Strange Customs !

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1

Hey guys !

Ok this is probably just me letting off some steam and having a rant & rave, but there are some customs within our Pakistani Community here in England that really chees me off. I really don’t like to generalise but I have noticed these practices within many/most of the Pakistani families I know(including my own !).

by the way, please don’t be offended by what is to follow, it’s just my view on certain matters and not a judgement.

First off, Where I live we have some relatives, both close & distant who live within a reasonable distance from us/each other. The problem here is that no one will visit each other or even phone each other on a regular basis and yet as soon as someone falls ill, everyone flocks to their home like there’s no tomorrow !. Personally I think thats very hypocritical. If you don’t visit someone under normal circumstances and can’t even be bothered to phone them, then why go running to them when they’re sick !.

This may be a negative way of looking at it but I don’t think its fair on anyone, relative or friend to be visited only when they’re ill. Plus when I have confronted anyone about this issue, most of the time the reply I get is ‘well if we don’t go to see him/her what will he think about us or what will people say’.. So the reason why most of these people go to visit the sick is so that they don’t lose face/respect within the community/family !.. how pathetic is that ?.

The same goes for when someone dies. No one will visit this man/woman for anything upto 3-4 years and the moment he/she dies everyone will travel huge distances up and down the country to go and pay their ‘respects’ !. and once again its done more as a ‘show of face’ rather than actual grief/berievement.

Maybe I’m totally wrong about this but my philosophy in life is that if you’re going to do something, do it because you want to and with true feeling, not because it is expected of you or out of fear of ‘what people might say’ !.

anyone agree/disagree ??

Death is only the Beginning.

2

Tell me about it!!!!

Its really funny cuz when i was younger people would like come to our house from say Walsall or London, I had never seen them before in my life, and my parents wold say "Oh thats my mothers, brothers, wifes....and so it makes him/her your uncle or Auntie".

And like after an hour or so they`d get up and go and I wouldnt see them until another member of our family passed away like 5 or ten years later!!!

And another thing is the parents dont usually take the kids to their houses, but expect them to know their whle life history!!

It is ALL for show, end of story. I have relatives in this country whom I have never met, and probabaly never will.

3

Maria,

few !, Thank God I'm not the only one who feels strongly about this !.

The most annoying part of it, is that since I'm the only one in the family who owns and drives a car, when the time comes for the family to 'do the rounds',it's left upto me to drive everyone all over town !. Dammit there's nothing more mind numbingly boring than spending your weekend sat in someones house, who you don't even know, have nothing in common with and your sat for hours on end starring at the wallpaper and thinking of things to talk about !.

And its even worse when people you don't know (very distant relatives) spend the best part of the weekend in your house. and then you have to sit around entertaining them while in the back of your mind you're thinking of a million other more interesting things you rather be doing... like watching paint dry !.

this is one custom I'll be glad to see the back of !.

I just hope no-body dies this wekend ! (knowing my luck.. It'll probably be me !)

Death is only the Beginning.

4

You poor thing, actually you sound like my sister, cuz she is the eldest she has the responsibility of “doing the rounds” also,

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/hehe.gif

.

Anyway hopefully it will die out…

5

LOL !!!!!! Rotfl !!!!!!!! yeh well worst parts startin the conversation or entertainin ppl !!!

6

Sadiaa,

Tell me about it !, I mean, I can talk to anyone about anything, I'm a fairly outgoing and extrovert person, but when I'm stuck in a room with like 5 people I don't know and everytime I try to start a conversation they always reply with 'ahan'... 'yes'...'oh really !'.. ... hell even I really struggle.

It's really difficult with distant relatives and 'friends' especially when they're not willing to talk about their interests/hobbies. So what's left to talk about ?. I tell ya, I've spent upto 2 hours in a room talking to people about how economic their car is and how cold it gets in winter..blah ..blah..blah !.. and when you get out of this room.. your brain is so dead that you're unable to respond to even the simplest of questions.. like ..** 'Would you like something to eat?'**.. you just turn around and give them this like totally vacant experession and then they're wondering if perhaps you speak some kind of foreign tongue !.

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH !!!!!

well like someone once said ** 'You can choose your friends but you can't eat you're relatives' !**.. oh how true !

Death is only the Beginning.

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Arch Angel.. hahahah EXACTLY !!!!!!! :)

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If you're having a problem with not enough family get togethers, then call them up yourself and arrange for your mom to make nahaari and ask everyone to come over for dinner! Every Eid you should definately get together. Hang out with your cousins on the weekends...start out slowly so you dont get a culture shock ehheh you can tend to lose a couple of your non-family friends this way since you'll be so busy ;)
But as far as getting together for funerals or when someone is sick...its hadith to get together during these occasions. Its not only support for one another, but a wake up call for those who still have days to live.
Good Luck on your Family Bonding!!! :D

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LOL... :) yeh well... not a bad idea.. but stuff on my sides a lil better... but jst that i hate startin conversations n entertaining ppl when u dont have ne thing in common at all.. or esp. if u someone with lil kids come over n u gotta try to entertain their lil kids n stuff n also ahve to be careful that they dont mess up ur stuff...

