Re: Chances of getting married again
Yes, I will consider a divorcee if I like the guy and it was a valid reason for divorce.
[quote="Chicken_Biryani, post:27, topic:203016"]
No they are not valid cases for divorce .. it clearly shows that an individual doesnt have the patience or motivation to deal with human relations and sensitivities of life.
*I was thinking the other day that even in your career , if you display quick job jumps, impatience in dealing with your colleagues , you will find it impossible to get into your next job ! the employers shun such candidates for fear of gross behaviour, lack of loyalty, lack of interest and interpersonal skills.
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CB, I'm telling you this based on experience. While there are employees who are not sincerely committed, there are ALSO toxic work environments. I've seen employees who put forth their sincere efforts to connect with everyone at work and do each task to the best of their ability. But efforts don't make an impact because the other party is adamant about disrespecting you frequently through offensive body language, lies, condescending remarks, refusing to conduct open communication. I've seen employees try their best to arrange for discussions to resolve issues sometimes even requesting the help of a professional to mediate the discussion. But in spite of all efforts, nothing works......and the daily stress takes a toll on your health and impacts other aspects of your life. All relationships (even professional ones) require RESPECT which is a rather basic foundation. It takes two to tango. And when you've given it your best effort to salvage a situation........and it's only getting worse..........an exit can be a relief. Yes, there are slackers at work............BUT.......as i said earlier we can't understand the depth of the other person's predicament unless we are in their shoes.
While I respect your opinion that marriage isn’t to be taken lightly, I disagree with the idea that any case that doesn’t involve one spouse inflicting physical abuse on the other is not a valid basis for divorce.
Zaynab bint Jahsh, the cousin of the Prophet (PBUH) married a former slave, Zayd and divorced him around a year later…with permission from the Prophet (PBUH). The reason? Most scholars say that there were compatability issues, namely, the fact that she was of a very high social class and he wasn’t. Neither one of them felt comfortable in the marriage. Though the Prophet (PBUH) wasn’t happy with the divorce, he gave permission for it anyway. And then HE married Zaynab. And we all know that the Prophet (PBUH) acted on the orders of Allah SWT, so regardless of the Prophet’s (PBUH) feelings, Allah SWT approved it.
That’s not to say that marriage and divorce should be taken lightly. If you make those promises in front of an Imam and the rest of your community, you’d better be putting in some effort to see them through. Islamically, that’s your duty. But sometimes, it simply doesn’t work. One spouse may be willing to put in some serious work, but what is he/she supposed to do when the other one isn’t putting in any effort? The wife may be very good natured but the in-laws may very well be making her life hell and her husband isn’t doing squat about it. How many years is she supposed to suffer through that? And the list of reasons that don’t involve physica abuse go on and on. That’s why, even though it’s frowned upon in Islam, divorce is still permitted
As for making a comparison with one’s career…I feel that’s a comparison of apples and oranges. There are many things I’ve put up with - often times with a smile and an even greater effort at working hard - in jobs such as obnoxious, gossipy coworkers, coworkers who dump their work on me, bosses who are rude and look the other way when others are slacking off, discriminatory remarks, etc. You’re right. Sometimes you just have to grin and bear it at work, especially when you need to pay the bills. But that’s NOT what marriage is for. Marriage takes work but it’s not supposed to be work as in the 9 to 5 kind. Allah talla created it for us for “sukoon.” A spouse, in the best and most Islamic of marriages, is supposed to be your oasis of peace. If we have to have the same drama at home with the spouse as we do at work, that’s not right. If your spouse is putting you through the same tedium and torture you sometimes need to put up with on the job, then your spouse isn’t behaving in a very Islamic way.
A person who lost it once can lose it again ... and no matter how sorry a state they are in , they are not worth my attention. specially when their actions were so against Allah's word.
I'm sorry, what?? could you please elaborate on this sentence here... lost what?
Re: Chances of getting married again
They're not worthy of her attention. What is there to elaborate on?
Re: Chances of getting married again
Ok this is confusing the heck out of me. Divorce is not a disease. Its just a result of unfortunate circumstances. In case of a girl, she could be perfect but hubby could be a drunkard two timer. Why that girl is not as eligible to remarry again as any other never-married girl in the world, if she decided to leave her first hubby?
Ok this is confusing the heck out of me. Divorce is not a disease. Its just a result of unfortunate circumstances. In case of a girl, she could be perfect but hubby could be a drunkard two timer. Why that girl is not as eligible to remarry again as any other never-married girl in the world, if she decided to leave her first hubby?
Spoken like a true leader. Now dont get a big head!
Oh too late.
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Divorce is not a disease.
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Indeed. It's not.
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Why that girl is not as eligible to remarry again as any other never-married girl in the world, if she decided to leave her first hubby?
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Because people can be crude and unfeeling. In the case of a girl, many will see her as used goods. In the case of guys, they instantly get suspicious and assume that he did something wrong/hurtful/illegal/whatever and don't give him a second glance.
