A friend that never was!

[jalpari90]

@princess87

always follow ur gut instinct..its always right!..jst because she was there 4u it doesnt mean u owe her anythng…u didnt force her to be there 4u, she was there with her own choice…and any friend would do this…the best thing to do is confront her and say u have found out what she has said about u…ask her y she felt the need to do it..once she does, then u decide whether its a good enough reason..and follow ur heart from there…!

**
Yea that’s logical enough to ask her.**

@Reha

You’ve already spoken to her brother about it, cats out of the bag as it is. I would confront her about just to see what she has to say. In the end though, I would pretty much call it quits with her. She used you.

@redvelvet

Hey Jalpari,

Here are some things to consider:

1) Unless you actually live under the same roof as this girl and her family, you will** NEVER** know the true story. She will tell you one thing. Her sober brother might tell you another thing. Her mom or dad might have their own version. Who will you believe sweetheart? Most people don’t like admitting negative things about themselves. It’s possible that her brother doesn’t drink. It’s just as possible that he does. There are many desi guys and girls, whom after seeing and interacting with them, you’d never imagine that they drink…but they do or have at some point in the past. His drinking or sobriety is not going to affect your life hon, so don’t worry about it. He’s not accountable to you or his sister. He’s accountable to Allah just like the rest of us. If she’s spreading lies about her family members, only Allah knows, and she’ll get what’s coming. If she’s telling the truth, even then it shouldn’t affect your life. Remove yourself from their problems and let them deal with things.

**Oh no the drinking doesn’t affect me lol. With that bit, i meant she lied to me. SHe told me her bro had been kicked out of the house and everyone was depressed at home and so on. I forgot to mention the reason why brother was drunk. In her version he broke up with his gf lol. Everything seemed to be perfectly fine at her brother’s end so it was a hint that she had been making up things. **

2. Are you absolutely sure…do you have proof…that Y is telling you the truth about your friend telling her something disgusting about you? Are you sure that “Y” doesn’t have any hidden agenda of her own? Have you confirmed that what “Y” has told you is indeed the truth or are you just believing her because she “told you so”??? If “Y” has told you the truth, then ask Y if she will come with you to confront this “friend.” In other words, you and Y should confront this girl together at the same time. If Y is honest, then hopefully she won’t mind doing this. This might give you a clearer picture of things.

**

Y happens to be a boy and i am sure there is no agenda there since he didn’t know me. This thing came out in a joint conversation and both x and y are ready to go confront her. **

**3) **If your gut feeling about this girl isn’t good, just avoid her then. Don’t return her phone calls. Don’t meet up with her. Soon enough, she’ll get the message.

4) We don’t know the girl, so we can’t determine exactly why she hurt you. You said that she’s always been supportive of you. Well, there ARE some people who help others because they like feeling needed. They want people to be dependent upon them. It can even serve as an ego boost. There ARE also people who help others because they hope that person will be of some use to them in the future. Like a “If I scratch your back, then you’ll HAVE to scratch my back in return” attitude. Maybe this girl has convinced herself that she is ENTITLED to take advantage of you since she has done you several favors. Or perhaps everything is one big misunderstanding. Find out if Y is truthful. If she is, confront this girl along with Y. And maintain a distance in the future. Don’t worry about the headaches in her family. Concentrate on your life.

**
I personally think she is messed up in the head. she is good at heart but needs attention all the time so she makes stories. None of her ‘problems’ are small. One day her bf ditches her for no reason. The second day he apologizes. One day she finds she is adopted, the other day she finds that’s not true. Now when i look back, i realize i was way to naive to believe every single thing. I am not worried about her family lo. I am just thinking to draw a line where appropriate.**

@cricketplaya

You say Pakistani cuz you’re one. There are cases like these everywhere you go. Why generalize? Sound familiar; “why generalize?” ??

Sadly, this is with a lot of girls.

@Sara516

1. If she’d been with u during really bad times like you said then she cant really be that insincere.

2. You never know what goes on in her home, like RV said…she has one version her bro might have another etc.

3. How do you know what “Y” said is true? If a third person tells u that someone said something…I wouldn’t believe them esp if the person was a good friend of mine.

If she was there for you through your tough time, and all of a sudden u think shes not a good friend because of what someone else told u…then maybe you should move on…she deserves better friends than that…

**
lol the worst part is i felt all the friends are trying to withdraw. I mentioned x and y. Almost the whole circle has a bad blood against her not because she did something but because she lies all the time for no reason. I dont want to be ungrateful to all the things she did to me. Where everyone is looking for a face to face talk, i still don’t want to embarrass her and i am looking for any possibility of misunderstanding at any point. **

@diwana

Just Pakistani girls???

The idea is across the board.

Girls/women have this ‘motherly’ attitude everywhere. Worrying about friends, cousins, acquintances etc. when it is not even needed or helpful. Most of the time it helps but sometimes it is futile.

We had one thread by a girl worrying about supposedly bad cousin using her husband name recently.

@soundarya

Her brother could be lying. Very few people would admit to drinking, it’s a matter of reputation afterall. You could talk to her about the backbiting she did about you, tell her you’re very hurt. I wouldn’t talk to her about her brother. Maybe you two need some distance. Sometimes when friendship becomes more about helping/giving and taking, then the friends deep down might compare… be like, “Oh in my time of need she only did this, whereas I did this and that for her when she was going through tough times.” It’s not a good thing, but it does happen.

He didnt tell me he didnt drink lol. he just told me talked about general stuff which indicated better things were going on at their place.