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Sadiaa,

Yeh, talking about kids, The one thing that really gets up my nose is when people visit my house, bring their kids with them and then let their kids run riot all over the joint !. I tell ya, when people bring their kids into my house, I'm always on edge untill they leave !... always wondering what they'll break next !. Some little jerk screwed up my £450.00 Hifi. I have a tropical fish aquarium and you can guarantee that some kid will continue to slap the front of the tank and watch the fish swim around in blind panic !..and they thinks its funny !.

KIDS....LOVE 'EM..BUT I COULDN'T EAT A WHOLE ONE !

Death is only the Beginning.

[This message has been edited by Arch-Angel (edited November 02, 2000).]

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Yeh !!! I know.. really hate lil kids now.. esp. the ones who got no manners.. know wat.. i've seen parents.. who jst sit n watch their kids break stuff n screw up everything.. n i've also seen parents who appericiate their kids doin all this crap......really pissing off... n yeh well kids been breakin my stuff as well.. n all i can do now is be a lil more careful n stuff.. hahah yeh kids do that...tap on the aquarium glass etc.... LOL .. ne ways its really upsettin.. esp. for ppl like me.. coz i've got a serious temper prob. n i cant tolerate ne BS... but u know when its someone else's kids.. cant do much bout it...

12

oh yeh.. well i remember when i was lil n used to go to someone else's place.. never broke ne thing or even try to screw ne thing up !!! coz i got strict parents n good thing they taught me manners !!!!

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ehehhehehehehe.. i agree with most of the gals in here ;) esp. Mariah

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Ah Discipline, a lost art...We always behaved when we went to other people's houses because the slap we got back home wasn't quite worth it:)!

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i too dont like the idea of visiting famlies after 4-5 yrs or trying to entertain someone i havent met in along time or ever before! really its up 2 our generation to set things straight - thts wht i feel. i plan on getting married after grad and will hope hopefully settle down soon and establish famliy relations in such a way tht most members will know who we (my family) are. oops class.

singing hell to the scenes....

16

yeh...Discipline.. thas wat its all bout... eheh well i DONT remember misbehaving when i was a lil kid.. i still m a lil kid but i mean when i was like very lil.. not got slapped by my parents.. but the lectures that i used to get were killin... so yeh.. jst hate entertainin ppl n esp. fams. with screwed up kids n instead of tellin their kids to behave they encourage them...

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It may be a strange custom to you, but it is not a strange custom to them.

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ArchAngel,

I agree with you, when you said meeting people at certain occasion just because of "log kya kahenge agar hum nahi jaenge" is like strange to people like us, brought up in the west.

But you know, for most of the people, who've been raised in good old Pakistan, that's just the most normal thing in the world. I don't like going to people's houses after 4 or 5 years, because someone died, whom I don't even know.

But on the other hand, I respect people sticking to that old tradition, although most of the time it's just a SHOW, like Mariah wrote.

Umer, the Pakistani Brain of Austria

19

Talking about discipline and when we were kids, I distinctly remember my father telling me (whenever we use to visit someones house), he'd say 'Don't touch anything unless I tell you to, don't speak unless spoken to and if you break anything... aisy maar doon ga jo yaad rakho gay' .. which was an excellent insentive to behave myself !.

At the time I probably thought that my father was just being overly strict but now when other peoples kids come to my house and treat it like a zoo... I'm glad that he was that strict.

Surely it's not too much to ask of parents that when they take their kids to someones house, they don't leave it looking like a bomb just droped on it !.

Umer >>
**
But you know, for most of the people, who've been raised in good old Pakistan, that's just the most normal thing in the world...

But on the other hand, I respect people sticking to that old tradition...
**

Yaar, I'm all for sticking to traditions because it strengthens the family unit and also helps one to remember his/her roots. But I really get irritated when people do stuff which they themselves admit is complete BS.

Like this 'tradition' of visiting people (either ill or when a family member dies). If people are doing it out of fear of losing face/respect in the community then its nothing but a big deception, it's a lie !.

Its is also traditons like these which are tearing away at the very fabric of our communities. I have known of families which actually keep 'tabs' of how many weddings,funerals,births other people have attended !. and if someone for whatever reason can't make it to a particular event, both families end up breaking ties and becomming Naraaz with each other !.

IMHO.. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy !.

Death is only the Beginning.