Re: quick advice needed; child bullying,effects of domestic violence
so, my daughter started at this new school from monday. she is 6 years old and in grade one.
I am living at a city near lahore and this is considered to be one of the best schools here, it a co-ed institution, girls and boys together till class 3 then girls shift to a separate all girls campus while boys remain here till A level.
Today after work I was talking to my daughter, asking her how her day was and she mentioned that an older boy had hit her while they were playing during their break time. needless to say I became alarmed but didn’t show this to her, asked her and she told me he has slapped her on the arm and often comes over to tease her calling her names etc and runs away if he sees an elder, teacher etc coming, she just started here so she hasn’t made any friends however yet, she stays with her classmates.
After I while of questioning she sensed I was going to talk to her teacher about it and she got uneasy and scared and said, mama lets not do anything about it,if he hits me another time then you can talk to the teacher, she also expressed concern that the bully will tease her even more if he gets reported, to take revenge. Since she is new maybe, that’s why or because she got scared and doesn’t want me to go anything about it she tells me she doesn’t remember the face of the boy, though I have a strong feeling she isn’t telling me the truth because of her apprehensions.
Anyway, I reassured her and I am going to see her principal tomorrow
I need advice about two issues:
how to talk to her principal effectively so as to get the best possible actions? I was really angry this afternoon when I came to know about it, but told myself to calm down. no good antagonising or confronting the principal. i would welcome advice from all parents and teachers on GS but I would especially love to hear from parents living in pakistan. my experience is that here, parents need to assertive and persistent, the school staff mostly tries to brush off the matter.
i would appreciate quick replies on the above mentioned since I am going to see the principal in less than 12 hours so please quick answers
more of a long term advice, for those of you who don’t know I left my abusive husband with whom I had a daughter. like all abused women I was lonely and scared and reacted like most abused women do. I hid it from the world for years because of the shame.
During that time, mainly during the past 2 years whenever my husband verbally abused me or hit me and unfortunately most of times it was in front of my daughter,later on I used to tell her, don’t tell anyone that baba hit mama, don’t tell nano, don’t tell your teachers or your friends. I believe the reason she is scared to stand up is due to what she saw me doing
did I do the right thing?? any other advice you would like to add so I can teach her that its wrong to suffer in silence and not speak up and how to stand up to abuse…
Thanks a lot.
I’m not in Pakistan and I wasn’t brought up there but I definitely remember being bullied by a guy in elementary school and it was miserable. What my mom did was go and talk to the boy and was really really sweet about it, just like “why don’t you guys become friends?” it wasn’t anything threatening (I don’t remember the details since it was SO long ago). Whatever it was, it worked. He was nice to me after that. Obviously I don’t know this kid and his temperament but that’s an option. If his mom seems reasonable (I don’t know if you’d know that), maybe talk to her about it? If not, then being discreet and professional but talking to the teacher/principal would be good, as well. I’m not married and no kids, so I’m not the expert here on what the “right” thing to do is but maybe you don’t need to tell your daughter about you talking to her teacher? That way she doesn’t have to be concerned about the possible consequences.