My cousin got married at 18 and despite having a rocky marriage, which isn't conducive to raising a family, tried to have kids in her 20s....but it just didn't happen. She had her children in her early 30s and is a devoted mother. Maybe the wisdom in the delay was that she became a mother during a time when she was more mature and her marriage was more stable. I often wonder why Allah does the things he does....but I believe that the creation of life is in His hands. You'll have kids when it's meant to be and that doesn't always happen according to our time table. And since some things are not in our control, I don't see the point in making comments that could be be perceived in a negative light and make another feel bad about not being at a certain stage in their life, even if the intention is not to offend.
Desis have to pass a comment about everything and wagging your nasty tongue at women who put off marriage and kids for reasons of their own doing or reasons out of their control are nothing more than mere attempts to get other women to conform to their values.
Misconception about birthing in your 30's is spread by these very wagging tongues. Meanwhile they don't recall the Gunnah associated with an idle tongue and gossip
Many women have families later on in life. Some never have families. Deal with it, it's a bright and beautiful reality, all willed by the very God you pray to.
I really don't think its a generalization to say that having kids at an old age is not a good thing. I'm sure you'll be so happy and all but you won't have the energy to cope!
I actually know a lot of older mothers and to be honest most of them are remarkable mums.. and they have a lot of energy!
Why is it that “getting married at a decent age and starting a family” is the main concern? Why does everyone have to be a good wife/ husband? Why is it that desis don’t understand that … perhaps one wants to find them self, and create a personality, and a life style/ living, or be financially stable, what ever the case may be. Maybe not everyone wants to be someone crutch or have to depend on someone else to social satisfaction.
I think being rushed into to marriage is the biggest reason to so many marriages failing today. “Back in the day”, everyone knew that everything they did, was preparing them for a future with someone else. In today’s generation, we’re taught, and expected to understand, that we are individuals.
But desis seem to be stuck in the same mind set that girls need to be married off before they get old and can’t have children.
Back to what someone else said, jo naseeb mai likha hai, VO HE milna hai.
I actually know a lot of older mothers and to be honest most of them are remarkable mums.. and they have a lot of energy!
This is true. My boss is 43 and his eldest kid is 7. He manages to be at work at 5am and is sometimes the last one out. He coaches his son's football (soccer) team and always takes the kids out on the weekend and still manages to do bucket loads of work from home. Come monday morning my email is always bombarded by work related stuff.
I swear that man's stamina for life is inspiring.
It's just desi's who like a good ole chinwag about whos getting married when. If they weren't so bored with their own lives they'd butt out of the lives of others. Maturity clearly does not come with age.
Edit: Sorry bit of a rant. Just really grinds my gears.
Why is it that "getting married at a decent age and starting a family" is the main concern? Why does everyone have to be a good wife/ husband? Why is it that desis don't understand that ... perhaps one wants to find them self, and create a personality, and a life style/ living, or be financially stable, what ever the case may be. Maybe not everyone wants to be someone crutch or have to depend on someone else to social satisfaction.
I think being rushed into to marriage is the biggest reason to so many marriages failing today. "Back in the day", everyone knew that everything they did, was preparing them for a future with someone else. In today's generation, we're taught, and expected to understand, that we are individuals.
But desis seem to be stuck in the same mind set that girls need to be married off before they get old and can't have children.
Back to what someone else said, jo naseeb mai likha hai, VO HE milna hai.
because in our desipan, we find religion overlapping culture... some people/parents get their kids married off early to avoid kids having to "sin" and what not... so they would rather get them married off early to avoid any such kind of shame... and yada yada yada...
everyone has their own reasons..
side note: theres no reason why u couldnt find yourself after marriage either.
This is true. My boss is 43 and his eldest kid is 7.** He manages to be at work at 5am and is sometimes the last one out.** He coaches his son's football (soccer) team and always takes the kids out on the weekend and still manages to do bucket loads of work from home. Come monday morning my email is always bombarded by work related stuff.
I swear that man's stamina for life is inspiring.
.
