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  • Controlling nafs is frustrating

    Controlling your nafs frustrates you. We deprive ourselves from lots of things in the name of trails & patience. If you control yourself & dont have sex, wont that frustrate you & we all know it will have a negative impact on your physical, emotional & mental health while people who fulfill their physical needs are in good mood most of the times. For example, now if someone doesnt have food & is starving for years, wont that make that person desperate & frustrated? People will say its trail but that trail is pushing that person to the limits. That person will either steal or else die. How long can one stay hungry and all negative things that come with it? Lets say a person is trying hard not to steal but cant do much. Dont you think patience & trails are indeed frustrating for humans & if those needs are not fulfilled then they will have negative impact on you? Whats the point? Is frustrating us to death good for us & our well being? Thats mere torture in the name of sabr.

    yes, I am blunt, kill me for that.

  • #2
    When you are with your friends, you have to control your nafs when it incites you to gossip or backbite. When you still sleepy, you have to fight your nafs yo get out of bed to pray fajar. You fight your nafs to perform all your other namazain and to get through a day of fasting. You have to fight your nafs to control your tongue when you're angry or feel like lying. You have to control your nafs for many things every single day, not just for sexual desires.

    You have compared sexual urges to starvation and I don't think it's the best analogy/comparison. Food is a more serious issue, OP. The human body cannot survive without food. A person will die without food or it will lead to a host of serious health problems. But a person won't die if they don't have sex; it won't lead to health problems. In our world we still have monks and nuns that go through their entire lives without sex. There are people whose spouses have dies or who are divorced and haven't been laid in a long time. There are married couples that go through dry spells for months. It may be frustrating, but sab jee rahay hain. Going without sex is not as serious as food deprivation.

    If someone has totally killed their zameer and iman, then they can satisfy those urges without any guilt. But if your deen is important to you, then a half hours worth of carnal pleasure is not going to compensate for the days/weeks/months/maybe even years of shame and guilt you might feel later on.

    If someone has an addiction of some sort, then how do you overcome it? By focusing your energy and attention on other things and by keeping away from things which will tempt or trigger. If you want to lose weight, same principle. It's better to make dua, keep your tongue busy with dhikr of darood and istighfar. You should read up on the benefits and barkat of reciting istighfar and darood kasrat se. Not kabhi kabar. But kasrat se. Allah opens doors and gives strength through istighfar and darood and it helps in the fulfillment of duas and inshaAllah you'll be granted a good spouse soon. That would be more productive than to complain against Allah that his rules are too hard to adhere to. Allah's rules are for our protection and if we exercise things in a way that is not halal, then it hurts us in many ways and one of them is roohani corruption. It corrupts you from within and if a person has even a drop or zarrah of iman in them, then will feel that roohani heaviness and corruption. You might choose to kill that awareness in yourself, but you will first feel a sense of heavy loss within you before you suppress your zameer. It is not worth it. Allah k baray main gilla karne se behtar hai k banda dua karay. Don't complain of the rules of the same Rabb that is sustaining you and that you depend on for His mercy. Nothing that we do is without consequence. Sometimes we pay a heavy price for instant gratification.
    At your absolute best, you still won't be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you'll still be worth it to the right person.

    Comment


    • #3
      Well sex is as important as food. No doubt it saves half of your deen if I am not wrong so that shows its importance. People are so much into sexual activities these days , obviously it gives you satisfaction just like food does & those who do are more happy as compared to the girl who is not having any sex. One doesnt die physically without sex but internally that person might, not good for mental health at all, controlling yourself frustrates you, well it frustrates me though.

      How many monks & nuns you see? I am talking about majority not exceptional cases. For those who got divorced, widowed or anything then they must be suffering too in the name of trail & patience, I dont think you have interviewed them whether they are ok living a life without sex, now have you? Jee tu sab rahe hi he kyu k koi aur option nahi tu kya kare phir?

      Deen is important but Allah should understand too that putting someone through trails & tribulations, making them do sabr, can be frustrating for them, thats torture. I pray & make dua but still...

