Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law's Manners Guide
It wasn't very 'lady-like' of the MIL to write an email. she should have hand-written it!!
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law's Manners Guide
The MIL sounds quite stuck in her ways and stuck up in general from the tone of the email. And like a few people are saying, there are two sides to every story. Only bad thing I gleaned about the DIL from the whole thing is that she decided to email it to all her friends...i'm sure that really helped improve the situation.
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law's Manners Guide
As every one has said.....there are two sides to a story.....
If we really dig deep into the origins of Victorian etiquette then you will find nothing wrong with what the potential MIL has said. She is obviously a person from the older generation that values "prim and proper behaviour".
While I can't speak for what was in this elder lady's heart or mind, I can definitely comment on a couple of things......
Perhaps the DIL slept in until 11:00 when the rest of the household she was staying with was up and about at 8 am. Likely they would have had a proper breakfast prepared for her and might have even waited for her to come down before they had their own.....
She could have easily taken a very small portion of the hypothetical "pudding"........such a small amount could not have impacted her diabetes......and if it was lethal for her then she could have discreetly mentioned her condition to the hostess without creating a scene (I'm assuming that she did based on the MIL's comments about it).
It is the obligation of the host/hostess to politely offer second helpings......she should have waited for her hostess to do this before she dove in for seconds. (This relates to a mention I made some time ago about children standing around the birthday cake and drooling as if they have never seen a cake before.) Well bred people do not eat like they've never had a certain food before.....
The comments about the cost of the wedding are probably coming from the DIL's insistence (I think she mentions somewhere that the girl is wanting to have the wedding in a castle) on having an extravagant wedding yet the parents are unable to contribute equally. She's ticked that the son and likely her own husband will be forced to foot a larger bill than they would have had to. Is she justified in this attack? Technically speaking yes but by her own standards of etiquette, definitely not.
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law's Manners Guide
Although MIL is saying the right things , but she does not have grace in her mannerisms either , she is too blunt that is why she failed to deliver the right message and this email went viral. If MIL had followed her own advice and would not be so blunt then this email would not go viral. Any advice will fall flat if tact and diplomacy is not used while delivering it.
I wonder if she has tried to deliver the message in the correct tone before and failure has driven her to this point....... who knows......two sides, remember?
The fact that the DIL circulated the note speaks much of her polish.....or lack thereof.
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law's Manners Guide
OMG I am SO taking a leaf out of this MIL's book. I LOVE her! I aspire to be like her
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law's Manners Guide
All those things are minor, seems to me like she's just nit-picking.. Imo if those things really do bother her she prob won't be happy with any girl her son chooses..
If the girl had gotten drunk or something at the dinner table I might have understood her being angry but there isn't a single thing she mentioned I would call a big deal and some are just ridiculous things to get upset about (not receiving a handwritten note to say thankyou??).. Sounds like Hyacinth Bucket lol..
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law's Manners Guide
Seems like there is both support and anger here at the letter, tone and what not.
Obviously daughter in law has forwarded such a personal email and made it viral. It shows she is no angel. And I agree with some issues pointed out by MIL. However, her general tone is quite patronizing and condescending. Things like 'I pity Freddie' or 'there are finishing schools' are downright pathetic, whichever way you look at it. Its more of a reflection of how uptight MIL is (these are quite personal attacks dont you think?)
Maybe she WANTED her DIL to be to react this way? :p
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law’s Manners Guide
Please don’t try to be Sherlock Holmes
Read the following line from the post and tell how many previous encounters this MIL and DIL might have had. 
“Carolyn Bourne, 60, wrote the message after her stepson Freddie took Heidi Withers to meet his family in Devon - and made it clear they had not got off on the right foot”
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law’s Manners Guide
The girl’s dad speaks out:
Yesterday the father of bride-to-be Heidi Withers hit back, b*ng Mrs Bourne a ‘snotty Miss Fancy Pants’.
In the stinging repost, Alan Withers, 64, said the renowned horticulturist ‘has her head stuck so far up her own a* she doesn’t know whether to speak or f**t.’ **
And although Mrs Bourne appears fastidious about social mores, it emerged yesterday that she may have become pregnant some months before her first marriage in 1974, according to public records.
She is also now on her third marriage.
The astonishing war of words began after Miss Withers, 28, and her fiancé Freddie Bourne, 29, spent the weekend at the home of his father Edward and stepmother Carolyn in April.
Incensed by her future daughter-in-law’s apparent lack of manners, Mrs Bourne sent her an email listing all her faults. She then sent it twice more to ensure it arrived.
In the attack she told Miss Withers she should attend a finishing school in ‘utmost haste’ to get rid of her ‘bad manners’.
She went on to describe her as ‘an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series’.
Speaking from the £450,000 family home in Ledbury, Herefordshire, Mr Withers, 64, said he would never forgive Mrs Bourne for sending the email.
‘Heidi was very upset and the two of them obviously don’t see eye to eye,’ he added.
‘I met Carolyn and her husband Edward for dinner at a pub in London last year.
‘Edward was a jovial chap but Carolyn was quite snotty. She had a look about her which made us think she thought she was better than us. She kept talking about her five horses and how it made her part of the Queen’s set.
‘Ever since that meeting we call her Miss Fancy Pants. I don’t care if she apologises. You can’t take back what has been said once it’s said.’
In the email, Mrs Bourne accused Miss Withers of poor table manners, insulting the family in public and failing to send a handwritten card to say thank you after her stay.
She even said her behaviour had left their pet dog Bomber ‘profoundly upset, depressed and anxious’.
Freddie Bourne is getting married to Miss Withers in an £18,000 ceremony in the great hall of Berkeley Castle in Gloucestershire in October.
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law's Manners Guide
Interesting...
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law's Manners Guide
Sending that email three times makes it seem to me like she was trying to provoke the girl (or she's v.rubbish with computers lol)..
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law's Manners Guide
did saby open a MIL DIL thread????
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law's Manners Guide
Since when is fart censored?
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law's Manners Guide
^it isn't......ur fart is perfectly visible
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law’s Manners Guide
Re: Bourne Ultimatum: Mum-In-Law’s Manners Guide
Oops 