Guys, tell me what is the best way to deal wid those sexist, biased, racisit comments u hear from ppl…
u know those ppl r every where…on the streets…on forums…in chat rooms…in real world, in virtual world…every where…
they annoy me sooooo much…I usually ignore those ppl, but some times by doing that i feel so powerless. And i really really wanna hit them hard…
huh huh…what shud i do in such situations??how shud i respond…??
what u say???
Wellcome to earth....
The only way of dealing with this is getting comfortable with it......
This is the world...both good and bad..
Naikoo
first and foremost you must realize and know that when people call you names, it does not change who you are...
what you have to do is look at these people and what their motivations/reasons are, and you will be making a judgement call..
some people will just want to use ehtnic slurs to piss you off..and want a reaction
others just dont know any better and are too stupid to realize.
You should have a rational response only to those who you feel are uninformed and communication may erase that.
for those who try to piss you off, the biggest thing is to not get upset, but laugh at how pathtetic these ppl are. and depending on the situation and the wit, you can either respond back in a way that would shut them up or just shrug it off.
I recall one time I was at an airport with my wife, brother in law and his wife..and when we were exiting from the airport, some hicks waiting for the elevators, started saying pretend-arabic stuff to get a reaction from us.
I had to say nothing...I looked at them up and down, made the sign of a big beer belly and waddled like a fat hick for a few steps. since all of them had it, and laughed in a total a**holish manner and shook my head.
usually I ignore people, but sometime i return the favor because when the initiator of the slur gets humiliated in front of his buddies...its fun.
Naiko, there is no excuse for such behavior, here, there, anywhere. The way I deal with it is sometimes to ignore such behavior and thank God that I am not like him or her. Other times, I expose my anger by cursing back in Punjabi.
This is only a matter of people being rude and obnoxious. It is not necessarily a reflection on their fullness. Sometimes the most calm and collective are the ones who resort to foul behavior.
But if such behavior exists in a workplace, there are remedies for that. I wouldn’t worry about this too much if it is only on streets or on the net. You are more in control by controlling yourself not to resort to such behavior. I think.
No I am not agree with Nova, I think we should consider other peoples and try our best not to hurt their feelings.
And what to do about those peoples. I thing you should implement three and out rule, three warning and if still not behaving throw him/her out.
Next
I am out...
This was something my children faced and stil face at times. It's bad enough when you are an adult but boy does it get me mad when kids are the targets.
One thing they asked me was to teach them to swear in Urdu, poor kids, the company we keep doesn't allow them to learn that so I taught them "dhatteriki" and - don't laugh! "Chappan" said with venom (who else knows what it really means?). Yes that is a childish response but it seemed to work!
As for the rest you just have to understand that people do that because they have problems not you!
oh! NYAhmadi can you teach us all some punjabi bad words?
Naiko, I beleive in forgiving the person, Ignore and ignore again. I noticed that if you ignore the person for some time he will let you go. I had experienced few things in UK and I rememebr I ignored the remarks and actions of other person and it worked. Atleast I did not loose any thing, but they did.
I remember, when I was in school, One day when I was coming home. I got on the bus and saw an empty seat, as I moved to sit on it there was another guy ran and grabed it before me. I just moved away and did not do anyhthing. That guy looked at me for few minutes and got up and said
Aap baith Jain.
I refused and he sat there with his head down. Now, the whole bus saw that, who was the looser, Not me......
Now that guys was a son of a power full person (I don't want to mention his name) and was famous SOB of the my street, but he never bothered me again.
Johny Yar, you may not be Rosa Parks, but you did the right thing.
Dear Babez, may be sometimes in Chat, I can tell you a few basic ones. But please don’t say those words to Fraud Bhai, he will kill me.
oopps sorry
[This message has been edited by johnd (edited June 16, 2000).]
For guys, people will call names like 'iddiot', 'gadha' and some other censored ones. So there is a 'noun harassment' or 'adjective harrassment'
On the other hand for women there is 'verbal harassment' or 'exclamation harassment'.
I used to have 'question mark' harassment when i used to study. no longer.