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by bourjois View Post

        Deen is important but Allah should understand too that putting someone through trails & tribulations, making them do sabr, can be frustrating for them, thats torture. I pray & make dua but still...
        Hamara Allah k saath kya rishta hai? He is the Maalik, the Khaliq, and we are the abd or the servants. Hum kaun hotay hain Allah ko "undertand" karanay walay ya Allah ko samjhanay walay? You have to be careful with your words, sweetheart. Sometimes we say things so easily and we don't even realize the gravity of our words.


        No, I have not interviewed couples that are divorced or that have lost their spouse. I never said that they are leading a comfortable life without regular sex. I had even said (in my last post) that they may feel frustrated but it's not a life and death matter. Therefore I would have to respectfully disagree with you again that deprivation of sex is not as serious as deprivation of food.


        In my last post I even gave you a dua that I hope you're blessed with a good spouse soon. I remind you of this to emphasize that I have nothing personal against you. But I have to admit that I am confused about the purpose of this thread. You have posted this thread in the Religion forum, but you are not seeking guidance about whether premarital sex is haram or halal nor are you interested in knowing about Islamic rulings regarding sex. You are not here to seek Islamic guidance, but you are complaining that Allah's rules are hard. So you are basically venting. In that case this thread would fit better in the Life forum. Or maybe it would be better suited for a blog entry?


        Tell me how can we help you? If you're looking for members (both male and female) who are also willing to openly express that they feel sexually frustrated....how will that help you? The only thing that we can do is suggest certain courses of actions apart from actively searching for a spouse. I know people that have encountered miracles through doing abundant istighfar and darood. In the Quran Allah says that He will increase us in rizq, and offspring, and strength if we do istighfar. And right now you need inner strength. There's a hadith where the prophet SAWS said that whoever makes it laazim upon himself to do abundant istighfar, Allah will relieve him of his difficulty and grant him from places he did not imagine. If you feel trapped in your life and you feel that marriage is hard, then try istighfar and darood.....and from somewhere.....Allah will make open a path for you. Maybe from somewhere you had not even imagined. Praying 5 times namaz and har namaz k baad dua mangna is just the bare minimum....it's not considered kasrat ki ibadat. Make it a goal to recite 125,000 times (sava lakh dafa) istighfar and darood...............and you will get some result from it. You will find peace and inner strength. If you are not working, then it is even easier for you to recite 125000 times. If that's too much, then try reciting anywhere from 5000-10,000 times each day. Make a schedule for yourself k har din itna amount laazmi parhna hai. And while you are reciting your tasbeeh, put on an Islamic youtube video. These days I'm listening to the Seerah of the Prophet SAWS by Yasir Qadhi. It's very, very fascinating and addictive to listen to. Phir tum dekha...........you won't be thinking about sex. Because your ears will be listening to the video....your eyes will be on the video....your tongue will be busy in reciting.....and your hands will be busy in moving the tasbeeh. Insaan ko bas thori si himmat karni parti hai....kisi kaam main lag jaaye....to his/her mind will be kept busy.


        Think of those people that are dealing with the loss of a life. Someone who has just lost a parent or a child or a spouse. That's a kind of loss that is permanent. But every day those people have to force themselves to keep busy......they get busy in their jobs....in the household chores.....etc etc. There are some things that more painful than not having sex, Bourjois. Everybody in this life is facing a trial or an azmaaish. The word is "trial"....not "trail." Trail kehtay hain path/rastay ko. Everybody has their trial. Some are facing much more severe trials than you.

        You have 2 options, Bourjois. You can respond by saying k, "Haan theek hai. I know k mujhay sabar karna chahiye, dua karni chahiye, koshish karni chahiye. And I need to push myself to change my attitude." Ya phir.......the other option is that you can complain about Allah. But watch out. You say that you are making dua. But if you go in front of the King and ask him for a favor and also complain about him...........is that right? No, it's not. Hum agar Allah se maangtay hain.........to Allah k baaray main adab se baat karni chahiye. Once in a lecture I heard that Allah gets angry when we complain about Him to others. Imagine if a friend complained about you in front of others....you wouldn't like it. And Allah is the Most High and has more of a right to be angry with us. Tum shuru kar do..........har din ka istighfar and durood parhna......KASRAT se.....and phir dekhna....you will experiences changes......even changes within yourself....within your attitude and soch....and you will find that things will become easier....asaaniyan paida hongi. But don't be jaldbaaz and expect results in days. Be persistent and patient. Set a goal for yourself. It could be a target of 125,000 or it could be less than that...whatever you feel comfortable with.
        At your absolute best, you still won't be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you'll still be worth it to the right person.

