i totally understand, i went through the same, everytime he cried i wanted to run away, but he had reflux which i did not understand, i just thought he hated me and that i was a bad mother.
i eventually told my family they really helped me out, constantly phoned me and just turned up to comfort me, i refused to take antidepressants, if i did i would have to stop breastfeeding…when i eventually got some sleep and understood my baby was in pain, it got better, but it did take some time.
i also stopped my cleaning regime, all timetables and routines were thrown out of the window, i realised that i was expecting too much from myself and that i could not manage the house like i did with a 3 year old and a newborn…