CoughCough
I think people get frustrated at the dependance.
The party is 2 hours away (there and back again) by car and 4 hours by public transport and you need to cab to and from station. Realistically if you don’t want to bug your husband to take you there and are not willing to take the travel time and pay for cab then your answer to the party invite should have been “Nah, I dont have a way to get there”. Your attendance at a party should not be dependant on a close person giving you a lift there and back, but rather you making your own way for the sake of attendance at the party. You should be able to “sort something out”.
Your close person is making it more complicated than it needs to be, but in these situations you should wait to be offered a lift rather than request for one.
You dont drive for whatever reason, thats fair enough. Many people choose not to drive because for them its just alot easier to get around with public transport. But with that decision also comes you relying and being able to handle public transport to get to where ever you want. Shouldn’t have to rely on another person (who is not your husband) to take you back and forth, even if its a close person.
I wouldn’t say its kanjoos, just how people are. Some people don’t like driving all that much and thats why they feel they are “used” when someone asks them for a lift. Others see driving as a pleasure and are more than happy to go out of their way to drive their friends. Also, I think its the fact that you brought it up twice. After saying you’d figure something out just leave it there. If she asked you again if you were able to sort something out, then it means it is in her mind that you needed to go. If she went further on to offer you a lift then it was obvious she’d love for you to come along. But I think she may have seen you as dependant when you asked twice.
Sorry, thats brutal honesty there.
Did your close person challenge your decision about not driving?
redvelvet
Hmm, i think it’s human nature that if you do something just a couple of times (in this case asking for a ride)…the other person thinks you do it all the time. Or maybe she already felt a bit annoyed with having to drive other people (before you talked to her)…and then when you came along (considering you’ve asked the same favor before)…it was sort of like a “last straw” frustration. Add to that, as Coughcough mentioned, k when you told her you’ll figure something out…she assumed you did…and then asking her a second time made her feel a bit overwhelmed? Maybe it’s not that the “other people” would be bothered by your presence…but maybe that she just doesn’t feel comfortable with a crowded car? Some people (in this case the driver) are picky about space…“the more” …isn’t always the merrier for them.
Maybe she really wasn’t feeling frustrated (like she told you) and said what she did as friendly advice. Or maybe she really was annoyed. Or she didn’t feel like taking you. Who knows what her reason/motive was…you can only guess, right? You have more control over yourself than her. So, what are you going to do now? If this party means that much to you, you can figure out a way to get there without depending on her and telling yourself that you’re grateful she helped you in the past and that you have enough self-respect to not hear any more lectures from her…just shrug if off and be determined to have a good time at the party. Or…you can sit at home and simmer and develop a grudge…and if you consider her a friend, it’ll put on a strain on the relationship…and you’ll miss out on the party…and create more stress for yourself. Or…you can not attend the party, stop dwelling on it, and have fun in some other way.
