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  • Newlywed

    Hi so i just need guidance on two things:

    If a parent is harming their daughter on purpose by denying her basic right to get married, should the daughter suffer through it because of what is said in Islam: “Uff tak na kro” ? What about “jo zulm sehta hai wo khud zaalim hai?

    And second if a husband is evasive about where he lives after marriage , is angry on the day of marriage for no reason, he and inlaws demand dowry while showing 0 respect and lie about everything.... is it ok for wife to demand separation right away? Is there a basic standard of respect the newly wed wife can expect ?

  • #2
    Re: Newlywed

    Originally posted by Ayeshamir View Post
    Hi so i just need guidance on two things:

    If a parent is harming their daughter on purpose by denying her basic right to get married, should the daughter suffer through it because of what is said in Islam: “Uff tak na kro” ? What about “jo zulm sehta hai wo khud zaalim hai?

    And second if a husband is evasive about where he lives after marriage , is angry on the day of marriage for no reason, he and inlaws demand dowry while showing 0 respect and lie about everything.... is it ok for wife to demand separation right away? Is there a basic standard of respect the newly wed wife can expect ?

    I would question the reasons..as to "what is harming their daughter"...cause some daughters don't know ****...not enough info to give you advice.


    She can demand separation...but is it whats best for her?....I'll tell you right now..women who have been married and divorced its alot harder for them to get re-married again (unless she's like a model)....either really old guys or other divorce's will marry them (for the most part). It also depends on where you live, if you live in the west its more favorable for you to divorce..in Pak, not so much... If she doesn't care about remarrying in the future and just living her life..than ya..go right ahead..

    I wouldn't have gotten married if that was the situation from the start..just saying..
    omae wa mou shindeiru

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    • #3
      Re: Newlywed

      Regarding first issue of not letting daughter get married, i am not sure about how common this is but its about an emotionally and physically not to mention financially abusive husband trying to maintain control over wife and (grown up children/who are adults) by not letting the daughters marry. Because he knows he can keep wife with him as long as daughters are there and wife is not emotionally strong enough to take kids and leave. In this case is the father’s right above the welfare of wife and children.

      Second case: it’s more a case of not knowing before marriage that the inlaws and husband would turn out this way a complete 360 degree change. And marrying in a hurry because the girl’s mother wanted her to get married. Isnt self respect more important? No matter if its east or west? And what about later on if there are kids that kind of toxic environment wont it harm them ? Isnt that more important than any loneliness that may come from being divorced and potentially never getting married? Also here the husband mother in law are saying on 2nd day of marriage they think its better the girl go back to her mother’s place and that marriage cant survive.

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      • #4
        Re: Newlywed

        If father is preventing marriage, it’s not required to obey him.
        In second case yes she can ask for divorce.
        Grizzly bear

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Ayeshamir View Post
          Hi so i just need guidance on two things:

          If a parent is harming their daughter on purpose by denying her basic right to get married, should the daughter suffer through it because of what is said in Islam: “Uff tak na kro” ? What about “jo zulm sehta hai wo khud zaalim hai?

          And second if a husband is evasive about where he lives after marriage , is angry on the day of marriage for no reason, he and inlaws demand dowry while showing 0 respect and lie about everything.... is it ok for wife to demand separation right away? Is there a basic standard of respect the newly wed wife can expect ?
          If a husband is evasive and he and his family is angry over the issue of dowry with you then they are not interested in staying married. They are looking for a cash cow and someone to pay their way in life. I realize its easier said than done but I would not be able to love a man like that...a man who technically speaking...is not a man. I see no reason for my parents to have to feed him and his family. If they were not financially stable, why did they get married and take on the responsibility of a wife?

          If you feed them now, you will feed them forever.

          And no, if you get divorced, you're not going to end up alone, miserable, unmarried or in some ditch.
          Last edited by Reha; Apr 15th, 2018, 11:35 PM.
          Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Ayeshamir View Post
            Re: Newlywed

            Regarding first issue of not letting daughter get married, i am not sure about how common this is but its about an emotionally and physically not to mention financially abusive husband trying to maintain control over wife and (grown up children/who are adults) by not letting the daughters marry. Because he knows he can keep wife with him as long as daughters are there and wife is not emotionally strong enough to take kids and leave. In this case is the father’s right above the welfare of wife and children.

            Second case: it’s more a case of not knowing before marriage that the inlaws and husband would turn out this way a complete 360 degree change. And marrying in a hurry because the girl’s mother wanted her to get married. Isnt self respect more important? No matter if its east or west? And what about later on if there are kids that kind of toxic environment wont it harm them ? Isnt that more important than any loneliness that may come from being divorced and potentially never getting married? Also here the husband mother in law are saying on 2nd day of marriage they think its better the girl go back to her mother’s place and that marriage cant survive.
            They want the girl to panic and force her parents to support her husband and his family. The girl will do anything she can to save her family from "badnaami" including making her parents pay for her in-law's groceries.

            It has a lot to do with girls' parents too...they do so much on shaadi and baraat that if the groom's family is even slightly greedy, they start to salivate after that. This is why I am in favor of small weddings and intimate affairs.
            Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. ~ Rumi

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Ayeshamir View Post
              Hi so i just need guidance on two things:

              If a parent is harming their daughter on purpose by denying her basic right to get married, should the daughter suffer through it because of what is said in Islam: “Uff tak na kro” ? What about “jo zulm sehta hai wo khud zaalim hai?

              And second if a husband is evasive about where he lives after marriage , is angry on the day of marriage for no reason, he and inlaws demand dowry while showing 0 respect and lie about everything.... is it ok for wife to demand separation right away? Is there a basic standard of respect the newly wed wife can expect ?
              1st issue:

              no the daughter should not suffer through if the parent is denying marriage for no appropriate reason. I think that part of islam 'uff tak na karo' certainly does not apply in these things. You can not let your parents do wrong things and not say anything.

              2nd issue:

              yes its ok for the wife to demand separation right away If she feels she cannot cope with the situation or has tried to deal with situation...newly wed or not everyone has a right to be respected whether its husband or wife.
              The Most Beautiful Woman On Earth is Aishwarya Rai

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