It's unfair and small minded, but that's the way it is.
Fortunately, there are still people out there who have open hearts and minds. Allah bless them.
Indeed. It's not.
Because people can be crude and unfeeling. In the case of a girl, many will see her as used goods. In the case of guys, they instantly get suspicious and assume that he did something wrong/hurtful/illegal/whatever and don't give him a second glance.
It's unfair and small minded, but that's the way it is.
Fortunately, there are still people out there who have open hearts and minds. Allah bless them.
Well said and very true, Mistral! While desi society upholds several positive values, there are many absurd notions that not only reflect double standards but also prevent us from progressing as a society.
i hate ghee aur shakkar…have anything else? 
simple…majority in the East are more willing to spend the rest of their life in a loveless, meaningless, physically/mentally/emotionally abusive marriage to “save face” and/or “for the sake of the children” or perhaps even for financial reasons as oppose to those here in he west who are not willing to do so.
dont think that just because divorce rates are low in the east that people are happy with their marriages…no! they are just living their life one miserable day at a time.
exactly what im trying to figure out. 
TLK its all due to culture…once a girl has been married…ignorant folks label her as being “used goods” after she is divorced…sickening thing is that it doesnt matter if he has been with another woman or not..they expect their wife to be chaste. Also the baggage issue comes into play…too much emotional baggage to deal with…i suppose. if she has kids…even more so. stupid mentality i think.
Re: Chances of getting married again
How about Olive oil and brown sugar AE?
a healthier option? hmmm lemme think about it 
Re: Chances of getting married again
AE and RV ,
Yes, I do carry a hard stance on divorced individuals ... mainly because these days divorce is seen an easy escape route .. we dont want another society like the west , where they are so used to the concept of fall in love, get married, few years later get divorced and then carry the cycle all over again.
Alot happens in a marriage , even in cases where both are madly in love there is a very very high level of patience, understanding and constant effort needed to save and secure a relationship.
and unfortunately many individual today do not put good enough efforts into saving the relationship.
Allah has allowed us divorce as a last option ... but it is still considered one of the most hated in Allah's sight.... it is so for a reason ... The fact that we humans should encourage each other to positively accept our spouses and try to turn around the situation as much as possible to avoid divorce , be it by forgiving the other , kill our ego , changing our attitude etc
I agree , sometimes it just doesnt work out and one is left with no choice but to seek divorce .. that we leave it for Allah mian to decide whether the individual had tried good enough to keep their relationship. In todays day and age , notice if a woman sheds two tears and tells her story there will be many that will tell her to seek divorce and hardly few that will advise her to continue trying to make the situation better... such advisors follow the satan's footsteps .
I am very much against divorces ... unless its for a genuine reason.
Re: Chances of getting married again
^ and who are u to decide what's a genuine reason?
In the end, its the person who has to live with that miserable spouse or evil in laws. If you're not in their shoes then you shouldn't judge. And frankly, if you dont' consider someone worthy of your attention if they are divorced.....then they should be blessed they are saved from ppl like that.
Sorry but I don't think unmarried people should be giving advice on marriage/divorce issues.
AE and RV ,
Yes, I do carry a hard stance on divorced individuals ... mainly because these days divorce is seen an easy escape route .. we dont want another society like the west , where they are so used to the concept of fall in love, get married, few years later get divorced and then carry the cycle all over again.
Alot happens in a marriage , even in cases where both are madly in love there is a very very high level of patience, understanding and constant effort needed to save and secure a relationship.
and unfortunately many individual today do not put good enough efforts into saving the relationship.
Allah has allowed us divorce as a last option ... but it is still considered one of the most hated in Allah's sight.... it is so for a reason ... The fact that we humans should encourage each other to positively accept our spouses and try to turn around the situation as much as possible to avoid divorce , be it by forgiving the other , kill our ego , changing our attitude etc
I agree , sometimes it just doesnt work out and one is left with no choice but to seek divorce .. that we leave it for Allah mian to decide whether the individual had tried good enough to keep their relationship. In todays day and age , notice if a woman sheds two tears and tells her story there will be many that will tell her to seek divorce and hardly few that will advise her to continue trying to make the situation better... such advisors follow the satan's footsteps .
I am very much against divorces ... unless its for a genuine reason.
None of us have recommended divorce as a first option. And i've noticed that in many threads related to marital problems in the Life forum, most guppies advise alternative solutions to saving the marriage. Very few people list divorce as the immediate solution.
I personally know two women who were divorced by their husbands for stupid reasons. In one case the decision to divorce was premeditated by the husband and his family because he was in love with someone else. The husband divorced my friend after only three months of marriage on her birthday, didn't get the girl of his dreams as her parents were against the match. It was not only the husband who was a jerk, but her in-laws treated her with disrespect. She was baffled when she saw the divorce papers on her birthday, she didnt' see it coming. The guy got married a second time........his family treated girl #2 like chit as well. Girl # 2 got in touch with the first wife and found out everything and divorced him. What goes around comes around.
