SELFISH stupid cow of a ''friend'' WHAT the HELL is the point of a DOLKI!!!!

[redvelvet]

@MixedBeauty

I have such a stupid SELFISH cow of a friend, thats not even enough words to describe HER! she has her STUPID dolki on the same day as my boyfriends birthday. I told her STRAIGHT up im not coming because i would never miss his birthday for the world. The selfish ignorant cow that she is, Turns around and says ‘’ its nice to know you would rather go OUT than come to MY dolki, You can come to my dolki then go out with your boyfriend.‘’ ERMMM yes mum what ever you say! Is she for real?!?!?!

**MB, I know that your boyfriend’s birthday is special to you. I know there are exceptions to the generalization but from what I’ve observed…girls make a bigger deal out of birthdays than boys. Girls tend to get upset if their birthday isn’t remembered or if they didn’t receive a card or a gift. Whereas boys are rather calm about these things. Once again, I’m not trying to invalidate birthdays…but compared to OTHER celebrations such as (weddings, graduations, first baby)…birthdays are almost commonplace/ordinary occurrences. **

Then i asked her when her wedding dates are, Mehndi wedding and walima are a WEEK apart!! She lives 3 hrs away frm me, And i work. I only get about 5weeks holiday frm work. Why the hell am i gonna book like 3 weeks off to go to her UNPLANNED rushed last minute wedding?! Im fuming, I said i will come to your mehndi and wedding, I cant come to your walima i am sorry.

**Ok, that’s good enough. You’re coming to at least 2 of her wedding celebrations. **

Then she starts being all funny again. Ok i know shes stressed out and what not, But not really because she planned this wedding in a month, to a guy shes only been going out with for 5 months. So she expects ME to not see MY boyfriend on his birthday even tho ive been with him for 2 years. Shes just a jealous cow and its always me me me. anytime i do ANYTHING for my boyfriend she puts a downer on it.

Sometimes a marriage where the couple only know each other for 3 months can be a successful one…whereas one where the couple has dated for years or were even high school sweethearts…doesn’t last. One of my classmates (desi, Muslim) was dating her boyfriend for SEVEN YEARS…SEVEN YEARS…even got engaged to him…and found out that he was cheating on her all along. She’s now happily married to someone that she did not know/date as long as her former boyfriend. What I’m trying to say is that you can’t say that your 2-year relationship is more superior to her 5-month one. Your friend is making a bigger deal out of it because her 5-month relationship is turning into a marriage.

Ok im just so angry, I know im ranting, But my main question is, Should i even bother going to her wedding now? Shes got on my last nerve. shes just so bloody rude, ITS A DOLKI DARLING, YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO HAVE A DOLKI! i have never been to a dolki only my uncles, I have never been to a mehndi wedding and walima all 3 of them i would only go to 1 or 2. only 3 i’ve been to is only my uncles.

**You know it’s SUNNAH to attend your fellow Muslim brother/sister’s wedding invitation right? Islam doesn’t place much importance on birthdays than it does on wedding invitations. And I’ll be honest that my family and I celebrate birthdays…but from a religious stance…it’s the wedding invitation that carries more weight, MB.
**
I would understand if it was her wedding, But its a dolki. Its nothing.
right im done.

You may hate me for saying this, but my intention is not to offend you. To you, her dholki is nothing and it may seem like an unnecessary occasion. But to her…these celebrations come ONCE in a lifetime (if you don’t marry again). And she wants to share these ONCE **in a lifetime **customs/traditions/celebrations with the people she loves most (her family and friends). If you didn’t mean anything to your friend…she wouldn’t bug you about attending her dholki. Often times, these occasions are stressful for the bride-to-be. Sitting there under the spotlight while every aunti/woman is looking at you/judging you…can be nerve-racking. And during these times, it’s comforting to find the faces of encouraging friends in the audience.

You’ve been with your BF for two years. You’ve celebrated his birthday for 2 years. And inshaAllah he’ll have many more birthdays to come that you’ll be a part of. But a dholki comes** ONCE** (no matter how unnecessary you think it is). And this may sound selfish, but one think to keep in mind is that if we don’t bother to attend the mehendis and dholkis of others…they may be less inclined to attend OURS in the future cuz some people don’t forget about things like that.

So, Mixedbeauty, you have a few options here:

1) Understand that your friend is super stressed about the upcoming wedding. Ever seen the show, Bridezillas? Upcoming weddings are one hell of an emotional roller coaster for girls and I’ve seen some brides-to-be turn pretty witchy. Anyhow…you can choose to **NOT ATTEND **the dholki…but then don’t be rude to your friend either. ** Don’t go, but don’t be mean to her either. ** If you’re able to see the value of a commonplace celebration such as a birthday that comes every year…then try to see the value in a dholki.

**2) Compromise. Celebrate BF’s birthday in advance. Birthdays are actually more of a surprise when they’re not celebrated on the actual birthday itself. This is because everyone expects a celebration on the their birthday…but it comes as a surprise if it’s done…say…a day earlier. So alter the time of the b-day and attend the dholki. OR…attend the dholki for awhile…and then leave early to celebrate the birthday.
**
3) Send her a small gift from you to show that you still care about her. Maybe something creative that she can use on her dholki…that will remind her of you even when you’re not there. Just a thought.