Re: Rumsfeld offered to free Saddam
Re: Rumsfeld offered to free Saddam
^ That interview was BS. Stupid arabs.
Re: Rumsfeld offered to free Saddam
More Rumsfeld news:
ABC Says Rumsfeld Holding ‘Fallen Idol’ at Gitmo
Tuesday, 03 May 2005
ABC’s flagship newsmagazine “20/20” will join the network’s coverage of the growing “Fallen Idol” scandal Friday night. Sources say that ABC News found Mario Vazquez, the “Mystery Idol,” in the U.S. detainee camp at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Wednesday night, “Primetime Live” will present a one hour special exposing the global crime syndicate behind “American Idol,” and their connections to Saddam Hussein. “Good Morning America” will report on links to Fidel Castro and Tom DeLay later this week.
Vasquez is being held for questioning in connection with an alleged plot by the 19 crime syndicate to help Hussein escape U.S. custody. He is being held in Iraq awaiting trial on charges stemming from his maniacal stint as a ruthless dictator.
Reports circulated in the Middle East this weekend that Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld (“Grand Ole Opry Live”) visited Hussein (“Ba’ath Party Comedy Hour”) in prison two weeks ago. ABC reports that Saddam has decorated his small cell at an undisclosed location with “Idol” memorabilia from around the world. Saddam’s music collection even has a rare copy of Fantasia’s debut album.
“He really likes that Jon Peter Lewis,” said a guard. “Hussein says he was so zany.” Pre-trial discovery revealed that if the Iraq War went the other way, Hussein wanted Kimberly Caldwell charged with crimes against humanity. “Saddam never got over what she did to Julia DeMato,” said the guard.
During their meeting, Rumsfeld is said to have offered Hussein his freedom. In exchange, Hussein would go on television to ask for a cease fire by insurgent militias still engaging coalition forces. When Hussein held pat, Rumsfeld threw in allowing the deposed dictator to hold public office. Rumsfeld was shocked that his offer was rejected.
Sources at the Pentagon said that they had been gathering non-specific intelligence about a plot to break out Saddam. After the meeting with Rumsfeld, the analysts’ suspicions were confirmed.
Further investigation revealed that the prison break was being planned to coincide with a USO show scheduled to be in the area. One of the show’s headliners was Mario Vasquez.
The “Primetime Live” report will reveal that 19 crime syndicate captain Kelly Clarkson smuggled Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction out of Iraq. The evil music empire is storing them in Azerbaijan.
Vasquez dropped out of the “American Idol” finals in March, citing personal reasons. ABC News put Vasquez under 24 hour surviellance. They found that Mario was involved with 19 more deeply than ever. Vasquez was leading a team being trained by Simon Fuller’s original cadre of hot international criminals, the Spice Girls.
The mission had an unexpected delay when team member Scott “Scotty the Body” Savol lasted in the “Idol” competition much longer than expected. The FBI had information that implicated Savol in an unspecified overseas plot. The Bureau then launched a joint operation with Homeland Security to keep Savol in the country.
Neoconservative operatives infiltrated the web site “Vote for the Worst.” They mounted a campaign to get votes for Savol. “We were glad to help out a fellow Ohio boy,” said one neocon player. “We finished up a successful ‘Vote for the Worst’ campaign last November, and were ready for a new challenge. I think we got picked because we have a lot of experience with engineering the election process itself.”
ABC News did not find a direct link between the Savol plot and Constantine Maroulis’ elimination last week, or how Anthony Federov has survived this long.
Military investigators never let on that Vasquez was under suspicion. He was allowed to take part in a USO tour of stateside bases. The net was dropped on Vasquez when he went to perform at Guantanamo Bay with the apporoval of his 19 handlers. After the show, base officials offered to upgrade Mario’s quarters in appreciation of his performance. Marines then escorted the latest “Fallen Idol” to the detention facility.
The ABC report will tie Vasquez to Judge Paula Abdul. The 19 crime syndicate gave Vasquez their standard deal of $2 million, help with his music career, one night with Paula, and hundreds of annoying messages from “Queen Coyote” afterward.
http://www.spoofnews.com/content/view/229/1/
