I dont hate my relatives, but i'm not particularly close to them...they are just there. I grew up far away from all of them and I used to be close with my mother's side, but as we grew older, my aunts would start comparing the children and competing over stupid things and that has just been a disaster.
Relatives are people who should share in your happiness and also in your sadness. Its my engagement that made me realize how little my extended family actually cares. When I got engaged, I heard a lot of wierd questions and accusations. Most of my cousins did not even call, much less than send an email. The ones who did called a long time afterwards and then said "I was busy with studies" but nowadays, with things like orkut and Facebook, you can tell how busy they actually were. Besides, how long does it take to send an email?
When other cousins have been engaged, you can see a difference in reaction. I dont understand if its just distance which have made them treat me this way or jealousy...I'm not trying to say I'm a hotshot, but I am from a very average family and I was the only person in the family to go to really good schools, also on scholarship. I got there as a result of my hard work and desire to please my parents. Im also not a beautiful girl, but I guess the normal things that people make criticisms about, i.e. she's short, she's fat, etc etc, don't apply to me and the people in my family like to find flaws with everyone. For example "Haan intelligent to hai lekin uss mein koi kashish nahin hai" thats what makes me think that my aunts are probably making comparisons and that makes my female cousins bitter and not like me.
I have one cousin who literally used to be my best friend. All of that changed after her brother started liking me and things have not ended up well. She is constantly comparing herself to me and I'm not really used to people say things like "we are exactly the same weight!" (we're not) or "we got engaged at exactly the same time!" (we didnt) These things arent hurtful as much as they are annoying! I wouldnt want to live my life thinking about how I'm doing in comparison to someone else. More than that, success doesnt have a timeline. God has different plans for everyone!
Her parents are hiding my engagement from their son maybe out of fear for how he might react. We used to talk before, but I stopped talking to him after he started trying to dominate my life: i.e. telling me who to talk to, what time I should be coming home, etc. He was very goodlooking but made me feel bad about myself by saying I was lucky that he talked to me. He's just crazy and spoiled and he is used to getting everything he wants in life. During the time that we were actually on speaking terms (several years ago), he was really rude and said curse words to me on a regular basis and now that I dont talk to him, he wants what he cant have.
This is just a small portion of the stupid family politics I've had to deal with. I'm really grateful to God that I have an amazing fiance. He is mashaAllah caring and thoughtful and hard working and loves my immediate family as much as I do. Although I guess I should be more bitter about my extended family situation, it makes me more determined to be extremely close with my own immediate family and to build my new family to be very close-knit inshaAllah.