^ aside from the above points, you can discuss with ur hubby how to spend or how to distribute your salaries.
For example, you can say, all ur salary is for spending and having fun (on both him and yourself) and his salary can take care of the rent/mortgage, money to the parents, gifts, bills etc..
talk to him... hey, make a spreadsheet... and write down all the incoming and outgoign expenses.. and talk some sense into him.
Get him on ur wavelenght... no actually. Get on a wavelength together. The one ur on right now is no good..
^ considering he earns a lot more, his salary should cater for a lot more as well :) but nothing really makes sense until you sit down and write down all the figures. And you really need to get down to the nitty gritty stuff... like bills, and even lunch money..
Each couple could put 50% of their monthly salary in their joint account to pay for bills, and the other 50% of their monthly salary could go into their separate accounts. That's one idea.
A lot of people do it in a way where the husband's income is what the family lives off of as its the more substantial one...and the wife's income goes into a saving's account. That money should technically be only your money but most couples usually keep that savings for a rainy day and use it when there is an absolute emergency.
I'm going to end up paying most of the expenses. I'll also have to spend money when we go out and buy gifts for loved ones. I have no problem with that. But if my wife wants my money to use it on some relative of hers that I don't even know or care about...then well she can just sleep on the couch.
My husband and I both have great incomes alhamdulillah, and they are roughly equal (hubby's maybe a little bit more because he is able to work overtime.) We have a joint account where his paycheck goes. And I have my own account from before marriage that I kept, and my paycheck goes into that. However, nothing is secret and we go over statements together, etc. Even though we have two different accounts our mentality is 100% that it is all 'our' money and that we plan for the future together.
Usually I pay most household bills out of my account. And we use the joint account to pay down hubby's med school loans. I contribute generously to a retirement account in my name and each month put some money into a mutual fund in my name because it gives me a sense of security.
My husband has no problem with me working and I think he really likes the idea that we are partners financially, and that if we're ever in a bad situation, either one of us would be able to provide for the whole family in an emergency. He has the heart of a provider, though, and always insists that when we are finished paying the student loans he wants to cover all household expenses from his paycheck and whatever money I make I will be free to manage as I wish. He knows that I also like to contribute and to plan for our future so he always has trust in my financial decisions.
I think there's not one single solution for every couple, but I think that three things are extremely important to everyone: a) A man should have the heart of a provider, even if he's not providing 100% of financial support; b) a woman should always have the capacity to be able to provide for herself and her family should she find herself in a bad situation. Even if she's a SAHM she should have the ability to get gainful work if she has to; and c) a couple should be open and honest about finances and plan together regardless of how many different accounts they decide to hold.