Naikoo one more thing. if this verbal harassment is occuring at work, document days, times, who said what etc and talk to a superior about it to inform them that this is going on and although you are not going to make a formal complaint at this point, you are documenting it and wanted the senior mgrs to be aware of the situation. ask them for help in resolving this mess.Usually that does it.
Depending on the personality and your perspective you can try the direct approach as well. There was a moron named Rick Swider in my former company who had his issues and over a number of days decided to pick on me non stop. I responded back hoping that it eould end his battle but seeing that it was not working, I stopped responding for a few days, and then at one incidence I got up and said in a very firm manner “Rick, this stuff was not funny 3 days ago, and it is not funny now. I expect you to stop this behavior immediately or I will have to take this up officially”
we worked in a work group setting then, many people around us, they gasped…Rick looked like someone had dropkicked him in the groin..he had no words to respond…he backed off…Of course he was fired a few days later but that was due to performance issues
http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smile.gif
hopefully he thought he got let go due to me :>
[quote]
Originally posted by NYAhmadi:
But please don’t say those words to Fraud Bhai, he will kill me.
[/quote]
I am not a killer...damn it, I wont kill you. I will hire someone to do it...sheeesh..u think of me as a killer..and I thought we were friends..
Fraud Yara, trust me some of those Punjabi GallaN are powerful, I mean really powerful. Forget about Friendship, they can bruise even the birth relations. Specially when a Gal (profanity) involves your mama’s relationship with a tractor.
When my wife was giving birth to our first child, I was with her while delivery, and I was told how she really feels about me. She unified my Mother and Sister into one (maaN BehN aik kar di). I hope you are prepared for the future.
NY hahah lets put it this way. Although I am not Punjabi..by about 5-10 miles from what I hear...I have been blessed with great punjabi pals throughout my life and have become a true jedi knight of Punjabi curses..although not a jedi master yet.
One of my fav ones involves the sport of flying parrots or creative uses of patakhas.
I practise my punjabi cursing when i am driving alone and am peeved at the idiots I have been senetenced to share the highway with. Sometime it is so bad that I have to stop and make sure that i have not accidentally dialed someone on the mobile...
Interesting topic ...you don't have to look far, some participants on this forum use all kinds of racists and sexist remarks amounting to harrasment, if they don't like what you say.
ignore once, ignore twice, and if the person does it a third time, take it up with him/her...
Johnd!
You are right. for example, yesterday I received an email (most probably from one of the participant of gupshupp). The contents are NICE to share withh all of you. Enjoy:
[quote]
Mr Nadeem you stupid, idiot, nonsense. What are you contributing in gupshupp. Nothing except emotional torture. Better to leave the forum before you kicked out....... ... ....
[/quote]
I've censored many of the words and leave here only that I can share with guys and gals both.
In reply, what I did? I didn't replied with a view that may be I am having these qualities what (s)he has mentioned.
Johnd! you are right. Khamoshee, Shyaestagee, aur Methay Ekhlaq say hee hum DousrouN ko apna bana saktay hain. Am I right??????
Nadeem
Naik, people who make racial, biased and sexist remarks towards others don't have a life. They don't understand what having morals, ethics and dignity is all about. They do all these things to derive a certain satisfaction out of harrassing others. If you let them get to you, then you will be guaranteeing their success and thus they will continue to target you. All I can say is, if you were to reciprocate what they are saying, then there won't be any difference between you and them. You would be stooping down to their level. The best way of dealing with such situation is to activate your ignore key. However, if matters get out of hands to the point where you feel that the lava which has built inside you, is going to explode any second, then it's better to let the other person have a piece your mind. But that should be done in a manner where you won't be using the kind of language that they used. I think "Khamooshi" say ziyada bari aur buri koi saza naheen.
[This message has been edited by Rarediamonds & Gold (edited June 16, 2000).]
Thats part of life Niak bibi...the best you can do is IGNORE! Hey thats what i do! And if you cant ignore than try to beat it, if you cant do that, just stop wineing and crying about it! see ya!
Jaawan
Till next time**Keep_It_Simple_Stupid**©