Re: wedding gifts
If only all things in life were that simple.
When we are young, we usually choose who we hang out with.
We get a little older and we are forced to hang with the folks that our parents choose.....all part of getting hooked up in the right place according to them.
We get married and have to compromise who we hang out with because now we have a whole new dynamic involved -- the in-laws.
We end up having to socialize with hubby's friends....he tolerates our friend's partners, even though he may not share interests with them and we put up with his friend's partners, even if she only has a couple of brain cells at her disposal.'
The we have kids and again are forced to select a group of people to hang with that are suitable for the environment we want our kids exposed to.
So you see...it's not as easy to completely surround yourself with only those that you "like" or "get along with".
I like the western approach where you are expected to pay for your plate, this sum could vary depending on the venue/menu/open bar etc., and then some. So if the party is held at a very posh location with a full out menu and open bar and you are invited as a couple, then you should be bringing a cash gift of around $250 - $350. This is then collected in a box, so nobody is embarassed by taking the envelope in their hand, and at the end, I believe the cost of the wedding is deducted by those that paid for it and the balance is handed off to the couple.
perhaps... i dont have kids yet so i can't comment on that portion, but i do socialise with andrew's friends/family and he socialise's with mine, and maybe we're just lucky but we haven't yet come across people that we dislike but HAVE to hang out with anyway. if theres someone we mutually dislike, we usually stop seeing them, and thankfully family-wise, this isn't much of an issue, so its really only "friends" like that.
in the end, i think that you absolutely have final say in whom you really treat as a friend and with whom you build a relationship, regardless of whether they're part of your family or are your friends. if you truly don't get along with someone, to force yourself to keep up appearances can get pretty exhausting, even if they are part of your familiy or your in-laws.
and yeah, i like the western approach too to gifting money at weddings too, but it ends up being pretty expensive so i highly doubt that people you're not close to will end up gifting that huge an amount.