Re: Do Women Need Pampering All Their Life
sometimes a spa day with your girl friends can be fun and less stressful than trying to be pampered by your guy. but we do appreciate the thought tho! :)
Even just acknowledging or thanking us can go a long way.
Re: Do Women Need Pampering All Their Life
This need for emotional pampering, wouldn't that be considered a deep seeded insecurity on the part of the women? That they need someone else to validate their self-worth?
Re: Do Women Need Pampering All Their Life
^That is a very sensitive point you raised, CM. Some women will agree to feeling that way, and some won't.
I have been thinking about how society gets women to end up being more neurotic, compared to men (research: women are 1 significant deviation more neurotic than men - which is quite a difference). It is likely that the need for self-validation and the need to feel secure stems from this neuroticism. It is sad. It makes sense to me. But I hope I am wrong.
Re: Do Women Need Pampering All Their Life
Some things I can understand that society is to blame for. Like a sexually actively woman is a slut. While a guy is a hero. I can see where society plays a role in such gender stereotypes. But the issue of self-worth is not one of society in my opinion. Society does not base a woman's value on her child bearing abilities or her man anymore. 50 years ago? Sure. Today no. So if you could elaborate on your point that would be great.
Re: Do Women Need Pampering All Their Life
Yes, I would like to elaborate.
See, a girl's self esteem (speaking in averages here) reaches its lowest when she reaches puberty (research). It is high and healthy before she reaches puberty, after then it takes time for her to start developing a healthier sense of self. Self esteem does better again in late 20s/early 30s and goes up from there.
What is changing in those years? Obviously the body is, which is the case for boys too. But the other thing that is changing is that the girl starts realizing about where she should be according to the society, what she can and cannot do. There is harsher criticism when a woman breaks any cultural norms than when a guy does. Guys are often encouraged to be rebellious, or at the very least, the consequences for them are not as bad. They can break the rules and get away with it too.
Around 30s, in a woman's life, she usually has had enough experience to start seeing things a bit more healthily and thus things improve. However, the society continues to judge women harshly and thus they continue to be neurotic (probably less so as time goes on). This neuroticism and knowing that she'd be judged for any little mistake she makes, might be the reason why younger women are insecure. They already have low self esteem. And who likes feeling bad about themselves? Validation is a way to undo any criticism that may or may not come their way. It IS validation, that society doesn't do a good job with.
Now, this doesn't mean that women should blame it on the society and make their lives difficult. It is smart of women who work on any such lingering issues and try to deal with life more maturely.
Most importantly, no one can hold it against them. Explanations are supposed to garner sympathy for anyone who might be suffering. The women in question and the men who have to make up for the society. Both the people can understand and work on the issue.
Re: Do Women Need Pampering All Their Life
i think they expect
Re: Do Women Need Pampering All Their Life
Yes, I would like to elaborate.
See, a girl's self esteem (speaking in averages here) reaches its lowest when she reaches puberty (research). It is high and healthy before she reaches puberty, after then it takes time for her to start developing a healthier sense of self. Self esteem does better again in late 20s/early 30s and goes up from there.
What is changing in those years? Obviously the body is, which is the case for boys too. But the other thing that is changing is that the girl starts realizing about where she should be according to the society, what she can and cannot do. There is harsher criticism when a woman breaks any cultural norms than when a guy does. Guys are often encouraged to be rebellious, or at the very least, the consequences for them are not as bad. They can break the rules and get away with it too.
Around 30s, in a woman's life, she usually has had enough experience to start seeing things a bit more healthily and thus things improve. However, the society continues to judge women harshly and thus they continue to be neurotic (probably less so as time goes on). This neuroticism and knowing that she'd be judged for any little mistake she makes, might be the reason why younger women are insecure. They already have low self esteem. And who likes feeling bad about themselves? Validation is a way to undo any criticism that may or may not come their way. It IS validation, that society doesn't do a good job with.
Now, this doesn't mean that women should blame it on the society and make their lives difficult. It is smart of women who work on any such lingering issues and try to deal with life more maturely.
Most importantly, no one can hold it against them. Explanations are supposed to garner sympathy for anyone who might be suffering. The women in question and the men who have to make up for the society. Both the people can understand and work on the issue.
While I do not discount anything you have stated. I fail to see the correlation between self-worth and constraints provided by society. Confident women are confident regardless of societal constraints placed on them. The need for self-validation is by no means a symptom of society placing constraints on women. Case in point. All women say they deserve to be pampered. But all these women come various social strata in various different cultures and environs. Blaming society in this case is a crutch. Nothing more.
Men by and large do not have the same over arching desire for self-validation. We get ours from material aspects to an extent. Having a job is a big ego boost for a guy. And a good job they have always wanted well even better. Women need a man to validate them. That is merely based on this thread of course. I don't see how society applies in this scenario.
Re: Do Women Need Pampering All Their Life
Men by and large do not have the same over arching desire for self-validation. We get ours from material aspects to an extent. Having a job is a big ego boost for a guy. And a good job they have always wanted well even better. Women need a man to validate them. That is merely based on this thread of course. I don't see how society applies in this scenario.
I disagree. A real woman does not need a man to validate her. good thing you wrote a disclaimer about the thread....warnaaa.... :)
you bought up the point: men get their ego boosts form material things (job)...hmmmm if a woman got her ego boost the same way (material)...she'd be labeled a "money hungry ho-bag."
and I agree with Nisha's post as well..but its 5am so bedtime... peace ya'll
Re: Do Women Need Pampering All Their Life
Do they expect that a man must make them feel special always.
You are mixing two things here: Pampering and make them feel special are two different things.
I'm not married but as far as I know you only have to show simple appreciation for whatever they do and never take them for granted. I think it's not difficult at all. You even have to appreciate your employees if you are a boss, or they won't work.
So appreciating a wife if she does anything worthwhile shouldn't be a problem at all.
Re: Do Women Need Pampering All Their Life
Men and women, both need pampering ALL their life. Who doesn't like to be loved?
Re: Do Women Need Pampering All Their Life
While I do not discount anything you have stated. I fail to see the correlation between self-worth and constraints provided by society. Confident women are confident regardless of societal constraints placed on them. The need for self-validation is by no means a symptom of society placing constraints on women. Case in point. All women say they deserve to be pampered. But all these women come various social strata in various different cultures and environs. Blaming society in this case is a crutch. Nothing more.
You are right. Blaming the society would be a crutch, but an explanation is just that; an explanation.
Think about imposing strict rules on a person, with strict criticism if one fails to follow the rules. And now think about what would happen if the do make any mistakes or deviate from the rules. Think about that person's experience of harsh criticism, and their sense of self. A kid with continuous harsh criticism would have difficulty developing a healthy sense of self.
Check out the "Opinionated Wives" thread, or any Life1 threads where one party feels that they have to live by someone else's rules.
Now men have to follow those rules too. But the society gives them a bit more leeway.
Even confident people feel anxious and threatened.
This, by no means, means that women have no self-worth etc. It only explains the slight difference between men and women on neuroticism scale. In the end, every single person needs validation to be psychologically healthy.
Re: Do Women Need Pampering All Their Life
LOL! smooth… 
And to the topic question, my answer would be no, not allll the time, Just showing respect and appreciation would be enough. If she makes a nice meal, a compliment wouldnt go amiss. 
Small things would do, and in return she too would go out of her way to do more for you. 