        Comment


        • #5
          Yea it is or can be frustrating depending on how much you are constantly bombarded with this kind of stuff on media, in real life, as well as your hormones. The thing is bourjois, that is why in Islam it is encouraged to marry early but in today's society and culture both men and women have to fulfill a list of things before they are either allowed to settle down or it just so happens that they find someone later. That is why many do succumb and indulge in this kind of stuff before marriage. For those of us that choose not to indulge, all you can do is distract yourself somehow.

          Also what can I say, life is not really a piece of cake. Everybody is struggling with one thing or another.
          Anything worth doing is worth doing well.

          Comment


          • #6
            get married if you can, if can't, then only sabr,
            I'm Not The Messiah, I'm A Very Naughty Boy

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by redvelvet View Post

              Hamara Allah k saath kya rishta hai? He is the Maalik, the Khaliq, and we are the abd or the servants. Hum kaun hotay hain Allah ko "undertand" karanay walay ya Allah ko samjhanay walay? You have to be careful with your words, sweetheart. Sometimes we say things so easily and we don't even realize the gravity of our words.


              No, I have not interviewed couples that are divorced or that have lost their spouse. I never said that they are leading a comfortable life without regular sex. I had even said (in my last post) that they may feel frustrated but it's not a life and death matter. Therefore I would have to respectfully disagree with you again that deprivation of sex is not as serious as deprivation of food.


              In my last post I even gave you a dua that I hope you're blessed with a good spouse soon. I remind you of this to emphasize that I have nothing personal against you. But I have to admit that I am confused about the purpose of this thread. You have posted this thread in the Religion forum, but you are not seeking guidance about whether premarital sex is haram or halal nor are you interested in knowing about Islamic rulings regarding sex. You are not here to seek Islamic guidance, but you are complaining that Allah's rules are hard. So you are basically venting. In that case this thread would fit better in the Life forum. Or maybe it would be better suited for a blog entry?


              Tell me how can we help you? If you're looking for members (both male and female) who are also willing to openly express that they feel sexually frustrated....how will that help you? The only thing that we can do is suggest certain courses of actions apart from actively searching for a spouse. I know people that have encountered miracles through doing abundant istighfar and darood. In the Quran Allah says that He will increase us in rizq, and offspring, and strength if we do istighfar. And right now you need inner strength. There's a hadith where the prophet SAWS said that whoever makes it laazim upon himself to do abundant istighfar, Allah will relieve him of his difficulty and grant him from places he did not imagine. If you feel trapped in your life and you feel that marriage is hard, then try istighfar and darood.....and from somewhere.....Allah will make open a path for you. Maybe from somewhere you had not even imagined. Praying 5 times namaz and har namaz k baad dua mangna is just the bare minimum....it's not considered kasrat ki ibadat. Make it a goal to recite 125,000 times (sava lakh dafa) istighfar and darood...............and you will get some result from it. You will find peace and inner strength. If you are not working, then it is even easier for you to recite 125000 times. If that's too much, then try reciting anywhere from 5000-10,000 times each day. Make a schedule for yourself k har din itna amount laazmi parhna hai. And while you are reciting your tasbeeh, put on an Islamic youtube video. These days I'm listening to the Seerah of the Prophet SAWS by Yasir Qadhi. It's very, very fascinating and addictive to listen to. Phir tum dekha...........you won't be thinking about sex. Because your ears will be listening to the video....your eyes will be on the video....your tongue will be busy in reciting.....and your hands will be busy in moving the tasbeeh. Insaan ko bas thori si himmat karni parti hai....kisi kaam main lag jaaye....to his/her mind will be kept busy.


              Think of those people that are dealing with the loss of a life. Someone who has just lost a parent or a child or a spouse. That's a kind of loss that is permanent. But every day those people have to force themselves to keep busy......they get busy in their jobs....in the household chores.....etc etc. There are some things that more painful than not having sex, Bourjois. Everybody in this life is facing a trial or an azmaaish. The word is "trial"....not "trail." Trail kehtay hain path/rastay ko. Everybody has their trial. Some are facing much more severe trials than you.

