Despite the obvious wisdom in that comment, you know that it still happens. So how do you help those people who just weren't ready to talk?
you help them grow as a person, because the issue is not that they dont open up, but they need to open up appropriately as well. what if someone starts talking and is very adept at shaing hurtful comments and views?
And then, I do think that there are a lot of people who are emotionally and mentally mature (like some of my family members) who have been so sheltered and raised in a conservative household that they just don't know when and how to open up.
so that means that they are not emotionally mature. the overly conservative surroundings have stunted their growth in this area.
again my view would be to treat the cause and not the symptoms.
it starts by helping them understand that opening up is not bad, and to make small changes, do one thing and it may be uncomfortable to do, but eventually it will not be, small gestures, small words here and there.
EXACTLY!!! Now lets try to get that through the head of the aunties and uncles (the actual marriage decision makers)
sadly those uncles and aunties need to grow up as well.
I have seen many immature middle aged people. just because they have more years behind them does not always mean that they have a mature and sensible personality, outlook or approach.
open minded ness does not have to translate to open marriages. high infidelity & a sense of utter disregard is an absolute bad thing for each other, everyone knows it, but sadly very few take a note of what is going on so wrong by BOTH spouses, as most of the blame and claim games is busily played while the relationship is destroyed.
kindness will go only so far, i suspect. but being humble and consistent in a predictably fair behavior will ease much of the tension.
open minded ness does not have to translate to open marriages. high infidelity & a sense of utter disregard is an absolute bad thing for each other, everyone knows it, but sadly very few take a note of what is going on so wrong by BOTH spouses, as most of the blame and claim games is busily played while the relationship is destroyed.
kindness will go only so far, i suspect. but being humble and consistent in a predictably fair behavior will ease much of the tension.
ummmm aunty, what did you smoke before posting, who is talking about 'open marriages' here?
somegrrovy chick, I tried doing this crap of having a weekly outing but we always ended up at a desi joint where we would both end up eating lots of greasy food and raw adrak and onions. Let me tell you all we wanted to do after gettin back home was sleep...no not the american sleeping together shiit.
lol! but see, you need to go back to that, and pledge to try something new in cuisine every week.... so you do desi one week (and come home and brush your teeth :p), then go for chinese the next, middle eastern the week after, etc. etc.. that way, not only do you spend time together but you also try out new foods.
sadly those uncles and aunties need to grow up as well.
I have seen many immature middle aged people. just because they have more years behind them does not always mean that they have a mature and sensible personality, outlook or approach.
yes! i overheard one such couple in wal-mart the other day where the kids, possibly 7 and 10, were counselling their parents because the mother was throwing such a huge **** fit over something her husband had initially said she couldn't buy but then had.
i felt really bad for the family... it just seemed like a good example of two people who had NO communication skills between them and very little maturity.
and no, i dont routinely spy on walmart customers, i was browsing thru their cheapie sunglasses and they were on the other side of the stand :p
I think the lack of communication comes with spouses not spending enough time with each other. They rather be in social gatherings every Friday and Saturday night at tikka parties instead of taking time out for each other. Also, many couples get married and think everything will fall into place automatically not realizing that each person is a unique individual with a different thought process, different expectations. We just keep waiting for the other to prove themself and never take the steps to do it our selves.
Our desi culture has this predispostion about marriage and love after marriage which makes people see married life through rose coloured glass. Also we marryoff our daughters in a young age to a complete stranger while all of her life she is gaurded from boys. Young couples some times have very unrealists approach towards married life but when they are actually married they do not know how to act and that make things go sour. I think respect and patience from both sides is the very important in a young marriage and also it takes time,effort and compromise on some levels to bulidup a relationship so donot expect magic in one night.
I think the lack of communication comes with spouses not spending enough time with each other. They rather be in social gatherings every Friday and Saturday night at tikka parties instead of taking time out for each other. Also, **many couples get married and think everything will fall into place automatically not realizing that each person is a unique individual with a different thought process, different expectations. **We just keep waiting for the other to prove themself and never take the steps to do it our selves.
sorry, if you mis understood. i did not mean to project it as if someone on the thread is practicing open marriage.
what i intended to state is that who draws the line and asserts what makes being open and intimate likely to stay strong for one pair of committed people vis a vis the extreme of flirting with multiple people.
everything has its ethics. so, hopefully, people remind themselves of it when they engage in any behavior that indicates their desire to be with their partner, i.e., a married spouse or someone with whom the marriage is absolutely going to take place.
ummmm aunty, what did you smoke before posting, who is talking about 'open marriages' here?
sorry, if you mis understood. i did not mean to project it as if someone on the thread is practicing open marriage.
what i intended to state is that who draws the line and asserts what makes being open and intimate likely to stay strong for one pair of committed people vis a vis the extreme of flirting with multiple people.
I never understood your post as suggesting that anyone in this thread was advocating an 'open marriage' I was merely suggesting that the topic of 'open marriage' has nothing to do with this thread at all so I am not sure why it was even being stated.