out of a moment of airheadedness, and not expect something in return each time you do something for them… *
I have a friend that I’ve known since childhood, and we never exchange gifts. Never. We meet each at other’s dawats, at my house, or her house. In fact we don’t even call each other. But when we meet we’re always together like best friends! We talk about everything, and time flies super fast. My friendship with her is like having many one-night stands. There is no obligation for anything. All we care about is having fun for the moment- no strings attached, no phone calls needed when someone’s grandma dies, etc.
Friends are like flowers, you will find them in a variety, with good characteristics and thorns, but you have to accept them in a package, ignore their defects and revel in their good!
For a start what you can do is examine people that have a lot of friends. **Talk to them and **find out what characteristics make them so magnetic that people immedialty like them? Then try to implement them with in yourself...and you'll be surprised at the potential you have to make friends! But to do that you have let go of your assumptions, that they have "fake friends" or are "fake friends." Friendships comes in many forms, and doesn't always have to be super deep. Sometimes it just means having a good chat or a good time and not really the "when someone's grandma dies you feel obligated to call them" friendship.
You know what, I've even helped people I didn't know, people I knew I would never see again. I knew I would never get anything back. but that didn't matter to me. I did the same with friends. I helped them and all I wanted was either nothing, or friendship. But what they gave me instead, were lies against me, very terrible lies.
After helping both friends and people I knew I would never see again, one of the accusations I got was, that according to them "I help people to 'use' them for something"! How could they accuse me like that! Most people I helped, didn't have anything that could be usefull for me, I knew that, the things I needed help with in my own life, they wouldn't be able to help me with those. So I was the one who was in reality usefull for them. And I helped them a lot, it gave me pleasure, satisfaction. I was happy to do something for them, even when I knew they couldn't do anything for me.
I thought, some of them will be friends and most of them won't be friends, but that doesn't matter to me. I was fine with that. When you help someone, you feel good about yourself, you feel fantastic. Only for that reason I helped people. So why did they accuse me of intentions I didn't have?!
After everything I did for them, I thought those ladies would either give me friendship or nothing at all. Both things were fine for me. What I never expected was that I would be accused of helping them with some negative intention that I never had! Imagine helping people only for the sake of helping them, and then being accused of helping them out of negative intentions!
Nowadays, I'm never sure if I should help people, maybe they will again lie that my intentions towards them are negative, just like those ladies whom I had mistaken to be friends. While I only like to help for the sake of helping, for the pleasure it gives me.
I've been the victim of many misunderstandings, the misunderstandings against me caused many many problems more. In my case, it made my life worse. The only reason I have problems nowadays, are misunderstanding against me. Family problems were solved in 2004-2005. What mostly remain are the misunderstandings about me which are still being used against me in life. I couldn't explain to you what exactly happened. Probably no one has ever been misunderstood the way I've been misunderstood.
I would like to know though, how one can forget awful things. Sure, when there is just a fight, you can later forget.
But how about the more awful things? Even though my problems are over, the memory of awful things remains. I still become depressed or just sad, when I'm reminded of the fights that caused so many problems for nothing. Like being hit so much, that it caused bruises etc., memories like those are difficult to forget. The people who helped causing those are difficult to forgive.
Or the false accusations which caused so many problems for nothing.
Normal things, one can forget. Normal misunderstandings.
I still become angry when I think about what happened during my marriage, even though all the problems were solved in 2004-2005. In my head the awful memories stay. I can't easily forget that. Maybe that is a fault in my character, I don't know, but I can't for example forget the bruises and the pain on different parts of my body. Because of that, I have difficulty in forgiving people who didn't help me to get away from him.
And friends whose lies against me caused different problems for me, I can't forget either. Becuase those problems are still there.
I didn't get a nice life afterwards, only false accusations and misunderstandings. That makes forgetting awful things even more difficult. When you afterwards have support and have a wonderful life, you can forget easily. I'm even about to have even more problems. My belongings are going to be taken away. I'm going to have an empty house because I can't pay something that I'm actually not even supposed to pay.
That will only bring me back to why my life is like that. I will remember again where it all began. I was forced to stop my education, because I was forced to marry my cousin who wanted me out of school. But he didn't stop the problems, he only became worse, and then .... etc. I then remember what happened until the time of today. Thinking about how I was in this situation. Being accused of things I didn't do or say or mean, because of that being treated terribly everywhere, etc. for nothing. If I would have had a nice job, well, I do have an occupation, I'm a writer, but I earn nothing with that job, but I could have had a fine earning job with that, so at least my belongings wouldn't be taken away from me. Then I could have had enough money, a nice social life, etc. It could have helped me to forget the awful marriage that though it lasted 9 years, it has destroyed me for the rest of my life.
It's easy to forget problems when you have at least one person helping you, believing you, supporting you. And then to have at least something. But when along with the awful memories of awful marriage which was so difficult to get rid of, you also get false accusations for nothing, people whom you've never insulted being nasty to you for nothing, no work, no money to pay the bills, people whom you've always had a nice relationship with, suddenly refusing to visit you, while you've been politely asking them for years, those same people visit everyone else, but not you, suddenly, without any reason at all, so having no social life even with the people you do like and the ones you did not reject or fight with, and having no work, having nothing at all, it's difficult to forget problems. What's also weird is, when having had to live like this for several years, suddenly one day, people are 'welcoming' you back in social life without telling you why they were suddenly without any fight or reason at all so hostile towards you all those years, why the hell they are now acting 'kind' towards you. Suddenly every one wants to be your friend again. When you've just gotten used to living alone...
Nah, I'm better off alone.