Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman

[IsaidwhatIsaid]

Re: Predicting threshold of filing for divorce in a woman

@decentGuy

I do believe in striving to be the best version and fulfilling one’s various roles including of being a husband as best as they can but this is about predicting when best efforts will still not be good enough after the honeymoon phase is over. This may not be a big problem for a guy who has nothing to lose, but for someone who has lots to lose in case of divorce, sure can give cold feet.

I guess there are certain things that can be good predictors for both men and women but this thread is regarding predictors about women that can be used before marriage takes place when both families don’t know each other that well.

Let’s say there is a parking spot available but you’re not sure if it is reserved or not but you park there anyway. Now the whole time while you are away, you’ll be worrying whether you’ll be able to find your car or it would’ve been towed away by the time you return. Same could be the case in marriage, only far more stressful. Let’s say you had an argument in the morning and you went to work, now whole day will be spent worrying whether you’ll find your wife and kids at home after you return or they would be gone leaving behind a court notice. Just as there are predictors about parking spots about which we can be relatively comfortable about, I wonder if there is something to keep an eye on during rishta talk, where nobody wants to bring up the topic of divorce directly.

There’s so much talk about shared values. But it is so impossible to know what is in other person’s head about divorce. Divorce is a lot like drowning, people assume there will be lots of noise and splashing of water before a person drowns. But the reality is that many drownings are completely silent and others just feets away don’t hear anything if they are not looking.

What would you say about a situation where a guy relatively new in the country, with a good job who pays for everything himself is introduced to a girl who lives with her well-settled parents in their home where parents pay for most of her expenses. Is this a stark difference in lifestyle and can be considered a risk factor that she may seek divorce in the future if they got married? Consider other factors such that she knows many people in the city where she has always lived but for the guy there is nothing special about that city. If he gets a better job in another part of the country in future, he will like to move. In such scenarios having a prediction factor is really helpful whether she will compromise on such stuff or seek divorce.

Those could be considered stark lifestyle differences depending on many other factors. Of course, her personality will aid in this as well (she could be very patient) but her upbringing can influence her personality. Does she want to settle in the city? Is her support system extremely important to her and she cannot live w/o them? Or is she eager to start anew or is willing to leave them behind?

Also, “relatively new to the country” and the girl “lives with her well settled parents” stood out to me. Is she someone who was born and/or raised in the country? That could be a huge “lifestyle” difference. I am going to assume that this a western country he moved into from Pakistan (you can correct me). There will be a degree of cultural misunderstandings that could be pretty deep. I’m going to go off of personal experience and say that even the most conservatively brought up Pakistani(or really any recent immigrant group)-American(or whatever western country) will have some kind of culture clash with someone from their motherland.

Her being with her parents for a long time could be an indicator of her not wanting to live the struggle life, but at the same time if we are talking about conservative desis she might not really have had a choice to actually be independent. Basically, I’m gonna need more info.