              You have 2 options, Bourjois. You can respond by saying k, "Haan theek hai. I know k mujhay sabar karna chahiye, dua karni chahiye, koshish karni chahiye. And I need to push myself to change my attitude." Ya phir.......the other option is that you can complain about Allah. But watch out. You say that you are making dua. But if you go in front of the King and ask him for a favor and also complain about him...........is that right? No, it's not. Hum agar Allah se maangtay hain.........to Allah k baaray main adab se baat karni chahiye. Once in a lecture I heard that Allah gets angry when we complain about Him to others. Imagine if a friend complained about you in front of others....you wouldn't like it. And Allah is the Most High and has more of a right to be angry with us. Tum shuru kar do..........har din ka istighfar and durood parhna......KASRAT se.....and phir dekhna....you will experiences changes......even changes within yourself....within your attitude and soch....and you will find that things will become easier....asaaniyan paida hongi. But don't be jaldbaaz and expect results in days. Be persistent and patient. Set a goal for yourself. It could be a target of 125,000 or it could be less than that...whatever you feel comfortable with.
              The purpose of this thread is that patience & trials can take a toll on your mental, physical & emotional health. I know we are supposed to pass trails but they can have negative impact on us, might push us to our limits & can make us do wrong in desperate situations. Discuss!!!

              You expect ideal & perfect behaviour from a "human being" (Flawed & imperfect creature) in tough conditions. Lets say if someone tries to distract then how many times you can distract? WHat if you are trying to suppress those thoughts & trying to recite something but still those thoughts come back which in itself is more frustrating when you cant even divert your concentration. How can you go by a day when you are fighting so many battles inside out on daily basis every other second? Even if you try & get married & find halal way then thats not happening either. Its like Allah has closed all ways. It makes you feel so helpless & its Allah who has created us like the way we are.

              Comment


              • #8
                Controlling nafs is frustrating or difficult at first, but it pays off in the long run. Nafs wants to sleep in all day, eat all kinds of junk, overeat, be lazy and do nothing. I can't think of a time when I've managed to go against all that that I've regretted it. On the other hand, there are plenty of times that I've regretted giving in to it.
                Tell your assassin to aim for her head...because she doesn't have a heart.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by bourjois View Post

                  The purpose of this thread is that patience & trials can take a toll on your mental, physical & emotional health. I know we are supposed to pass trails but they can have negative impact on us, might push us to our limits & can make us do wrong in desperate situations. Discuss!!!

                  You expect ideal & perfect behaviour from a "human being" (Flawed & imperfect creature) in tough conditions. Lets say if someone tries to distract then how many times you can distract? WHat if you are trying to suppress those thoughts & trying to recite something but still those thoughts come back which in itself is more frustrating when you cant even divert your concentration. How can you go by a day when you are fighting so many battles inside out on daily basis every other second? Even if you try & get married & find halal way then thats not happening either. Its like Allah has closed all ways. It makes you feel so helpless & its Allah who has created us like the way we are.
                  If that's the case, follow your nufs, and see where it may lead you. Just like weight lifting and exercise, your will power needs to be exercised. No human being is perfect, we all cheat by eating a cookie hear there, being lazy and not praying, looking lustfully at that fine hot girl/guy walking by. But its about controlling it, some days will be good other days will be bad. But I don't think any one including Allah is expecting perfection. Allah only expects you to believe in him and repent to him....thats the most basic form of Islam.

                  People with strong will powers are more successful in life than those who are not (google marshmallow test). The potential damage (if you can even call it that) to your mental, physical and emotional health is only short term, the long term benefits that you gain from controlling your nufs is unmeasurable. Thats why is prescribed to us by Allah...
                  You'll have people who just follow their nuffs, carnal desires and than wonder why theirs something missing in their life...

                  The wisdom of this religion and the rules that are set in place are not without reason... either way whatever path you chose, most people come back to the same answer.
                  omae wa mou shindeiru

                  Comment


                • #10
                  I dunno man, i follow a simple rule to control the nafs: stay in wudoo for most of the day, try and pray the 5 obligatory prayers. Leave the rest to Allah. Its not that hard as it may seem to control your nafs. Try and avoid the triggers that make your nafs go haywire.






                  “Every son of Adam sins, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2499; classed as hasan by al-Albaani.

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