Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

that sounds like a whole lot of sour grapes, if anything..

22

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

Anyone know of a boy whose family is from Defense, family must have a home with 6-7 rooms minimum, different bathroom in each room, in house cinema, kids all going to best of schools, and college abroad, and they must, and this is important, be cheating the people of Pakistan by not paying their taxes and throwing their **it on the side of the road for the poor to play in.

Let me know, lookin' for a husband. I make round roti. kthanksbye.

23

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

She is definitely not BSing. Plus, come on most of us desi girls are virgins, regardless of where they are raised, so how would she know how it's supposed to be? Pornos are not a reference and desi families don't openly talk about how it's supposed to be. Not wanting that suhaag raat, honeymoon intimacy ever, possibly some desi men just aren't demonstrative or just don't want to be as intimate or see it as a dirty act. I don't know. She is a goodlooking woman, men did flirt with her before marriage so it's not that she is not attractive. Maybe he's just lazy, but he looks like a healthy, fit person.

If he is gay, I don't think any desi man ever announces that he is gay. Imagine how the gossipy desi society would react to that.

By hiding his gayness, he's destroyed her life essentially because a divorced woman rarely gets married again especially after all those years

24

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

How are you supposed to even tell if a person is attracted to you when you meet them for the first time for marriage purposes? Do they hold up a sign?

25

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

How did you find that out? Y u no answer simpl question?

26

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn’t important

so this woman told you all this but didnt ask her husband why they dont have sex? :konfused:

27

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

I don't understand how you came to the conclusion that the Rabbi is saying attraction isn't important. He listed his 5 "golden" rules....but he never says that other rules (ie. choose someone you're attracted to) shouldn't influence the decision. He's not saying that attraction is not important. He is saying that there are other things that matter more and make more of a difference in the long-term happiness in a marriage.

28

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

The way they look at you.. them generally showing an interest..

GG, I don't mean this in a b*tchy or nasty way but are you saying you genuinely wouldn't be able to tell if someone liked you?

29

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

Well, to be fair, some guys are not very expressive and are quite subtle in expressing interest. Add to that, the fact that some girls are quite sheltered in terms of interacting with guys. I don't find it difficult to believe that such women would have trouble discerning whether a guy is interested in them.

30

Well…when it is the right time you just know. And when you talk to that person..you can tell a lot when you are attracted to that person.

31

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

True.. I was going to mention some guys and girls purposely don't look or don't want to show an interest but most seem to give off unintentional signals regardless..

I think OP mentioned she was seeing someone as well (Sorry I only remember the guy who was obsessive but I think before that? Not too sure on the details) so I'd hope she'd have picked up some of the nuances and habits..

Again this might come come across as mean or harsh + I'm not meaning it to but a girl studying or working in a mixed environment would normally be able to tell I think? It's natural to think someone might like us when a person holds their gaze for that bit too long or looks a bit sheepish lol.. My other half used to go quiet and a bit funny (not as in haha funny :D)..

32

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

no attraction no prablem, paper bags!

33

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

Nope, not buying it. You don't have to have watched porn in your life to know that having sex is part of a normal married life. I call BS.

Barney Stinson always turns.it.around. ;)

34

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

^It doesn't matter if you believe it or not Sara.

So I should take a guy that was forced into marriage to a choice of his family, that I knew for a little over a year, that still wanted to keep in touch even after marriage since his wife couldn't come from the old country for months, as my reference for a straight desi guy that's attracted to me? The one thing I like about him was that he definitely didn't hide anything. I've never seen a desi guy like that. I wish most desi men were so demonstrative. And Mezhgan is right in that I wasn't around men that much especially when I lived with my family during college. Now, for the first time I'm living the life of a single person without that protected environment so I can't tell if a guy is just flirty with all women or just with me. There's serious flirting where the guy is really looking for a relationship/marriage(which i've never seen) and then the flirting that's just casual. Let's face it, when a desi man is really flirty, he tends to be the scumbag variety.

35

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

^I didn't really mean flirting when I mentioned showing an interest..

Will reply properly in the morning.. Am half asleep right now..

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Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

Isn't this the same guy you were complaining about in the sentence before who led you on, got engaged to someone back home, wouldn't leave you alone, jumped in your car against your wishes, etc. etc. In other words, has no dignity or shame, and now you want more desi guys to be like him?

37

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

^If you look and read that was a response to Deeba's two posts. She was in disbelief that I didn't know when a guy is interested in me and I was saying how it's difficult to tell if a guy is just a flirt and like that with all women or if he's seriously interested. No I don't want desi men to be like that guy. I did not have guy friends in college and school, I was raised in a really protected environment where I didn't hang out with guys. It would be nice if a desi man actually tried to make an effort to let a woman know that he likes her instead keeping quiet or being shy but not in a scumbag way. Does that make sense?

38

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

^I think it can be hard to tell the difference between a guy simply flirting and being genuinely interested in a girl (as in more than just a light-heated thing)..

I was surprised at a person not being able to tell if someone liked them full-stop.. not if it was genuine or not..

39

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

Let's not put the cart before the horse: has it ever occurred to you that in order for them to tell you, they have to actually like you first?

40

Re: Attraction when finding a life partner isn't important

How do we find answers to these 5 questions if we are not dating anyone and taking an arranged marriage route?