Re: parents n encouragement for good behaviour
I'm going through an experience with my 3 year old daughter that has made me think about bribes and rewards as motivation for good behavior. Basically I came to the conclusion on my own that it doesn't work for us. I don't necessarily punish bad behavior either but there are consequences. I find that if a kid is crying for x reason and you say, "Ok, just stop crying and yelling. if you stop we'll buy you stickers." Then ofcourse the child will stop but quickly catch on to believe that, "Hey I can misbehave, get away with it and get stuff anyways. So I'll just keep misbehaving."
A couple days ago my daughter was in the middle of a tantrum. Most 3 years olds can blow up for no apparent reason and they quickly get over it and can apologize. With Safia it's just a matter of being patient, being firm and consistant in what I tell her. She needs time to cool down then suddenly she turns around to do the right thing. But when she's in that "Tasmanian Devil" period of a tantrum no reasoning or yelling or bribing will really work. Well during that episode my mother-in-law quickly starting promising Safia some treats. I had to step in and mention that, "No sorry she's not getting any M&Ms. I'm not rewarding this behavior." My mother-in-law starting saying that Safia acts this way because I am too soft with her. I said, "What am I supposed to do..hit her or something?" She said that her kids never acted like that because she never let them do that (I don't believe.) I think all kids go through this stage and it's just a matter of being firm and consistant with rules. Then communication is also important. Explain to the child clearly what exactly was wrong in their behavior, but also what is good. A child needs to hear praise much more than criticism. I believe being a friend and giving affection is a much more useful motivator for good behavior than punishment.