crush on co-worker - need to stop it, but how?

[redvelvet]

@Resham

okay, this is my problem: I have a crush on my boss. it’s nothing serious, but the trouble is i can’t stop thinking about him! it’s annoying b.c. he’s 20 years older than me, married, kids, white, etc, so you’d think we’d have nothing in common, but we hit it off really well together. He compliments me on my work a lot and is really nice. And i keep telling myself okay, this is your boss, strictly professional, but my stupid feelings are all confused.

You can “hit if off” with MANY people of the opposite gender, that doesn’t mean you and him should get together or something. Also, a crush is a crush. You don’t know a person unless you start living with them…and that stage can change your perceptions entirely…they could go from positive to negative. You can find a Muslim guy who is older than you…whom you are compatible with…and marry him. If you do have the desire and means to marry…that’s something that you can actively look into.

just to be clear, i don’t flirt with him, we just talk about work and a little chit-chat here and there when our team goes out to lunch together. but i really want to keep my feelings in check here, and don’t want things to get worse.

Feelings, as I’ve said before, can’t be turned off like a light switch and then be expected to stay off for eternity. They’re very complicated and can be triggered easily at times. The only thing that you can do is to keep reminding yourself that you shouldn’t act on these feelings, that you should remain professional at all times, and try diverting your thoughts when you get flirtatious or romantic/crush type notions about him. You can even try not going out to lunch at times. Seriously, you don’t have to go out to lunch with your boss and team EVERY SINGLE TIME **they invite you. You can stay back at the office sometimes. **You can try bringing lunch from home and use the excuse that you’re trying to eat more healthy. That is not an offensive excuse at all. It’ll work.

I think i always manage to have a crush on my bosses -like in internships, i’ve always had a thing for older guys in authority positions. but i want the feelings to stop. i keep telling myself, oh god, this guy could be your dad, snap out of it! then he’ll say something nice to me and i become like a freaking lovestruck teenager. any tips or similar experiences?!?!?

**
An older guy says something nice to you and you become starstruck?** Is the older guy supposed to be mean to you? Is he supposed to make fun of you? Most people in general…whether they are…older/same age/or youger…will be nice or polite to you. People try to be courteous to others. Courtesy alone should not be a reason for you to become starstruck, because as I said earlier, a few moments with a person doesn’t really tell you what he is like. You know a person better when you live with them. That’s why a crush doesn’t have much substance to it.

***************** **Also, remind yourself that your boss is a married man. He has a family. **If you even SUBCONSCIOUSLY act flirtatious, you’re sending out an unprofessional message…and if word gets around…this can ruin your reputation. People are not blind to body language. It’s fairly easy for others to tell if you have a crush on someone. And you don’t want gossip to start circulating because of one or two observant and intuitive pairs of coworker eyes at work. **So, remind yourself of that. And in the event that your boss is able to detect your feelings and reciprocates, he’s only hurting his family. And I’m sure that the last thing you want to be is a home wrecker. Remind yourself of Allah and these points…try to eat lunch in the offices on some days…and this will help keep your feelings in check. And if you’re interested in marriage, try to find a guy who meets your requirements. What more can we suggest that you already don’t know about or haven’t thought of yourself?
**