Do you celebrate those? or how do you tell children that its not part of our religion but we can still celebrate them,is this right or wrong?
I don't have any kids but I do like the festive mode. At our school, we don't quite celebrate religious holidays or halloween as religious holidays or halloween. Instead we would celebrate fall during the halloween time and this is what I will do. Again with christmas, we don't really cebrate christmas but winter. I think that helps all the kids participate in the celebration and it has no religious significance for anyone.
At home, we exchange gifts with our neighbors. And we just say happy holidays.
Oh and Valentine is basically friendship day. We celebrate our friends.
I think so thats not right we respect their religion, we say happy holidays to them we are happy with them so they shouldn’t mind that.They respect our religion so much most of people know we don’t celebrate Christmas so they say happy holidays to us they are better than us ,atleast they know what to say.On the other hands we are dying to merge in their religion our great inferiority complexes
I don’t do maatam in muharram so I don’t know but atleast what I can do is that I don’t go and start preaching that they are doing wrong.(imaan kaa kamzor tareen darja)
^ you've lost me... what inferiority complex? what're you talking about? if more non-muslims in n. america knew about eid, you bet they'd be wishing us happy eid/eid mubarak and not just happy holidays. a lot of my non-muslim friends and colleagues make sure to wish me eid mubarak or happy eid when i speak to them about it and mention that its coming up, or if they hear about it on the news. we can't plead the same ignorance as christmas is a big deal in north america- wishing them happy christmas doesn't make us "dying to merge in their religion'. we/you should be more secure in our/your beliefs so that two little words don't seem so threatening.
^^ Exactly! Many of my collegues even try to not eat infront of me in Ramzan. One of my collegues used to live in morocco. Even though she is a christian but she used to fast in Ramzan and celebrate Eid with all her muslim friends and co-workers over there. Now by saying this I don't mean one has to go to the church or celebrate cristmas the christian way but wishing friends or coworkers marry christmas won't harm one's religious believes in any way.
Pretty much all of my non-Muslim friends wish me Happy Ramadan and Happy Eid (some even learn to say Eid Mubarak). It's a sign of respect. I am happy to show other religions and worshipers the same degree of respect.
And it has nothing to do with an inferiority complex. In fact it is because I am secure in my beliefs that I am willing to share.
OK I understand that as a muslim living in USA I need to establish the importance of Islamic events/festivals in my home so as to provide the right atmosphere to my family.
I also need to teach my children to respect other religions because you get what you give. I cannot even attract someone towards me if I don't first respect them. No matter how correct I am in my belief system, an "outsider" will not even be remotely attracted to my perfect religion unless I show tolerance and respect for theirs. Therefore, I have to find a proper way of teaching my children about Eid vs. Christmas. If I instill hatred or negatvity in my child's heart, it will show in her attitude. In turn, she will receive negative.
I don't make big deals about non muslim holidays but rather make big deals out of ours so the kids don't even question me why we don't do certain things. Frankly, they don't feel a need. My older one is almost 7 and has never asked me why we don't bring a Christmas tree. In fact, the other day, she was telling an American friend how "mom decorates our home with lights and balloons and goodys on Eid" and even offered to have me put henna on her hands. Kids need to be raised with inner strength and confidence of iman. There will never be a need for comparison.
As they grow older and wiser, they will become good judges of what life brings their way. Meanwhile I as their mother, and their father need to set the right example of a unified religion that repesents humanity and peace.
^ I think that's the way to do it. I especially like how you give the attention to making YOUR holiday special, and not focusing on telling everyone about how others' holidays are not as important.
Your approach is very similar to my parents' and I never felt any lack or inferiority, mashAllah.
Eid in our home is so big that of course, dad takes the day off, then we start off the previous week with setting up the clothes, matching jewelry, buying henna cones, making chand raat plans, arranging potlucks…and buying decorations, lights, candy, mithai…so much so that now halloween is almost here but we still have so much candy left .
I will allow them to particpate in “during-school” events and trust me that is enough for them to feel they belong to this society. They don’t need to go the extra mile. They’ve had enough during the day.
But the more you resist and isolate your kids, the more they fight with you. I know many parents who don’t send their kids to school the day they have a valentines party…the next day their kid receives 20 goody bags full of sweet notes and candy…now the mom is obligated to return those gifts as a social ettiquette…now hasn’t she invloved herself in Valentine’s after all?
For such parents I think Islamic schools are a good option otherwise it will be really hard telling your kid every single time.
Now for after school events, I don’t usually have my kids participate. They’ve had enough by then and that’s where my line is drawn.
