A joke A Day :d

Hangout Humor (Rated G)
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Re: A joke A Day :d

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous.

The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit's end as to what to do about their sons' behavior.

The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"

At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"

The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"

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Re: A joke A Day :d

Vahe Guru,

I am in a well here and hoping you in the same well there. I am writing
this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We do not live
where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that
most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles away. I
will not be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here
took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not
to have to change their address. I hope that by next week we will be
able to take our earlier address plate back here, so that our address
will remain same too.

This place is nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above
the commode. I m not sure it works too well. Last week I put in three
shirts, pulled the chain, and have not seen them since. The weather here
is not too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained
for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little
too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them
off and put them in the pocket. Your father has another job. He has 500
men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. By the way, I
took bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is badmash. He told her
that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were
confused as to which piece should we remove? Your sister had a baby this
morning. I have not found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I do not
know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last
wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died, and
your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father. There is not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love,
Mom.

P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I
realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

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Re: A joke A Day :d

*Don't Mess With The Amish..

*An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
The Amish man shouts: “Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.”
Which means: “Don't drink the water, the cows have crapped in it.”
The man shouts back: “I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, infidel!”
The Amish man says: “Use two hands, you'll get more.”

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Re: A joke A Day :d

*Lie Clock

*A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, “What are all those clocks?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.”

“Oh,” said the man, “whose clock is that?”

“That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”

“Incredible,” said the man. “And whose clock is that one?”

St. Peter responded, “That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.”

“Where's Hillary Clinton's clock?” asked the man.

“Hillary's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.”

In the absense of fariha ali...
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Re: A joke A Day :d

*King Of The Jungle?

*A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”
The trembling monkey said, “You are, mighty lion!”

Later, the lion confronted an ox and fiercely bellowed, “Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?”
The terrified ox stammered, “Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!”

On a roll now, the lion swaggered up to an elephant and roared his challenge.
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatched up the lion with his trunk, slammed him against a tree several times, then stomped him until the lion was flat as a pancake.

Then the elephant took up a trunk-full of water, soaked the lion, and then trumpeted in victory before sauntering away.

The lion let out a moan, lifted his head weakly and hollered, “Just because you don’t know the answer, doesn’t mean you have to get all huffy about it.”

Yes/No Game
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Re: A joke A Day :d

Chum Chum Chum,
Aathanay ke chalia,
Athanay ka pan,
Chal meray ghoray Pakistan,
Pakistan ka aik shehar,
Us mai rehti Benazir,
Benazir ko goli lagi,
Bakhtawar Asifa ronay lagay,
Rotay rotay bhook lage,
Khali Bilawal momphali,
Momphali mai dana nahe,
Zardari tumhara papa nahe,
Punjab waale ache,
Musharraf bhai sache,
Sache sache jaengay,
Sheikh Rasheed ke dulhan laengay,
Condoleza kaali

,
So nakhro wali,
Aik Nakhra Toot gaya,
Bush ka mo sooj gaya.

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Re: A joke A Day :d

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who
had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house
without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"

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Re: A joke A Day :d

Teacher to Student: A=B, B=C, So A=C, Give me an example.
Student: I Love You, You Love Your Daughter, So I Love Your Daughter.

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Re: A joke A Day :d

Be Annoying In An Elevator

1.Make race car noises everytime someone exits or enters the elevator

2.Make explosion noises whenever someone presses the buttons

3.Stare at another passenger for awhile and then announce. "YOUR ONE OF THEM!"

4.Lean against the button panel

5.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "Personal space".

6.Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

7.On a long ride, crash from side to side as if you're on rough seas.

8.Meow occasionally

9.Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

10.Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I've got new socks on!"

11.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

12.When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

13.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

14.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

15.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"-

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Re: A joke A Day :d

Worlds smallest resignation letter

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Dear Sir,

I Love Your Wife.

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Re: A joke A Day :d

Nice :)

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:rotfl:

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brilliant