Re: Perception of identity changed when I visited Pakistan.
I gotta disagree with your last point there.
Islam means to submit to the will of GOD, as Muslims we believe the father of man, Adam was Muslim since he submitted to GODs will. We believe that all messengers have proclaimed the message of Islam, since they all taught people to submit to GOD, and all nations were sent messengers. Arabs were just the last people to get the message of Islam, and the final prophet came from among them. Thus for us Islam goes all the way back to the start, to Adam, that's what we believe as Muslims, and that's what I believe.
Also according to the Quran, GOD says he made people into different nations and tribes but the most honorable among men are those who have Taqwa (Ie GOD consciousness, piety, humbleness, a sense of shame etc..) thus the best people are those who do the best at submitting to GODS will ie Islam,. Thus your tribe, tribal culture/customs, language, skin color, those don't mean anything.
For me Islam is a strong identifier and comes before anything else. To me a Muslim is my brother/sister, doesn't matter if he/she is from Bosnia, Oman, Iran, Somalia, or Malaysia. I'm fortunate to attend a mosque which is very very diverse, we have Muslims from prob 15-20 different countries represented, the guys who were also born or raised in the states, I Identify with them pretty well, don't see any difference really, we're good friends.
For me I think it's great being a Muslim in North America (personally i've never experienced anything bad from people, in fact lot of people at work are always interested and curious to learn about Islam), because there are so many Muslims here from diverse backgrounds, you can learn so much, great exchange of ideas, very unique thing going on here.
All said and done, why you want to disown your relatives and cousins then?
Are you saying they are not muslims.................... or they are not" good enough muslims" that you would rather not visit them?
People visit relatives not because they may or may not be religious. They visit them to keep families together.
If you think you are probably better muslim than your relatives, then why not do something about them?
Why abandon them and not try to 'save' them?
I think you are trying to rationalize something which has no basis.