nobody cares about Canada

danial · August 26, 2005, 10:56am

Re: nobody cares about Canada

Todd:

Best or Worst things about Canada - From Uncle Sam Sarcasm

Comedians-With such greats as Dan Aykroyd, Mike Meyers, Tom Green and Jim Carrey, it’s a wonder Canadians aren’t funnier “haha” than they are funnier “haha, what losers.”

“Kids in the Hall”-Better and weirder sketch comedy than Saturday Night Live. “It’s a fact.”

Canadian Bacon -Sure, it’s really ham, but it’s just as good. I mean, raise your hand if you DON’T like ham!! Vegetarians, you don’t count.

Jones Soda-Not many people know this, but it’s better than Coke or Pepsi, and it is much niftier. With features like customer-contributed labels, glass bottles and bright, attractive colors and flavors like Blue Bubble Gum, FuFu Berry and Pineapple Upside Down, everyone should drink more Jones. Kick the Coke habit, people.

Coins-Canadian coins are neat because even though they aren’t worth a thing in America, cashiers will accept them. Kind of like free money.

The word “eh”-The only word known to man with the ability to change any sentence into a question, with just 2 letters. Go on, work on your pronunciation.

Mounties-Dudley Do-Right, from the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show cartoon, was a member of the Royal Canadian Mountie Police. He had a neat little red uniform, a horse named “Horse” and a bunch of medals. He ROCKED!

Niagra Falls- Its water flows from Canada into America. We get the scenery and the tourist dollars. Thanks, guys.

“You Can’t Do that On Television”- All of you Nickelodeon fans should remember this show. The terrible lunch food, the bright green slime, the weird theme song…ah, good old days.

Terrence and Philip- The best cartoon within a cartoon since Itchy and Scratchy. And that’s a tough act to follow.

----- …and now, the top 10 worst things from Canada

Celine Dion-She is the crappiest singer in the world. 'N Sync bugs me. The Backstreet Boys bug me. But they’re groups. I can’t believe one person can bring so much pain to so many people.

Bottled water-Is Canadian spring water somehow better than ours? I’d rather drink from the tap than pay money for foreign H20. I’m not even going to start with those carbonated “Canada Dry” products, which are clearly inferior to our own American brands.

“O Canada”, the National Anthem- Not only did they rip off our anthem by starting it with the same word, but that tune could be definitely be improved.

Canadian Style - Red and black flannel? Ear flap hats? Logger boots? No wonder Quebec wants independence.

“Abote”-The word “about” is so incredibly mispronounced by an entire RACE of people. It’s uncool and oughta be stopped.

Named Wrongly-The country should be called Canadia. They’re Canadians, not Canadans. Asians are from Asia, Americans from America, Russians used to be from Russia, but I don’t know if there IS a Russia anymore.

Sports teams-Canadian national teams are the joke of all the Olympics. Even Afghanistan makes a better showing in every event, excluding hockey.

Provinces- Why can’t they just have states like everyone else? Where did the word “Saskatchewan” come from anyway?

Alanis Morrisette-When her first record came out, I thought it was decent. She complained just enough to be OK, but not too much, so it wasn’t annoying. Her vocals could have used some work. Then she went to India and decided to thank a whole bunch of people. She oughta be placed on a hit list. She’d have a higher ranking in this top 10, but she was on “You Can’t Do That On Television.”

Mixing the British and the French- “Say, let’s take the two nationalities which have historically hated each other the most and put them together in one country.” Bad idea, folks.

not funny