Reading the above example, you will think to yourself, "See RV, people divorce for the dumbest of reasons." But I'm glad that my friend got married again, this time to a very nice person. Her current husband was able to look past her divorce "blemish" and get to know her as a person. He didn't think to himself that "Oh she's not worthy of my attention because she's divorced." In her situation, she was the victim.
Re: Chances of getting married again
I dont think divorce is a reason to disqualify someone for marriage. I would inquire and investigate more into the history of the person and make sure he/she is sane and is telling the truth.
People dont get into marriages with the intention of paying for a pricey and mentally distrubing divorce. No one likes the D word.
If people can be in a relationship knowing full well that Allah swt doesnt like relationships either...then why cant they be divorced? A divorce maybe dislikable but its still halal according to the rules. Being in a relationship or having a boyfriend/girlfriend is haram...in the Western interpretation. At least the person MARRIED and then DIVORCED...both halal and allowed in Islam.
Regardless of all that...THEY are answerable for THEIR actions to ALLAH swt only...not us.
Re: Chances of getting married again
First of all this is not about nowadays. It has been going on since day one.
Societies of Islam have the same things happening. Lets not make the divorce a scarlet letter for the women and a witch hunt for men.
Now since you mention religion let me quote something directly here so people dont start thinking it is my opinion. READ this to get things in perspective.
**"One day, while speaking to Hazrat Hafsa’s mother. Hazrat Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “I think I shall so and so.” Whereupon his wife replied, “But it would be better if you did such and such.” “Are you arguing with me, woman?” said Umar who was a fierce man who did not expect his wives to talk back at him. “Why not?” she answered. “Your daughter keeps arguing with the Messenger of Allah until she upsets him for the whole day.” Hazrat Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) immediately put on his cloak and went directly to his daughter’s house. “Is it true that you argue with the Messenger of Allah?” he asked. “Indeed I do.” She replied. Hazrat Umar (rh) was just about to chastise her for what he considered were bad manners, when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) came into the room and would not allow him to even touch her. So HAzrat Umar (rh) went round to visit Hazrat Umm Salama(rh) to whom HAzratUmar (rh) was related in order to try and influence Hazrat Hafsa’s behavior through her.
“I wonder at you, Ibn Khattab,” she said, after she had listened to him. “You have interfered in everything. Will you now interfere between the Messenger of Allah and his wives?” Sayiduna Hazrat Umar(rh) when relating this incident, continued, “And she kept after me until she mad me give up much of what I thought proper.” Some sources say that the Prophet divorced Hazrat Hafsa (rh) with a single divorce and that Hazrat Umar (rh) was heart broken when this happened and began to throw dust on his head.
Then the Prophet took her back after Jibril had descended and said to him. “Take Hafsa back. She fasts and prays and she will be your wife in the Garden.”** Link"
So if you take a stance against divorced people think again. You and I dont have angels descending to help us and we are not exactly rightly guided. Your stance against divorced people goes against the prophets and Sahaba also then? dont you think?
Agree with you but until you have lived through a divorce yoourself (which I wouldnt wish on my enemies) you are NOT speaking from experience at all..and you dont know how things happen sometimes.
Re: Chances of getting married again
All I have to say is...dont come down on divorced persons (or any person for that matter) in whose shoes you've not walked a couple of miles. Its very easy t pass judgement but also easy to forget that judgement is not YOUR job. Its the job of God/Allah. So perhaps worse than being a good person that happens to be divorced is a person who judges the divorced person without knowing all the details. Judgement should be left to The One WHO KNOWS.
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Societies of Islam have the same things happening.
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Couldn't agree more. Just have a look at the court records of the Ottoman Empire from hundreds and hundreds of years ago. There you'll find tons of divorce cases (a lot of them initiated by women) for reasons as vague as today's "irreconcilable differences" to more specific reasons such as broken promises (with regards to mahr or property for example). And in every case, the khadis - the religious judges - granted the divorce.
CB, I think the reason your posts struck a nerve is what appears to be a seemingly unforgiving point of view.
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and no matter how sorry a state they are in , they are not worth my attention. specially when their actions were so against Allah's word
...hamare khiyal nai miltay etc " or " my inlaws were difficult people and I couldnt survive anymore ".. then apologies but they are just very materialistic individuals and should be denounced ...
they are not valid cases for divorce .. it clearly shows that an individual doesnt have the patience or motivation to deal with human relations and sensitivities of life
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Zaynab bint Jahsh was Umm ul Mumineen. As Muslims we are supposed to give her the same reverence as we would our own mothers. But she divorced Zayd with the Prophet's (PBUH) permission precisely b/c her "khiyal" weren't in accordance with Zayd's nor Zayd's with hers.
Like many here have said, you can't say whether a divorced person has gone "against Allah's word" or that this person "should be denounced." That is for Allah to decide, not us mortals. And regardless of how well we think we know the situation, there is no way to tell anything for sure unless we're in the shoes of that person who had to suffer through the divorce.