Are you kidding me? This is deplorable to say the least. I can bet he is having serious problems at home with his hectic work routine. Work-Life balance is very important and with the timings you have mentioned there is no way he is doing his family justice. Yeah he may coach his son, but have you asked his wife is he is giving her proper time and attention? Is he looking after the household chores? Does he even have a social life? Friends he hangs out with? I can bet the answer to most is no
Are you kidding me? This is deplorable to say the least. I can bet he is having serious problems at home with his hectic work routine. Work-Life balance is very important and with the timings you have mentioned there is no way he is doing his family justice. Yeah he may coach his son, but have you asked his wife is he is giving her proper time and attention? Is he looking after the household chores? Does he even have a social life? Friends he hangs out with? I can bet the answer to most is no
I wrote a longish reply explaining why you're assumptions about him are incorrect but I can't be bothered explaining and dont really have a need to prove this.
I will just say, his family has never suffered and his wife and him are one of the greatest couples I have ever met. He has an active social life too. He isnt ALWAYS the first person at the job, sometimes hes the last, and sometimes he is the first out. Its balance. My point was there are times when he has done these. But his work and family life are in the balance I hope I have when I have my family.
I wrote a longish reply explaining why you're assumptions about him are incorrect but I can't be bothered explaining and dont really have a need to prove this.
I will just say, his family has never suffered and his wife and him are one of the greatest couples I have ever met. He has an active social life too. He isnt ALWAYS the first person at the job, sometimes hes the last, and sometimes he is the first out. Its balance. My point was there are times when he has done these. But his work and family life are in the balance I hope I have when I have my family.
"Ali, family always comes first"
The thing is that this is not a anomaly. I know a number of people in my family and among my friends who live a full life in all aspects and with very busy schedules. the quality and quantity of time has to be balanced and each minute starts counting for more and more, in some cases things that would otherwise done personally but now would take time away from family or work or friends get outsourced, whether its cleaning, laundry, yardwork.. I know people who have moved very close to work for the sole reason that being 15 minutes away vs an hour+ away gives them the ability to spend less time at commute. Its a balancing act and reducing what you consider to be the least important so you have time for what is more important, and ..then going back to the point I started with, balancing quality with quantity.
Are you kidding me? This is deplorable to say the least. I can bet he is having serious problems at home with his hectic work routine. Work-Life balance is very important and with the timings you have mentioned there is no way he is doing his family justice. Yeah he may coach his son, but have you asked his wife is he is giving her proper time and attention? Is he looking after the household chores? Does he even have a social life? Friends he hangs out with? I can bet the answer to most is no
The life of that man sounds a lot like mine. I work long hours, and multi-task outside, and I guess I get a lot done in my day. Most desi woman would look at my schedule and ask how I have time for family, friends, and a social life, but I do, and that too with a lot of time to spare as you can see how much time I waste around here. :) You know, you see me in the chat room all the time - that's all time that I can easily divert to a husband and kids,and no doubt I'd probably have to cut back on some things , but I dont see myself needing to leave my job or drop a lot of my hobbies/activities to fit in time for a family.
Not everyone has the need to spend X number of hours devoted on family/friends/fun --> maybe you require weekends and evenings and maybe someone else is happy with less hrs in the week.
honestly im amazed by the stupidity of some members here! at one side they all come out tryin 2 look all “open minded” and what not and on the other side they have the most ridiculous and backward views. Yes, its better and safer if a women has her babies before a certain age but that doesn’t mean she can’t have babies or normal pregnancies after that certain age. And neither does it mean that she should jump and marry whoever comes her way just so that she doesnt miss that safe age for pregnancy :halo:. Give me a damn break!
And what about men in their 40’s not having enuff energy? Lol u guys must be kidding me… arent most succesful men in their 40’s and above? I bet if they have enough energy to run the world, they wud have enuff for their kids too.
again
I THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT MEN not women and their reproductive system.
Not all men who marry at age 40 are successful not all are in shape
and when I say most and I mean most don't have the energy to runaround or wake up at odd times of the night because their body is run down already due to their age :P
Not all men who marry at age 40 are successful not all are in shape
and when I say most and I mean most don't have the energy to runaround or wake up at odd times of the night because their body is run down already due to their age :P
well in that case not all 40 yrs old are single either ;) ............bt honestly u guys r making 40 to look ancient which it def is not. yes some people just give up on theirself bt they can do that at any age...just luk at some 30 yrs old and they wl luk like they r already havin a mid life crisis.