You know, I SO want to make Eid a big deal for when I have kids iA......but i have no idea where to begin..my husband wont' usually take the day off from work, most of my cousins find it a very boring day, and my kids' (iA!) cousins..i dont know if they will even know the significance of it.
^ I've noticed that in the past few years. Hubby rarely takes the day off -- usually just the morning for namaz. My father and brothers always take off. As do I. I think you have to make an effort to make the day special and pass along that sense to the children. I've said to hubby this is important, especially now that we will be parents soon. InshAllah we'll be attentive in the future, but I can imagine there will be some adjustment.
^ you've lost me... what inferiority complex? what're you talking about? if more non-muslims in n. america knew about eid, you bet they'd be wishing us happy eid/eid mubarak and not just happy holidays. a lot of my non-muslim friends and colleagues make sure to wish me eid mubarak or happy eid when i speak to them about it and mention that its coming up, or if they hear about it on the news. we can't plead the same ignorance as christmas is a big deal in north america- wishing them happy christmas doesn't make us "dying to merge in their religion'. we/you should be more secure in our/your beliefs so that two little words don't seem so threatening.
SGC I am not saying I don't respect their religion of course many of them said Eid Mubarak to me too and am not isolating me and my children from them because I want to learn other cultures also.But if I am saying happy holidays to them and they don't mind it so why we fight on useless topic.And just to let you know may be you are living in a diverse city but where I live there are people who consider religion as their personal matter and don't say anything to me so I think where I live is best option if I say happy holidays.
PS> Its a whole different topic but some americans are buddhists and vegs too so out of no where I called my neighbor merry christmas and she said sure if you celebrate one. So I prefer it always to say happy holidays.
SGC I am not saying I don't respect their religion of course many of them said Eid Mubarak to me too and am not isolating me and my children from them because I want to learn other cultures also.But if I am saying happy holidays to them and they don't mind it so why we fight on useless topic.And just to let you know may be you are living in a diverse city but where I live there are people who consider religion as their personal matter and don't say anything to me so I think where I live is best option if I say happy holidays.
PS> Its a whole different topic but some americans are buddhists and vegs too so out of no where I called my neighbor merry christmas and she said sure if you celebrate one. So I prefer it always to say happy holidays.
Well saying Happy Holidays is defintely a safe option. In our neighborhood we have Hindus, Jews, Muslims in addition to Christians and some other unidentifiable religions as well who don't celebrate Christmas.
^ I've noticed that in the past few years. Hubby rarely takes the day off -- usually just the morning for namaz. My father and brothers always take off. As do I. I think you have to make an effort to make the day special and pass along that sense to the children. I've said to hubby this is important, especially now that we will be parents soon. InshAllah we'll be attentive in the future, but I can imagine there will be some adjustment.
this Eid was the first Eid where i told my husband that if it was on a weekday, we were both going to take the day off. fortunately, it was on a weekday so we didn't need to do that but definitely if bari Eid is on a weekday, we will iA.
now that we're considering having children, i'm realizing more and more that i will need to go the extra mile to make Eid as special and big in our lives as Christmas, just how you celebrate Niksik. one day off work is a small price to pay, and certainly on that day, our future kids iA would be off school too.
in my case i feel it especially because my inlaws are not muslim and christmas is a big deal in their house. in the future, i do intend to bring my in-laws more into Eid, even if I just start off with a box of mithai. raising kids successfully in a mixed cultural background means both sides need to be unified and participate in each other's events so our kids don't grow up feeling torn between one or the other. (a bit offtopic but i find there are very many naysayers who are happy to tell me how "confused" my children will be, but very few people who focus on the positives of experiencing two different languages, customs, cuisines and traditions. that's ok though, because that is where my husband and i, as their parents, will step in and put our best feet forward iA. if anything, it is one of the strongest motivations i have to better myself as a Muslim so i can present a strong, positive picture to my future children iA.)
back on topic, so yes, if we make Eid a big deal, its going to be a big deal for our kids too, and hopefully they won't feel like they're missing out on anything.
One year for Eid I did a big open house. Hubby and I ordered M&Ms that said "Eid Mubarak" on one side and our names on the other. People were so shocked and loved them!
I usually make sure to get SOMETHING, even if it's small for the younger siblings and cousins we see. One year we got silly little cards with cartoon or movie characters and had little notes about how Harry Potter wished them a "charming" Eid, etc. This past Eid I made little Eidi pouches, with home-made chocolate chip cookies and money inside for each kid. Some years we get individualized presents. But I always make sure to do something. It's important to me and I know it was important when my parents did it for me.
We have family friends who used to have a Ramadan tree for their youngest son. He got a gift every night :D.
It's probably worth having a separate thread on this.
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