Re: Interracial marriage - would/did you do it?
I see that people are assuming that your family is muslim. I didn’t think Pakistanis or Islam had a caste system. I think most secular people don’t care whether they marry within the faith or not, regardless of whatever faith they label themselves in.
I too grew up without much desi exposure. We would drive for hours to go to Eid prayers and see the other desis in the state but other than that, we grew up without desi friends or acquaintances. And I for most of my life assumed, I would not be marrying a desi. My sis married an American guy, which broke my parents heart but they’ve gotten over it. My brother-in-law is a great guy, more Muslim than those who call themselves Muslims. No, he did not convert. He’s mostly a secular Christian but has always wanted to raise his kids Muslim. It is very difficult to raise children if you and your spouse have different prespectives on the fundamentals. My sis and other friends who have married outside of our Faith struggle with it and I know as their children get older it will be a greater struggle.
How do you teach your child that daddy drinks beer but its not ok for us? Yes, we celebrate x-mas because Daddy, Grandma, and Grandpa do but Christmas is not the celebration of Isa’s (A.S) birthday. How do you counter the view that “Islam is boring and no fun” and “Secular Christianity is fun”? How do you teach your child that it’s not ok for him or her to have a girlfriend or boyfriend when his/her father and grandparents encourage that? How do you teach your “jigar ka tukra” that drinking, binge drinking, sexual experimentation, experimenting with drugs at parties, etc is not right when 1/2 of his heritage says that it’s just part of growing up. It’s hard to instill Islamic values in your children when 1/2 of their heritage celebrates some of these behaviors. It’s a tough road.
The path of least resistance is easiest and Islam is not that. It asks you to continue with your inner struggle and not become just a blind follower (part of the pack). It requires you to continually take a different path when you are surrounded by people who do not follow the same set of values.
I think it’s great that people don’t define others by the color of their skins but you must also take into account if you have shared values and when your values diverge, how you will deal with issues that arise.