Re: cut ties with mother in law is it right?
her mil is not the problem here its her husband, he needs to understand when to stand up, this type of crap happens in my family and believe me nothing will get solved until her husband will take a stand!
Re: cut ties with mother in law is it right?
Agree husband has 2 pay attention and sort out all prob
He can cotnrol mother nd wife both cz he is responsible of both.
Re: cut ties with mother in law is it right?
agree with americandesi
Re: cut ties with mother in law is it right?
You're not obligated to serve your mil (islamically) but severing any ties in Islam is gunnah. As an adult you're suppose to respect her and cutting ties off is not a good idea. Imagine how the son would feel.. he owes his life to his mother hun, nothing changes that, not even marriage.
call her outside to meet privately. take some snow and smack it in her face and shove it down her throat and suffocate the kameeni booria. and then throw her lash in the gutter.
Re: cut ties with mother in law is it right?
I agree that its a bad idea to try to cut ties. Its family. You can't cut these ties, family is family now and forever yeah? I mean, you can choose to drop a friend but you cannot choose family. Cutting ties does nothing but harm and even if it eases the stress from the relationship, you will have more stress in other ways from your husband being upset, your MIL being upset and then other family trying to step in.
Best thing is to have a supportive husband. And even if you and he cannot change your MIL, you and he can lean on each other for support and for releif from the stress of dealing with her.
Sometimes, people get a nasty edge to them as they age. This is the case with my own mom, she can be so very nasty to me (and sometimes to my middle son). My hubby privately and out of her hearing makes jokes, he always gets a smile and a giggle out of me no matter how bad things get. The way I see it, I'm earning a special place in heaven lol! Or maybe when I turn into a mean old hag, my boys will have as much patience with me. (But I told my hubby that if I turn into a mean ole hag then he has my permission to take me out back and shoot me lol) I make every attempt to stay clear of things that I know bother my mom, I dont get nasty in return and we try to steer clear of her when we know that she's in a particularly bad mood - we go out shopping or something. There really isnt much else we can do yeah? Its not like we can or would want to take her to the store and exchange her for a better model lol!
Sometimes, people get a nasty edge to them as they age. This is the case with my own mom, she can be so very nasty ......................
Mamaof3, what you have pointed out is something I can very rarely expect from a Pakistani (and most likely Indian) girl. This is one of the major reasons of the, now almost cultural & traditional, tussles between MILs and DILs in desi societies. In other terms, you may also define it as hypocrisy.
Re: cut ties with mother in law is it right?
I dont understand what you mean Witch....how is this hypocritical?
What I said is very true in my own experience. Some aging people do indeed turn mean as they age and I think you may agree if you had experienced this. Further, my opinion is that family must deal with it in a polite manner. Sometimes, my mom will make stunningly mean comments ... like one time, my infant son began to cry. We had company - some of my hubs family over and my parents over. I picked up baby and started to walk to my room to feed him and my mom says in a very nasty voice and - in front of all the company - "Sheesh, you dont have whip out your boobs every time he cries"
Anwyay, please explain what is hypocritical about what I've said....
Re: cut ties with mother in law is it right?
I am sorry!! I am not saying you are hypocritical. Actually, just the opposite.
What I wanted to highlight is that you pointed out to your own mother first. In desi society, I have made numerous observations that this is almost impossible. A daughter never appears to see the wrong behaviour of her mother when her mother is acting in the capacity of MIL.
Re: cut ties with mother in law is it right?
...sorry for misunderstanding Witch!
Its a tough thing to deal with whether its MIL or your own mom when they turn mean....and something that is very hard to understand (esp when you're dealing with it and all the stress that comes with it)...is that maybe they can't help it. Maybe its hormonal or something. But I really dont think these meanies can help it kwim? So just give them love, respond peacefully and with serenity and then go have some giggles over it all with your (hopefully) supportive spouse.