Asalaamu Alikum Wa Rahmatullahee Wa Barakatahu my dear sister,
Sister if you follow the islamic etiquettes for selecting a spouse and marriage, insh'Allah you won't have a problem like the one you mentioned above. 'When a woman marries a man possessing deen and good character, she will not lose out in any respect: if he keeps her, he will do so in a good manner; and if he releases her, he will do so in a good manner.'
Sister i'm pretty sure you know what i'm refering to about what is lawful that you are trying to make unlawful for your future husband. I'm not here to debate with you, just some naseeyah from a sister.
You should talk to him before marriage about working, find out his views, and agree on something. Personally i really wouldn't add that to my wedding contract, cause you don't know if your views change or his, depending on circumstances.
I have read a Hadiths where a woman came to AnHazoor (saw) asking for divorce because she claimed she doesn't love her husband anymore ... and he accepted that as a valid reason. I spent more than an hour last night going through the books searching for that but couldn't find it. I will email a few folks and see if I can get that reference.**
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Yeah i've also read it, are you refering to the one where the man had a scar or something on his face, and the woman said that she couldn't stand looking at him, and didn't love him anymore and wanted a divorce?
I know it's in my book somewhere, but can't find it, i'll keep looking insh'Allah.
Hmmmm...there are also a few other hadiths kinda like that, but i can' find them (why can't i ever find something when i need it??)
What about Zaynab bint Jahsh, her and Zayd ibn Harith they couldn't overcome their incompatibility and didn't love each other so they got a divorce, but i think Zayd asked the Prophet(saws) permission to divorce Zaynab. Allahu Alim.
Couldnt find anything more specific to the question you raised. sorry.
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Narrated Thawban:
The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: If any woman asks her husband for divorce without some strong reason, the odour of Paradise will be forbidden to her.
Yahya related to me from Malik that he had heard that Said ibn al-Musayyab was asked about a woman who made a stipulation on her husband not to take her away from her town. Said ibn al-Musayyab said, “He takes her away if he wishes.”
Malik said, “The custom among us is that when a man marries a woman, and he makes a condition in the marriage contract that he will not marry after her or take a concubine, it means nothing unless there is an oath of divorce or setting-free attached to it. Then it is obliged and required of him.”
‘Rabbee zidnee`ilmaa’
My Lord! Increase me in knowledge.[20:114]
The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) said:
“Whoever sets out on a path to seek knowledge, Allaah will make easy his path to Paradise.”
[Saheeh Muslim]
Malik said, "The custom among us is that when a man marries a woman, and he makes a condition in the marriage contract that he will not marry after her or take a concubine, it means nothing unless there is an oath of divorce or setting-free attached to it. Then it is obliged and required of him."
So, unless you mandate in the nikkah nama that a divorce will be given on the grounds that the husband takes in a 2nd wife after vowing not to...you have to live with the 2nd wife deal even though you know well that he's marrying due to lust and not for any reasons prescribed in the hadith...?
Well, if that's true, it sounds good to me...that's what I had deduced from reading the form of the nikkah nama that Pakistan uses.
Aap ki Amanat, when you say that I can't make something unlawful that is lawful in Islam...if you're talking about polygamy...I have already discussed the REALITY of the polygamy law in the polygamy thread a while ago.
If a husband takes on a 2nd wife for lustful reasons, it is absolutely NOT LAWFUL...God will deal with him, regardles of what anybody thinks.
Where does it say a man cannot marry for lust.
The conditons put for it are that he must deal justly between them ie.in terms of time, finance, housing etc.
Personally I only plan on having one wife, but a man has been given the right to have upto 4 wives.
** PCG ** - From what I know, It is permissible to include terms in the nikaah naamah that would prohibit him from taking a second wife. But, as Sister Aapkiamaanat said, Why would you want to do that since you never know what might happen in the future?
Secondly, you talk about “blind trust”. But being paranoid isn’t good either. If a person is ** AS ** lustful as you think, then he’d probably be visiting prostitutes instead of taking a second wife.
Thirdly, if a person goes for a second wife at the risk of infuriating his first wife, don’t you think something must have been wrong with the first wife that made him do that? Not everyone is a sex-obsessed freak. People do care and love their wives and would not want to hurt them.
Sister Aapkiamaanat has given some really wonderful advice:
Where does it say a man cannot marry for lust.
The conditons put for it are that he must deal justly between them ie.in terms of time, finance, housing etc.
Personally I only plan on having one wife, but a man has been given the right to have upto 4 wives. **
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"004.024
YUSUFALI: Also (prohibited are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess: Thus hath Allah ordained (Prohibitions) against you: Except for these, all others are lawful, provided ye seek (them in marriage) with gifts from your property,- **desiring chastity, not lust, seeing that ye derive benefit from them, give them their dowers (at least) as prescribed; but if, after a dower is prescribed, agree Mutually (to vary it), there is no blame on you, and Allah is All-knowing, All-wise."
