lets say that one of your 23 yrs old female cousin is aksing you to support her decsion of living with her boyfriend. It does not affect your life in anyways but supporting her is against all the values that you stand for. Not only that but its a bad example for the kids of the rest of the family.
is it something like that?
No, it's not quite so bad. Again, don't want to get into the specifics of the issue (sorry for being so cryptic).
Let's use the example of a cousin drinking. I know it's haraam and they know it's haraam, but they continue to make it part of their lifestyle. If I continue to socialize with them and let's say they order a drink while we're out at dinner with the kids, am I sanctioning their choices and lifestyle and providing a bad example for the kids?
P.S. They already know I don't agree with their choices - I've been vocal about that. But it's the continued socializing and what that means in terms of supporting them and setting an example for the rest of the family.
The best I would do in such situation is not to socialize with them without other elders of the family being there so the burden of supporting or not supporting their choices is not on me.
^^Ah..... in the example you've quoted, set some ground rules with them. I honestly wouldn't be comfortable in such a situation.
tell them.... if we're out for dinner with kids, you're not ordering drinks ...... period.
Shery, I think it's not quite as black and white as that. There are varying degrees of offenses. For instance, I have many friends who drink and smoke weed, I don't care, as long as they don't get behind the wheel and endanger others it doesn't bother me. I personally am against those things but whatever, live and let live, there is no compulsion in religion and I can't expect everyone to see eye to eye with me.
But then about 5 years ago, I completely cut off all ties with a very good friend because he was cheating on his wife. Not a victim less crime in my opinion. His wife was also a friend of mine. I told him that his option was to either tell her himself or I would. I also told him that I never want to hear from him again seeing as someone who is willing to compromise one of the most sacred bonds cannot be trusted as a friend for anything.
No, it's not quite so bad. Again, don't want to get into the specifics of the issue (sorry for being so cryptic).
Let's use the example of a cousin drinking. I know it's haraam and they know it's haraam, but they continue to make it part of their lifestyle. If I continue to socialize with them and let's say they order a drink while we're out at dinner with the kids, am I sanctioning their choices and lifestyle and providing a bad example for the kids?
P.S. They already know I don't agree with their choices - I've been vocal about that. ** But it's the continued socializing and what that means in terms of supporting them and setting an example for the rest of the family.**
So its not so bad.
You already let them know your decision and where you stand.
Maybe a little time away and being distant for certain time. They will come to understand where you stand.
Tricky situation. It depends on what value is being compromised. If it's an ethical value, I will not support my loved one, no matter how deep or close the relationship is. If it is a religious value that is at stake, I will most likely go with the flow (but not proactively support the choice) because at the end of the day, religion is a personal matter and there is no objective way to classify right or wrong.
Aahmed's scenario about his friend is a good example. Cheating is unethical and that's the bottom line. I would definitely cut off any contact with such a person.
Another situation. Let's say my brother had a girlfriend in his past. Now he is seriously interested in marrying someone he has fallen in love with but has lied to her about his past out of fear of rejection. I will not support him until he tells her the truth, regardless of how pure his feelings for her are. Even if it means that the relationship between us will be compromised.
Another situation: My brother wants to marry a non-Muslim. He isn't very religious himself. I will do my part in making him understand the gravity of his choice. Beyond that, if he persists, then so be it. I will not cut off with him. Religion is subjective. Yes, there will be consequences like setting a 'bad' example for my children. But realistically, I would make the same choice if my child was in a similar situation. Bottom line is, they will not have my active support but I won't disown them or completely cut off either.