and you ppl think you are better parents than your own parents or CAN BE BETTER parents than your own parents? well then mind to share what exactly do YOU LACK bcos of your OWN PARENTS and how will YOU do that something RIGHT they did WRONG? its easy to criticize when others do it. when you do it, its always [or mostly] right.
I am a parent and as a parent I can now say that hats off to mom and dad for raising us because it is one of the hardest things to do. I realize that even more now as I am struggling with my girls. The thing is that when you go through your own experiences you do look for lessons from others experiences being it your friends or family or even your own parents. When our kids grow up and have their kids, they will look back for lessons as well. That does not mean that one group was better than the other.
-Fighting in front of the children
-comparing kids- "tumhari behn nay toh hummay kabhi nai itna tanng kiya" or "flaan khala kay toh bachay bohot farmabardaar (sp?) hain"
-bringing up past mistakes or bad things that the kids have done... long after they've said sorry and been forgiven for it...
-discussing financial problems or making kids feel like the parents are having a hard time supporting them
- never ever use insulting or foul language in front of the kids or to the kids... worst offense ever!
-lecturing- half the times kids space out over the droning neverending monotonous speeches-- i think discussion is better than screaming lectures in so many ways..
-Guilt trips- teh kids grow up feeling like theyre horrible people and that they're the root of all the problems that ever occur within the home. Those same feelings of guilt destroy their characters and self esteem and tehy suffer immensely when that dark cloud follows them in their day to day life otherwise.
-Lying- dont lie to your kids about anything.. they're bound to find out the truth one day and will really lose respect for you when they realize that you're a liar.
-Making promises and not following through on them.
-Spoiling kids.
-Giving kids too much freedom.
ya i got somewhat confused too. i guess the difference is that here we can talk about hypothetical mistakes and the other thread is discussing personal learning experiences as a parent, this is easier because its not easy owning up to our blunders :)
you are right, my thread is about personal experience as a parent ... things u did wrong and realised later on ...
Comparing your children to each other. There's no better way for them to lose the special bond between siblings, than if you set up resentment and animosity by making one or the other feel inadequate in comparison.
Expecting each to follow the same path. Each human being has a different way to achieve happiness, contentment, peace and success. Please do not impose what worked for you on each child, and don't create anxiety and panic because each child does not follow the same generic path to fulfillment.
Homeschooling and "grading"/assessing your child. That kind of critical judgement is best left out of your hands, and for someone more objective. Never take a red pen to your child's work. No matter how brilliant and gifted you are, and how great you think your relationship with your child is, support your kid, but let the professionals handle the assessment. I'm saying this having seen years of traumatized children who are affected by well-meaning, talented parents taking over the grading and editing of their children's work.
Being Inconsistent/Not saying what you mean. This may mean that if you are telling them a consequence for something, you need to follow-through on it. Let them know that their actions have specific consequences and that you will impose them because you mean what you say. That means you have to be fair and realistic before making a threat -- make sure it's something you believe in so that when it comes time, you are willing to follow through! This also means that each child has similar consequences (keeping age and past mistakes in mind). Don't have doublestandards.
:swh: