I want you watching me. I want you to see me after twenty years and climb the stairs to my room. I left a silver and white dupatta and it covers the stairs. I left red high heels at the top and you step over them. Payal in the hallway, the windchimes far away. It's late afternoon and my cieling arches its back like an eleventh century Gothic cathedral. I want you in the doorway, your hand against the door jamb, one leg cocked with attitude. I want to see that sneer on your face. I don't want you to say my name.
ii could not stop staring, even if i had wanted to, you were so beautifull, the most pretty guy on earth.
you took my attraction as compassion and told me your story. i wish i could have erased all your sorrow and relieved all your worries.
Now i wonder where you are, if you're still alive or if the odds took your life away.
if i had chosen my life away, i could not have been near you anyway.
Such an ignorance is a bliss, don't envy me, i may appear lucky, but your innocence is a bliss
Smile at them because my blinding rage sees im no better. That this hypocricy and perversion is also mine. that a show of anger would be a lie, would be a practiced farce. my silence admits my identity to my already resigned soul, as they savage my propriety, outrage against the lowest decency i have, dignity traded for animal laughs.. they lay naked my own corruption in these brilliant yellow lights, and it conforms perfectly with theirs. they have become hideous, and so have i. They will live unmarked, so can I. my slate is clean, as clean as theirs.
We travel the world and stop at nothing. There is nothing more great. Nothing more. This is it. This speed in motion. This relative intensity. How obtusely collateral, "incorrigibly incompatible" We shall burn the sun to shame.