Ashy no offence but you have no right to judge his mother like this. And this is where the problem starts when assumptions are made based on thin line. Secondly, the guy's sisters are probably excited and happy that is why they want to come and see. Whats wrong with that? And lastly, they probably have reasons for having un-married sisters. Again, no right of you to even judge them based upon having so many unmarried sisters of his. Sab ke apnai issues hain. Focus on yourself as to what your ideal partner should have...make a list and go accordingly. The minute you some of my fellow men or some women starts to assume as well judge them unfairly, then you become a product of our backward culture.
When did I judge the mother? :O I said whatever she is doing is the best for her family and if my mother would be in her place, she would be doing the same.
I am again not judging so many unmarried sisters but this factor has definitely affected our decision since the guy does not earn much and his income would be enough for his wife only but we understand that he has responsibilities for his unmarried sisters (since the father is retired) so rather than me accepting the proposal NOW and making fuss after the marriage, I think its better NOT to pursue the proposal and making their lives and my life easier in the future. I don't think I can be upto her expectations. Its not that I am judging them. Its that I am judging myself.
Besides, they are more interested in a working girl. Although I am working, but I don't think there should be any condition before the marriage that the girl WILL continue work after marriage.
Regarding coming to see the girl, come on. We are not not exhibition display items. I have no problem with one sister coming. But 3-4-5 sisters coming and looking at me like an object is kinda insulting. The sisters themselves are going through this rishta process and are still insensitive about this issue which is pathetic. You cannot imagine the pain and insult we girls have to go through this cattle market practice in an arranged setting. The guys families can at least make this process a bit easier for the girls. Do we have to pay this price if we plan to marry in an arranged setting?
^Ashy, sure good enough. You do know your situation much better as you are better judge in this respect. However, lets talk about the last paragraph for little bit. Arrange marriages ARE like this. Girl is definitely not a show- case but she becomes the excitement hope and very positive aspect of human emotions. If you feel un-comfortable with so many people coming to see you then, make it clear for potential rishta before they come. That way you are clear as well as they are clear. And I am saying this for you and your potential rishta as well. Lets be fair here Ashy.
@ Ashy2010 -I don't like the whole rishta process as it is but I doubt all of the sisters coming over know you feel like this or are aware of how inappropriate it may seem
^Exactly i agree with Guac. Sure, system might not be fair but this is the way it is in terms potentials coming to see you. Instead of calling someone's sisters' insensitive. Try to understand and make it clear to potentials as what your expectations are.
^Ashy, sure good enough. You do know your situation much better as you are better judge in this respect. However, lets talk about the last paragraph for little bit. Arrange marriages ARE like this. Girl is definitely not a show- case but she becomes the excitement hope and very positive aspect of human emotions. If you feel un-comfortable with so many people coming to see you then, make it clear for potential rishta before they come. That way you are clear as well as they are clear. And I am saying this for you and your potential rishta as well. Lets be fair here Ashy.
I had been through many rishta visits and educated families are considerate enough to only bring 3 and maximum 4 persons when they visit for the first time. Bringing 6-8 people for the visit is strange. Anyways, things don't seem to proceed there for me.
I believe in thinking hard before the marriage decision but once the decision is taken, I believe in marrying once for life. If I think I am not strong enough to live in a particular situation after my marriage, I should rather not proceed with a proposal rather than marrying now thinking that I will be in a position to contol the guy and take him away from his sisters and family when they need him most. It will be selfish on my part then. So its better if I be frank now and not proceed with this as I am not a very pious girl to have tolerance to live in difficult situation which I see in this particular proposal. Hope they get the best bahu who has enough courage and tolerance to live in their situation and does not snatch their ONLY son and brother from them.
Respects to you Ashy. I am not saying anything about what you want in terms of rishta you're looking for. My sincere Dua is that..Insha'aallah you will find what you are looking for. What i am saying is, clear the expectations before something makes you feel uncomfortable before potentials coming to see you. That is all. Again, this is just a suggestion.
@ Ashy2010 -I don't like the whole rishta process as it is but I doubt all of the sisters coming over know you feel like this or are aware of how inappropriate it may seem
Respects to you Ashy. I am not saying anything about what you want in terms of rishta you're looking for. My sincere Dua is that..Insha'aallah you will find what you are looking for. What i am saying is, clear the expectations before something makes you feel uncomfortable before potentials coming to see you. That is all. Again, this is just a suggestion.
I know my expectations well. Thats why I am not proceeding with this. They were referred to my mom by someone and initial conversation was done over the phone for 4-5 times during which we know we might not be ok with this and thats why not proceeding. My mom tried to convince them to bring the guy too along with the sisters but they kept on insisting the sisters and not the guy. We thought it would be good to let the guy see me also in the first visit and would save both the families from another visit if any of us are not ok with it. My mother tried to convey her messages subtly without being rude but they don't seem to understand. So its better not to waste each others time.
I had been through many rishta visits and educated families are considerate enough to only bring 3 and maximum 4 persons when they visit for the first time. Bringing 6-8 people for the visit is strange. Anyways, things don't seem to proceed there for me.
Interesting. Since I was never in teh rishta game I don't know what's normal...but when one rishta did come to see us, it was the parents and the two sons. (now that I think about it..im not even sure which son the rishta was for :o )
Interesting. Since I was never in teh rishta game I don't know what's normal...but when one rishta did come to see us, it was the parents and the two sons. (now that I think about it..im not even sure which son the rishta was for :o )
I know when parents have 2 marriagable sons, they keep the options open.
I know my expectations well. Thats why I am not proceeding with this. They were referred to my mom by someone and initial conversation was done over the phone for 4-5 times during which we know we might not be ok with this and thats why not proceeding. My mom tried to convince them to bring the guy too along with the sisters but they kept on insisting the sisters and not the guy. We thought it would be good to let the guy see me also in the first visit and would save both the families from another visit if any of us are not ok with it. My mother tried to convey her messages subtly without being rude but they don't seem to understand. So its better not to waste each others time.
Im glad you discontinued it! I think these people know EXACTLY what their doing. If it were my parents, they would tell them on the phone, that that does not seem munasib, and that if this relation is to go any further, then the rest of the family is more then welcome to come, but at this point in time no more then three people, one of which has to be the groom should be at the house.
A man's job is to provide for his family, regardless of how many sisters he has, and it is completely unfair to you that they expect you to be supplementing his income to support your own family.