Re: 24 yo, no degree, no job. What are my options?
don't compare yourself with others.
whilst your waiting to for december to come round get a job and do some more work that will make you more emploable.
Re: 24 yo, no degree, no job. What are my options?
Wait a sec. I remember posting in this thread.
Angel, did you remove my post? 
Girls never ever ever attach your future goals with a guy's future goals unless and untill you are married to him.
The problem is the goals of a career and a relationship don't exist in isolation, so I have to consider both variables. If i wait until getting married to find out whether he is supportive of my career goals, it'll be too late. So better to talk this out beforehand. And as for prepping for medical school, I just need to write my MCAT and then I will be so close to my goal IA
Fazeelat, your husband sounds great, mA :) Well Mr. L in general is not a mean guy, but just says he can't wait three years.
Bookend, I'm only comparing myself to show how give a more vivid example how far I am behind. I already have two jobs, they are the same jobs I have held since I was 20. But in order to study for MCAT, I need to leave them. Need to decide whether I should leave him for my dream...and then I can write the MCAT
So today he called...I told him how happy I was to finally get my parents support (before they had refused to help me saying "larkian neeray kharchay hain"). I was especially happy because I've failed at everything else and having the dream so close would give me one taste of success. I always felt like I was a waste of resources, just consuming them until my death. And being a doctor would give me a feeling of utility; that I was not only a set of fallopian tubes, that my life, however hateful to myself, could help someone.
Anyway, he said that med school is going to take too long and that he's already delaying marriage by a year. I told him that it doesn't matter, b/c there is no marriage until he finishes his degree. So I said it would be good if we are both content with our lives before we move on.
Then he asked me if I really expect to have children as a doctor...he asked me how am I going to manage his parents, children and a medical practice. Ok his parents are not even 50, so I think they can be mostly independent. I can clean the entire house everyday and make dinner but not 21 meals a week. I told him all this, and he said that he doesn't want me to be a maid, and his family is totally supportive of working women. Okay...so I asked him if there were other professions he was ok with. He said he wanted me to teach...I told him I would still be out of the house 8-4 so it would not be any different. Whatever.I hate it when he doesn't even realize how absurd he sounds; he wants me to get engaged but can't decide what continent he wants to live on. A part of this is not his fault (visa probs) but then he should understand that my fam can't say yes to a guy with so many question marks around him.
So I talked to his sister, she is a lot more straightforward than him.
"hasina says:
honestly....in my house there is going to be mixed feelings about ur career.
my dad will love for u to have a career....but i am not sure about my mom. ofcourse she wont force u not to work....but will give u her opinion"
and then later:
"hasina says:
firstly...zee being the only son has and will always have great responsibilities towards his parents
Jello says:
of course
hasina says:
thats one thing u hav to accept
hasina says:
and he is not the type of person who will do things without his parent's permission"
Okay...the first thing is that I understand some people are completely against women working. I can see their side, as my mom stayed home with us in our childhood. But, my side was clear: I wanted to work for a while. So when Mr. L told me about his intentions, my very first question was about his parents. My mom is a really outgoing, fun person who can fit in at a dars or an aerobics class. His mom is very shy, doesn't leave the house and got married when she was 15. So I told him that given these facts, his families expectations of a wife would be a lot different than what I could meet so it was better we stayed as friends and not start anything. But he insisted repeatedly that I was assuming stuff, his sisters work, and that he would love for me to continue working. Of course it was all a lie, my assumption that a stay at home mom would prefer a stay at home bahu was 100% correct.
And he never mentioned any objection from his mom's side a single time.That would have really helped. Honestly I'm more annoyed now because he doesn't tell me things straight up. It's not even about work vs. not work; it's just that he deceived me. Even if I work and try to manage everything perfectly, I know they are just going to try to find faults so they can justify me staying at home. I wonder if he would ever be up for living with my entire family, making them dinner everyday, and then finally sleeping...but right next to my parents' room. If he would protest, I would just tell him with a pained face, "I know we have no kids. but do you think building bridges his more imp't than taking care of my parents?"..and in one sentence, he would be rendered meek and apologetic. Also I would make sure to periodically get 'pissed' at him for not maintaining himself, ie. having bulging pecs and delts.
Blah...some people say happiness is about managing expectations. And maybe that's it; if I had just been told I was only meant to be pregnant, I would have been pleasantly surprised at anything outside of that. Instead my expectations got inflated...I thought I could have some sweet faced children with a caring hubby, continue studying on the side, and eventually become a professor or work for an NGO. Like any guy, I didn't make any concrete deadlines (ex. "May 2010 conceive child" ) but I just had a fuzzy abstract idea of my dreams. man but now i realize some sourpuss should have reminded me that i'm a female, cuz now i'm just left feeling like all those late nights writing lab reports were such a waste...and everytime i hear someone say that i'm so smart or whatever, it feels like a taunt not a compliment. So my point is not that working is bad, or that it is good, just that...men should be honest about their family's requirements and that women should maybe soften their expectations.
Re: 24 yo, no degree, no job. What are my options?
u have an edge over many
u r a girl, u ll get married, no financial responsibilities
look at me, i just turned 24 few days ago
i dont have degree, just got into uni
i m a money guzzler of my parents, lol
on top of that i m a boy with all the responsibilities
u might survive without a job
but i wont
so, stop looking up
i would say let him finish his masters
u do jobs and save some money
and after 2 years get married
be moderate
loafanter comsat ka bata na please.jhoote
anyways you should get married as soon as possible really.
bohot jaldi im going to states (no not for shaadi) for job(my prayers are with you ) do pray for me too
fir to mere paas dollars ho DOLLARS $$$$
maze hi maze yes
gos im so happy , inshaAllah