How to deal with two faced ppl e.g ones that promise the world and deliver nothing?

[msis]

Re: How to deal with two faced ppl e.g ones that promise the world and deliver nothin

Thanks for your advice, it’s really helpful. You’re right I have been more proactive in making plans , which I thought was being helpful when in fact it’s not. i didn’t realise i was doing that.

unfortunately they are related so i have to put up with them as i have no choice

i do get why ppl don’t outright reject but then don’t understand why the keep suggesting the samething themselves. taking example i mentioned above if i have suggested we meet up and they say ok then they cancel making excuse. okay get that. say i try that a couple of times, no luck fine. But whats with them suggesting themselves that we should meet up and then cancelling like a vicious cycle. if it were me and i have cancelled because i don’t want to meet up with that person i would never myself suggest to them to meet with the intent of cancelling anyway.

The problem is the way I say things is very direct and blunt so i do not like confronting those ppl and i never have esp as they are related for fear of really saying something what could be taken as harsh or mean. So i try to be polite and ignore but it’s really bugging me what they keep doing. i can’t even seem to ignore this. i guess i’ll have to try as suggested and do the same in that don’t translate what i say into action.

@redvelvet

Do you see your own mistake here? It seems like you’re the one who’s more proactive in making plans. I know people (even girls) who at the end of a gathering or if you run into them some place will say “So..we should go for lunch or hang out sometime” and it never happens. Some people use it as a polite space-filler or a formality and are not too serious about it. No, I’m not trying to justify it.

There are people who say polite things…or what they think someone would want to hear…to get people to “like” them or to make a positive impression…but they don’t mean it seriously at least not enough to act on it. Their words are not backed up by actions and the latter speaks louder than the former. Another point to consider is that people in general don’t feel comfortable with outright rejecting others…so they may give hints (in the form of avoidance, ignoring, standing you up, etc) cuz they assume that it’s the “gentler” strategy. So, you do have to use your own judgement …and pay attention to these signs and their frequency…and take steps to prevent hurting yourself. You can’t control them…you CAN control your own actions and attitudes.

If you’ve noticed that this person has been wishy washy before…then don’t go out of your way to make plans with them the next time. When they say they miss you…don’t translate that into action. In fact…why even keep them in your life if they make you feel that miserable? The next time they ask a favor of you…act like you’ll deliver…and then come up with an excuse last minute. Give em a taste of their own medicine. OR…confront them directly and tell them you’re “over” the wishy-washiness and they shouldn’t say things they have no intention acting upon…let em know it’s a turn-off and end things. Or simply decide that they’re not worth your time and energy (not even to confront)…and move on.