help!mental health is it an illness

diwana · February 22, 2011, 4:55am

Re: help!mental health is it an illness

I dont know if this is the right place…
I am struggling to cope,we moved here a while back after a fatal car accident,my husband was driving and blames himself as we lost a child…although it was a hit n run drunk driver

Now the problem is at first everyone knows hubby works nights so ppl didint think much of not seeing him at gatherings etc,but 8yrs on I,m exhausted,and I need advise from my lovely good advise giving guppies…

The problem is he has slowly withdrawn from society and my in laws originally supported him thinking it was the grieving process(I kept saying to my bro in law tell him to go to work or long term it will be bad for all of us)

Now long term 8yrs down the line my hubby doesn’t go to work regularly he goes to close shop occassionally pays bills etc ,but we have managers to do that anyway(its a family business)alhumdolilah…

hubby has slowly lost interest in life,he sleeps alot eats a little bit hardly one meal a day blames me for him losing his hair not looking good and losing weight(I am not a good wife)and dont deserve to have what I have…
what I have is a home which is in complete as he doesnt want to do the work on it and wont allow me to get the builders back in,then on a good day he will say ok get what you want done,but if he wakes up he will be verbally abusive to the works as they are making noise etc..so I have minimum work done ,ppl think I dont have the designer touch as my house isnt decorated upto the pakistani norm..lol

My bro in law thought at first I was in the wrong although he has been the most supportive over the years,but the other day he was drinking tea with my kids in the lounge when my hubby had an outburst in the bedroom( he stays there mostly), the random things he was asking and saying (about ppl who have never been to our house he said they wr at our house or ppl who had died etc)made my bro in law realise I wasnt just complaining about my hubby being negative I was talikng about a disorder
my gp said he needs treatment when I said I am now finding it difficult to cope and I dont like to be reminded daily that I have lost a child ..I have not grieved her or the miscarriage that i was advised to have a child,for hubby it will bring him out of it…it hasnt i went thru pain for no reason…
bottom line gp said if you think you cant cope leave him…???

my children the other 3 have been through so much but they lost out on a loving father when they needed him the most the eldest is now married my son has joined the family business after completing his uni,but he needed dad when he was studying now he has got used to him not being there
the youngest is in year 9,and he wont take any responsibilty for her either
as long as I smile look after him ,tea food etc he is happy but as soon as i ask for time ,a date ameal together he goes back to the bedroom,is it me?doesnt he like me, after all these years he is still unhappy,sad ,depressed or just plain lazy…
he used to be the life n soul of the party a fast driver but safe and I trusted him with my life although other ppl wr a bit scared of how fast he drove,but they loved his jokes sense of humour and the fun time they had with him ,they miss him and express thr love but he just shrugs it off
Now should i just plod along or do as my pakistani GP advise and leave him,I,mworried about my health now,Im not a spring chicken anymore,and I dont know how much I can take,Oh and i was also told its probably my menopause…!!! turns out its all my fault…plz help

First, sorry for your great loss. ILWIAR.

You have a tough situation indeed.

Most likely he is suffering from depression. (Too little info to say if he is schizophrenic)

He does need evaliation by a good psychiatrist and close monitoring.

For 8 years if he has these symptoms then it is NOT bereavement.

What is more problematic here is that how come for 8 years he has not been treated formally?

Is there something missing?