Of Burps and Farts
People always associate burps and farts with something disgusting, sometimes revolting and at other times hilarious. But then, burping and farting are two things that come most naturally to the whole of mankind. Well, for that matter to animals too. I bet you have heard a horse letting out a contented fart some time. Or a dog stretching lazily till a fart escaped his rear side. Or perhaps, some old relative who does not care much about manners…
Over the centuries, civilization has evolved to such an extent that natural occurrences like a fart have become taboo. It is considered bad manners to burp or fart in public. A person who farts in public becomes an object of ridicule. The whole concept seems to be engulfed in a negative attitude, and people pretend that they never fart.
If you are wondering why I seem to be advocating the concept of burps and farts, let me put your curiosity to rest. I just met someone who gave me his email id, which happens to be [email protected]. Funny, isn’t it? But that’s not all. A few days ago, I was at a restaurant, dining with a couple of friends, when we heard an old man belch loudly. “Sheeeeee…,” squeaked my friends. “How disgusting!” said another diner who sat at the table adjacent to ours. And that set me thinking earnestly about it.
I returned home and started doing some serious research on the subject. I looked up books, searched the Internet and spoke to some regular ‘farters’ (if you could call them that! Sorry, folks! No offense intended), and discovered a whole lot of things about human gas and the way it is expelled from our system. I was amazed at the scientific explanation about farts on many web sites, which dealt with the subject in great depth. I found explanations for why we burp when we eat a lot, and why we fart. Some sites even gave interesting statistics that opened my eyes to the fact that on an average, a normal person farts 14 times a day!
Burps and farts are completely natural phenomena and do not require any special qualifications. Just about anyone can indulge in these activities. Though burping is acceptable in some communities, most people feel ashamed to admit that they fart. And when they do, they try to sweep it under the carpet (not literally, of course, as these are intangible and you can only feel them by way of smell, and in some rare cases, through sound, when the person concerned is unable to hold it back effectively).
I know of many people who camouflage their farts very dexterously by letting them out in noisy surroundings. They enjoy every nanosecond of it, I’ll bet my life on it! And the contentment on their faces is unmistakable at such times. The smell would often be the only evidence that someone had farted. But you will have no way of finding the culprit, as everyone who farts would have the ‘oh-so-innocent’ look on his or her face.
I vividly recall a couple of incidents that amused me a great deal. Our whole family was once gathered at a marriage hall just before my cousin’s wedding. The ceremony was to begin in the wee hours of the next morning, but everyone was too excited to sleep. However, by 1 a.m., most of the elders had fallen asleep, and we children decided to have some fun. We assembled in the dining hall and sat down in a circle, all set to play Winker, a zestful game in which one person who is the ‘winker,’ winks at the others one by one, trying not to be found out.
Just as we were about to begin the game, someone farted loudly. All of us exchanged glances, giggling excitedly. The person who did it wouldn’t own up for sure. Then I came up with an idea. I said, “Guys, when someone farts, his nose becomes hot. So, let’s see who has a hot nose and we’ll know who the culprit is!” Almost at once, one of my cousins involuntarily touched her nose, and before she knew it, she was the laughing stock!
On another occasion, my uncle let out a rather musical fart. Well, when he knew it was coming, he apparently tried controlling it, and it turned out to be disastrous. With all the womenfolk giggling away to glory, he was so embarrassed that he blurted out, “I didn’t do it!” And that set everyone rolling with laughter.
I have quite a few relatives who suffer from gas trouble. Their houses are perpetual sources of entertainment for my cousins and me, as we are sure to hear at least a couple of varieties of farts each time we visit them.
The whole idea of a fart has an element of humor attached to it. Humor is fine, as long as it remains within reasonable boundaries. When it stretches beyond simple fun to the extent of hurting someone’s sentiments, it does not remain pleasant any more. So fellas, have a great time farting and listening to farts; laugh your guts out when you hear a novel one, but try not to go overboard!
Happy farting!
that i swhat i came to do here
this proves we are faraands
…sniff sniff 
..u surely dinn feel like u farted..but no one is around..