Because you are a woman...
- Woman inspires us to great things...and prevents us from achieving them.
- A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
- Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.
- Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
- Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
- Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
- If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
- Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?
- Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
- Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
- Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.
- Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
- Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
- Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.
- If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question!
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
- Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
- Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
- We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
- Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
- Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
- The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
- ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
- If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
- We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
- If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
- If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
- Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
- You have enough clothes.
- You have too many shoes.
- Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
- It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
- I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.