**salaam Precious Khan saaHab,
bahooot hii 'umda Ghazal aapne pesh kii hai.
yeh Ghazal hai jaisa aap jaante hii haiN aur Ghazal do misr’oN par mushtamil hotii hai. aapne ek misr’e ko do HissoN meN baaNT kar 4 misr’e kar diye haiN jiskii vajah se Ghazal ka radeef aur qaafiya darham barham ho gayaa hai…maiN ne Theek kar diyaa hai, ab aap dekh sakte haiN k meraa kahne kaa kia maqsad thaa.
is Ghazal meN kuchh Ghalatiyaan haiN jinheN maiN ne durust kii haiN aur use BLUE FONT meN kar diyaa hai:
-pahle she’r meN aap ne “kaash inhe****” likhaa hai jisse misr’a out of meter ho gayaa hai…ise agar palaT deN [inheN, kaash!] jaise maiN ne kiyaa hai to saHeeH ho jaayegaa.
-dusre she’r meN aap ne do jagah lafz “hii” miss kar diyaa thaa jise maiN ne add kar diyaa hai. ab misr’a in meter ho gayaa hai…pahle nahiiN thaa.
chauThe she’r meN aap ne likhaa “khuli khuli si zulfeN” jo k durust nahiiN hai kiuN k zulf mu’annas [feminine] hai is liye next misr’e meN “saNwarte” saHeeH nahiiN hai bal k “saNwartii”" honaa chahaiye thaa jo k qaafiya nahiiN…use “saNwarte” hii honaa chaahiye…is liye mere Khayaal se shaa’ir ne “khule khule gesuu” use kiyaa hogaa kiuN k lafz gesuu muzakkar [masculine] hai aur uske saath “saNwarte” saHeeH hogaa.
isii Ghazal ke hoo ba-hoo Hasrat Jaipurii kii ek Ghazal aur hai jise MoHammd Rafii ne film Kanniyadaanm ke liye gaayii thii…aap bhii yeh video dekh leN aur Khud gungunaa kar dekh len k jaise maiN ne correct kiyaa hai vo perfectly usii tarz par gaayii jaa saktii hai jab k jis taraH aapne likhaa hai usko gaayaa nahiiN jaa saktaa [jahaan jahaaN Ghalati hai]. vo Ghazal yeh hai…enjoy!**
**
yeh sherwani meri university kaa uniform thaa jise ham roz to nahiiN pahente the magar jum’a, eidain aur university functions par zaroor pahnaa karte the aur Khaas kar Sir Syed Ahmad Khan kii Birthday par jis meN 25000 students/staff shirkat kiyaa karte the aur sabhii kalai sherwani, safed paijaama, kaali Topii, kaalaa jootaa zeb-e-tan karte aur safed rumaal chest pocket meN tuck-in karte the…sabhii log ek saath hii Dinner kiyaa karte the…haaaye!! koii lauTaa de mire beete huye din!!! :(**