Aap ki amanat said that why would I want to prohibit my husband from a 2nd marriage when I dont know what will happen in the future...
Can someone explain what could possibly happen in the future that would make me regret my husband taking a 2nd wife.
--- Here's what's upsetting me right now. I know very well how to select a husband. Of course, you must look for good deen and character...but the more men I meet, the more I realize that the way they are on the outside, is not necessarily the way they are in reality. Of course, most men may not even fall into this hypocrisy category. But a woman must protect herself. I have 1 sister. Where will I go if my husband deserts me and my career that I wish to have fails? I try to think of the WORST case scenario, and what is the harm in me taking steps to ensure that I wont be wronged, and that too by a man?
Do you mean that suddenly a world war scenario happens and polygamy becomes necessary to keep widows off the street, etc and then my clause in the nikkah nama would be wrong?
Ok I understand the verse, but there could be a difference in translation and understanding of it:
[quote]
Mohammed Marmaduke Pickthall
004.024. And all married women (are forbidden unto you) save those (captives) whom your right hands possess. It is a decree of Allah for you. Lawful unto you are all beyond those mentioned, so that ye seek them with your wealth in honest wedlock, not debauchery. And those of whom ye seek content (by marrying them), give unto them their portions as a duty. And there is no sin for you in what ye do by mutual agreement after the duty (hath been done). Lo! Allah is ever Knower, Wise.
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Ask a scholar whether a man can marry more than one wife to fulfill his sexual desires and to remain chaste they would say it is allowed. If lust means using her as a sex object or play thing then it would not be allowed.
Again Justice between the wives is the only main requirement, can anyone provide proof otherwise.
[quote]
004.003. And if ye fear that ye will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or (the captives) that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely that ye will not do injustice.
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But anyway how would a woman know whether it is for lust or not?
debauchery
\De*bauch"er*y\, n.;
2. Excessive indulgence of the appetites; especially, excessive indulgence of lust; intemperance; sensuality; habitual lewdness
[quote]
Ask a scholar whether a man can marry more than one wife to fulfill his sexual desires and to remain chaste they would say it is allowed. If lust means using her as a sex object or play thing then it would not be allowed.
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May Allah protect us all from such scholars! :)
[This message has been edited by ahmadjee (edited June 20, 2002).]
hmmm..since we are posting the ayah, lets use the Noble Quran :)
Also (forbidden are) women already married, except those (captives and slaves) whom your right hands possess. Thus has Allâh ordained for you. All others are lawful, provided you seek (them in marriage) with Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) from your property, desiring chastity, not committing illegal sexual intercourse, so with those of whom you have enjoyed sexual relations, give them their Mahr as prescribed; but if after a Mahr is prescribed, you agree mutually (to give more), there is no sin on you. Surely, Allâh is Ever AllKnowing, AllWise. (An-Nisa 4:24)
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Originally posted by appkiamaanat: Sister i believe you are refering to the wedding contract, it can be verbal or written down. Anything the parties agree to before the nikkah is also part of the contract. Dear sister you can't make something unlawful, which Allah(swt) has already made lawful. Sister you should really think about what you'd like to put in your wedding contract, **you don't know what will happen in the future, and he might HAVE to move to pakistan, that would break the contract, meaning you aren't married anymore. Just be careful :) About working, why don't you just discuss it with him before nikah, find out his views, insh'Allah.
May Allah(swt) guide us all. Ameen.
**
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My dear sister is that what you are refering to?? As you can tell i wasn't talking about a co-wife :)
[quote]
Originally posted by PyariCgudia:
**Aap ki Amanat, when you say that I can't make something unlawful that is lawful in Islam...if you're talking about polygamy...I have already discussed the REALITY of the polygamy law in the polygamy thread a while ago.
If a husband takes on a 2nd wife for lustful reasons, it is absolutely NOT LAWFUL...God will deal with him, regardles of what anybody thinks.**
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Sister i told you in the beginning i'm not here to debate with you.
None disputes in the Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) of Allâh but those who disbelieve. So let not their ability of going about here and there through the land (for their purposes) deceive you [O Muhammad SAW, their ultimate end will be the Fire of Hell]! (Ghafir 40:4)
I've done my duty, now all i can do is pray for my brothers and sisters, insh'Allah.
Al-Aajurree reports in ash-Sharee'ah (p.57) that a man came to al-Hasan (al-Basree) and said, "O Abu Sa'eed! Let me debate with you about the Religion." Al-Hasan replied, "As for me, I know my religion, If you have lost your Religion then go and look for it."
As I genuinely do not know what you mean when you say I'm trying to make something unlawful that is lawful...and since you're not willing to just clearly and simply answer my question...that is fine.
mahiwal if that is her point, then fine. But there are conditions to polygamy. And most polygamous marriages today in Pakistan dont observe those conditions.
They observe one condition: lust.
Lets face reality. I dont want to be a sukhun to any woman and I dont want any sukhun in my house. I dont tolerate men who can't control themselves. I dont believe Islam does either.